I was already divorced when this happened.

I did not have an AP. I don’t know if my ex spouse did and I don’t care. I realized I could not stay in a marriage where my spouse would never, ever see me as an equal and continued to put me down year after year. No matter what I achieved, I could not make them happy. I was desperate to be loved and after the divorce I did get involved with someone who ultimately could not commit. I lost myself in the process.

There were other factors at play: the pandemic, schools being closed, changes in my job, and needing space from my ex and not wanting to stay in the house with so many unhappy memories.

Obviously the biggest mistake ever was marrying them in the first place, but I got my kids from that so I don’t think it was all a mistake.

I don’t ever want to lose myself like that again. I’m gonna ignore you haters. I came here in hopes that someone would share their experiences of moving on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you wrote “ Things will never be quite as good as if I had made different choices” - but you actually don’t know this. Because that other plane doesn’t exist except in your mind and you are idealizing it now. There are reasons why you “blew up your life.” Do you understand why? Focus on self-care (and not ruminating) and care of your kids. Self-compassion and grace. Life is not going to be better if you’re beating yourself up. You can still learn from your choices without hating yourself.

Maybe it blew up because she has mental issues and needs therapy. Maybe it blew up because she is self-centered and full of herself.? Maybe it blew up because she lived in a fantasy world for too long always thinking the grass was greener.

She hurt a lot of people and she has to face that fact. She needs to do better in life going forward, re-examine her values and integrity.

She’s paying karma’s price now, but she can use it to be a better person.

I’m the PP - maybe, but there is no parallel perfect life. Is there were, OP wouldn’t have left it.

Well, she probably is someone who never was happy because she always thought it was the house, the man, the location, etc was the problem and not herself. Some people are never happy and blow through their life wreaking havoc because it’s never them: someone or something else is the reason they aren’t happy.

It starts inside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you wrote “ Things will never be quite as good as if I had made different choices” - but you actually don’t know this. Because that other plane doesn’t exist except in your mind and you are idealizing it now. There are reasons why you “blew up your life.” Do you understand why? Focus on self-care (and not ruminating) and care of your kids. Self-compassion and grace. Life is not going to be better if you’re beating yourself up. You can still learn from your choices without hating yourself.

Maybe it blew up because she has mental issues and needs therapy. Maybe it blew up because she is self-centered and full of herself.? Maybe it blew up because she lived in a fantasy world for too long always thinking the grass was greener.

She hurt a lot of people and she has to face that fact. She needs to do better in life going forward, re-examine her values and integrity.

She’s paying karma’s price now, but she can use it to be a better person.

I’m the PP - maybe, but there is no parallel perfect life. Is there were, OP wouldn’t have left it.

Anonymous wrote:Op - you wrote “ Things will never be quite as good as if I had made different choices” - but you actually don’t know this. Because that other plane doesn’t exist except in your mind and you are idealizing it now. There are reasons why you “blew up your life.” Do you understand why? Focus on self-care (and not ruminating) and care of your kids. Self-compassion and grace. Life is not going to be better if you’re beating yourself up. You can still learn from your choices without hating yourself.

Maybe it blew up because she has mental issues and needs therapy. Maybe it blew up because she is self-centered and full of herself.? Maybe it blew up because she lived in a fantasy world for too long always thinking the grass was greener.

She hurt a lot of people and she has to face that fact. She needs to do better in life going forward, re-examine her values and integrity.

She’s paying karma’s price now, but she can use it to be a better person.

Op - you wrote “ Things will never be quite as good as if I had made different choices” - but you actually don’t know this. Because that other plane doesn’t exist except in your mind and you are idealizing it now. There are reasons why you “blew up your life.” Do you understand why? Focus on self-care (and not ruminating) and care of your kids. Self-compassion and grace. Life is not going to be better if you’re beating yourself up. You can still learn from your choices without hating yourself.

Think of the HIGH price you would have paid if you stayed in that relationship. Your self worth is important too,

Unfortunately, time

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might have blown up your life, but it doesn’t have to mean it’s destroyed. You can pick up the pieces and rebuild. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

+1 thank

OP, you might have blown up your life, but it doesn’t have to mean it’s destroyed. You can pick up the pieces and rebuild. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Yes. My marriage. Should never have had a kid should have left and had a clean break. My life will never be what if could and should have been.

So you had an affair and your affair partner dumped you. Your spouse and kids found out. Now your husband is divorcing you and your are living on a fraction of the $ you had when you were married.m

Shouldn’t have fkd around.

Kind of. It felt like my life was destroyed. Turns out, it wasn't. Just for a while.

OP, did you have an affair and leave for the AP? Who chose to divorce, you or your spouse? Any way to reconcile?

Yes. I will never be back on track for the sacrifices I made. Time helps.

I took a big chance on something and it did not work out.
The signs were there, I just didn’t listen.
I’m picking up the pieces now and it is not pretty.
I took a huge financial hit. My kids lives were disrupted. I’m putting myself back together emotionally.
It is slow and hard work. Things will never be quite as good as if I had made different choices.
Any stories out there to share? How did you get back to normal?