Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:25
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
OP, if I were you, I would tell your husband that he is a disappointment to you in terms of the kind of father you want for your child, one that loves him unconditionally and loves him for him not for what he achieves or how much he is like his father.
What a disappointing father he is.
What a disappointing father he is.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:23
Subject: Re:My husband is so disappointed in our son
Anonymous wrote:I think ppl are being a super mean to OP. Your kid's not perfect (most 18 yr olds aren't). He's going off to college. This could be a game changer. Your son might just grow up and and your DH might just relax once he's out of the house. I'd try to bring tensions down as much as possible and get that boy off to school. Then, re-group and see where your relationship with your DH is. Where I think you do need to assert yourself is in absorbing any toxic BS your DH sends your way. If he's venting about his disappointment and blaming you I'd come up with a 1-2 line response that you repeat every time that ends the discussion. Something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, perhaps you want to talk to a counselor about how we can improve our relationship with DS." Whatever he says in response, you repeat your line, rinse, repeat, don't otherwise engage and leave the room.
So, you agree.. OP is being a pushover, and letting her husband treat her like sh1t. Why should OP have to "absorb" any toxic sh1t at all from her husband?
Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:21
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
What did you do to address the drug use and behavior problems? Or, did you just leave it for Dad to deal with when he returned home each trip so instead of spending quality time, Dad had to be disciplinarian and clean up the mess?
Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:19
Subject: Re:My husband is so disappointed in our son
I think ppl are being a super mean to OP. Your kid's not perfect (most 18 yr olds aren't). He's going off to college. This could be a game changer. Your son might just grow up and and your DH might just relax once he's out of the house. I'd try to bring tensions down as much as possible and get that boy off to school. Then, re-group and see where your relationship with your DH is. Where I think you do need to assert yourself is in absorbing any toxic BS your DH sends your way. If he's venting about his disappointment and blaming you I'd come up with a 1-2 line response that you repeat every time that ends the discussion. Something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, perhaps you want to talk to a counselor about how we can improve our relationship with DS." Whatever he says in response, you repeat your line, rinse, repeat, don't otherwise engage and leave the room.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:09
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
Well, if I were you, I’d divorce the D-bag and my son and I could write him off together.
What you will do—continue to approve your husband’s attitude by staying silent, then one day, either your son (or son’s partner) will realize your husband is an asshole and you are the silent enabler and cut both of you off.
What you will do—continue to approve your husband’s attitude by staying silent, then one day, either your son (or son’s partner) will realize your husband is an asshole and you are the silent enabler and cut both of you off.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:06
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
Anonymous wrote:Why is it the Dad’s fault? Why cannot he feel bad about a child that is wildly different than him? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his child but why cannot he express to his wife that he is disappointed?
OP: were you a stay at home mom? I work full time and am single parenting the majority of the time. My husband works abroad. It has taken a toll on my kid but it grew up with a lot less than my kid and am pretty disappointed at the lack of drive and poor decision making. I blame myself that I didn’t do a better job instilling worth ethic when he was younger.
gosh, you sound like OP's DH.
It's one thing to be disappointed in your child's poor choices, but it's another to be disappointed that your child is not *exactly* like you.
That is unreasonable and unfair. I have two kids: one is into STEM and very much like DH and I; the other - I have no idea who this child gets their personality from. This kid is like the oddball in a family of "nerds", but we love DC nonetheless, and always point out their strengths to them even though this DC is not a go-getter and has zero interest in what we are interested in. But like OP's DC, this DC is a sweet kid, has a lot of friends, and has other good qualities.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:01
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
OP, I'm not trying to be mean to you, but you sound like a pushover. You let your husband treat you and your kid like sh1t. In some ways, he is right. You are a pushover. Stand up for your kid, and yourself.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 18:00
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
Why is it the Dad’s fault? Why cannot he feel bad about a child that is wildly different than him? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his child but why cannot he express to his wife that he is disappointed?
OP: were you a stay at home mom? I work full time and am single parenting the majority of the time. My husband works abroad. It has taken a toll on my kid but it grew up with a lot less than my kid and am pretty disappointed at the lack of drive and poor decision making. I blame myself that I didn’t do a better job instilling worth ethic when he was younger.
OP: were you a stay at home mom? I work full time and am single parenting the majority of the time. My husband works abroad. It has taken a toll on my kid but it grew up with a lot less than my kid and am pretty disappointed at the lack of drive and poor decision making. I blame myself that I didn’t do a better job instilling worth ethic when he was younger.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 17:59
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
Anonymous wrote:OP here
I probably to some degree blame his travel and lacking EQ to contributing to the challenges with DS (to be fair)
then you should've had a chat with yourh husband about changing jobs/not traveling so much. But, he sounds like a douche who wouldn't have cared what you said anyways.
My neighbor had a SN kid. Her husband traveled a lot. She told him that she needed him home more to engage with the kids. So, he stopped traveling so much.
That's what good dads/husbands do. They support their family.
He's a jerk, douche.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 17:58
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
Anonymous wrote:He blames you?!? He is a douche bag, I agree with pp. It is too late to do much about their relationship - you can’t cure a lifetime of dysfunction over the next few months. I would just disengage and ignore DH. He is a jerk! Have you considered divorce?
+1 I mean... what can you do? Divorce, therapy (not that he would go, I'm sure), or just continue to live the way you are and have your husband be a douche to your kid.
Personally, I could not stay married to or love someone who was that much of an a$$ to my child. Don't care if he is the father. Actually, it's worse that he is the father.
IMO, your kid probably needs therapy, too.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 17:56
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
OP here
I probably to some degree blame his travel and lacking EQ to contributing to the challenges with DS (to be fair)
I probably to some degree blame his travel and lacking EQ to contributing to the challenges with DS (to be fair)
Anonymous
03/07/2022 17:48
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
He blames you?!? He is a douche bag, I agree with pp. It is too late to do much about their relationship - you can’t cure a lifetime of dysfunction over the next few months. I would just disengage and ignore DH. He is a jerk! Have you considered divorce?
Anonymous
03/07/2022 17:44
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
Well, pp what would you do in my situation? I can’t redo what’s done
Anonymous
03/07/2022 17:37
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
Your DH is definitely a douchebag. My DH is 57, and very engaged with our kids. We are *both* responsible for raising our children. We both created them; we both raise them.
Anonymous
03/07/2022 17:30
Subject: My husband is so disappointed in our son
It’s ruining our marriage. 18 year old senior in high school. Definitely had challenges from the beginning. DH is old school and never really tried to understand him. He also was gone a ton with work travel, which didn’t help. My son has a lot of wonderful things about him but he’s not the go getter, disciplined person his father is. He’s made some poor choices, likes marijuana etc. however, he has good friends, he is going to a good college next fall. I just don’t know how to reconcile my husband’s feelings, which have sn undercurrent of blame toward me as in, he’d be a different person if I weren’t so empathic, weak, or whatever.