Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom came the day we got discharged, she was an asset during the early days at home. I made her work (laundry, walking the dog, dishes, etc.). My in-laws came when baby was 3 weeks. They stayed at a hotel which was key for us. There’s no way I could have handled them at our home.

I think it really depends on the parents. Will they be helpful? Will you be comfortable if they stay at your house and you’re nursing?

As for covid/ health protocols, we made all the parents get flu shot, TDAP, covid x 3 and they had to covid test before leaving and on arrival.

Aren't you special. Do you always make your family work for the privilege of seeing you? I get needing help but it seems over the top! I love how the father's parents and the mother's parents are treated so differently and then DIL wonder why the paternal grandparents aren't as close.

I’m a DP but did you even read the post before responding rudely? If the paternal grandparents are helpful and make the new mother comfortable then they’ll have the same access as her parents.

The kind of grandparents who want to be entertained by a woman who just gave birth are not a loss if they’re not close to the child later— regardless of whose parents they were.

Anonymous wrote:My mom came the day we got discharged, she was an asset during the early days at home. I made her work (laundry, walking the dog, dishes, etc.). My in-laws came when baby was 3 weeks. They stayed at a hotel which was key for us. There’s no way I could have handled them at our home.

I think it really depends on the parents. Will they be helpful? Will you be comfortable if they stay at your house and you’re nursing?

As for covid/ health protocols, we made all the parents get flu shot, TDAP, covid x 3 and they had to covid test before leaving and on arrival.

Aren't you special. Do you always make your family work for the privilege of seeing you? I get needing help but it seems over the top! I love how the father's parents and the mother's parents are treated so differently and then DIL wonder why the paternal grandparents aren't as close.

Ignore the advice that your parents and in-laws are the same. That’s true about the baby but not true about the person recovering from childbirth. Pandemic or otherwise, priority goes to the people who are helpful in your recovery.

We saw my mother in law the day we came home from the hospital, after she had isolated and taken a PCR (this was in 2020). We saw my father in law two weeks later when he had been able to do the same. My parents arrived when she was four days old and stayed for a week, again, isolated and PCR.

My mom came the day we got discharged, she was an asset during the early days at home. I made her work (laundry, walking the dog, dishes, etc.). My in-laws came when baby was 3 weeks. They stayed at a hotel which was key for us. There’s no way I could have handled them at our home.

I think it really depends on the parents. Will they be helpful? Will you be comfortable if they stay at your house and you’re nursing?

As for covid/ health protocols, we made all the parents get flu shot, TDAP, covid x 3 and they had to covid test before leaving and on arrival.

Anonymous wrote:Well I had a baby when it was actually scary in 2020. My in laws still came to see us and sit outside with the baby. These days, it's old news. If you are that concerned, have them test and wear masks but don't deny them.

it's not "old news"-- still a risk to a baby and to a pregnant woman (even with vaccines, pregnancy makes you higher risk). i wouldn't deny my parents or in-laws but plant to have them quarantine and test first (though my MIL is on a basically permanent quarantine and has barely gone anywhere in 2 years besides our wedding)

Anonymous wrote:Pre-Covid, my MIL was at the hospital and popping in during my labor. HUGE MISTAKE. Then my FIL gave the baby a cold on her first day home which sent her back to the hospital. It caused a lot of problems between DH and myself and I get mad at myself every time I think of it. I just felt so bullied and inconsequential.

This baby, everyone is going to wait a full month before I let them see the baby (and after PCR Covid tests).

.yikes!!! How stressful!!!

Pre-Covid, my MIL was at the hospital and popping in during my labor. HUGE MISTAKE. Then my FIL gave the baby a cold on her first day home which sent her back to the hospital. It caused a lot of problems between DH and myself and I get mad at myself every time I think of it. I just felt so bullied and inconsequential.

This baby, everyone is going to wait a full month before I let them see the baby (and after PCR Covid tests).

I got pressured into driving halfway across the country with a three week old and if I had to do it again, I’d have waited until 6 weeks. It was too soon for me. The baby was okay but I wasn’t. And my ILs didn’t get this at all— it barely occurred to them that I was still recovering. They only cared about the baby and they wanted all their friends to come see her. They threw a big party with dozens of people even though I’d expressly asked them to keep things small for my sake. My MIL kept getting mad at me for “hogging” the baby (I was feeding her, plus holding her in those early days helped me with my PPD).

That visit did years off damage to my relationship with my ILs. I felt pressured to do it and then mistreated while I was there. I was still bleeding from childbirth and struggling with mental health. No one cared, they just wanted to look at the baby.

Do what feels right for YOU, OP. You are a new mom and need to take care of yourself. Especially if the people around you aren’t taking care of you.

Back in October 2020, so before vaccines were a thing, I gave birth on a Wednesday, came home from the hospital on Friday, asked in-laws to give us a couple of days to settle into our new normal and they came for a visit on Monday. They live 20 minutes away. They quarantined 10 days before their visit and wore masks. My baby was NOT a premie.

Expecting #2 in July, and I expect to do the same, including asking them to quarantine for 10 days before their visit, not just for Covid but all other viruses, too.

+1 on what PP said. I wouldn't make a distinction between my parents and in-laws. They're all grandparents.

Well I had a baby when it was actually scary in 2020. My in laws still came to see us and sit outside with the baby. These days, it's old news. If you are that concerned, have them test and wear masks but don't deny them.

Why don't you suggest they drive and then take a covid test prior to coming?

I realize all family dynamics are different, so take this with a grain of salt... I wanted my in-laws to wait until 4+ weeks postpartum to visit because I don't know them that well and I was worried about having them come sooner when we were in the thick of things, figuring out breastfeeding, not sleeping, etc. My mom came for the first week, my sister for the second, then we had no help for weeks 3-5 and my husband was working long hours. In retrospect, it would have been so much better to have my MIL sooner. I was in really rough shape in weeks 3-4 and really could have used the help. My MIL can be somewhat overwhelming and has a lot of strong opinions/suggestions, but in an exhausted state, her help ended up being invaluable.

Don’t differentiate between your parents and your in laws. This baby is grandchild to both. Your husbands parents are going to be important to the baby, just as your parents will be. It’s not only your baby - it is also your husbands.

If you have a preemie, which is scary, the hospital will have rules for visitors and you’ll have to follow them as will everyone else.

Once you get home, try to be even handed about who gets to see the baby.

If they’ll need to stay, you don’t have to let them bunk at your house, they can get a hotel or Airbnb or something.

I’m not due until June but my husbands family is 4 hours away so them coming to see baby is going to turn into a weekend trip. I told my husband I don’t want any long visitors until baby is 4 weeks and that he needed to let his family know that as well. So as of now, his mom and grandmother will come see/meet baby in July.

Question for those that have delivered during the pandemic. When did you allow inlaws to come visit and see the baby? I'm at a point that I may have a preemie and I'm really worried. Inlaws are putting the pressure on to drive across the country and come see. I don't feel comfortable. Now I'm getting black mail of pics of their son back in the day when they drove across the country and he was six weeks old.