Someone needs to set your aunt straight about money. She cannot turn money over to others. If she runs out of money she won’t be able to get care because of the MA five year look back period. Get a social worker involved.

Anonymous wrote:So why exactly did your aunt add them to her will then? Why did she change it? There has to be more going on.

If she is of sound mind she can decide who to leave everything to and change things back to your mom, and she does not need to tell her niece/nephew even if she doesn’t want to cause drama. They won’t find out until it’s too late.

She didn’t add them to the will that I know of - she put this woman’s name on her bank accounts and to the title of her house. In our home state where she lives, my mom would get everything unless it’s spelled out in an inheritance. Again, I don’t expect there to be an inheritance. Let me repeat that: I don’t expect any money to be left because aunt will probably be in the nursing home for awhile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your concern should be your mothers inheritance. My concern would be, can you trust these people with your aunts assets during her lifetime? What if they take all the money and then she’s left with nothing?

THIS. It’s alarming that this person will not be responsible for your aunt, but will control the purse strings. I would be worried about your aunt being left high and dry.

I know. The thing is my aunt is going into a nursing home - right now, Medicare will pay for it but then it will be long term care and she has no long-term health insurance. My understanding is the nursing home would bill until that money runs out and then it becomes Medicaid. So if they try to take money out, wouldn’t the government come after them? Aunt asked me to fly in from the west coast where I now live to check out the places - but since she goes in as Medicare, the places haven’t handed me any paperwork.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your concern should be your mothers inheritance. My concern would be, can you trust these people with your aunts assets during her lifetime? What if they take all the money and then she’s left with nothing?

THIS. It’s alarming that this person will not be responsible for your aunt, but will control the purse strings. I would be worried about your aunt being left high and dry.

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason my aunt can’t tell her - but it looks like she’s not going to.

Is this what your aunt wants or is she being forced? If your mom died she’d probably win as the niece is not even related to her.

Being related to someone is not automatic cause to be in the will. My cousin is the sole heir of everything I own. I have a brother who is alive. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

So why exactly did your aunt add them to her will then? Why did she change it? There has to be more going on.

If she is of sound mind she can decide who to leave everything to and change things back to your mom, and she does not need to tell her niece/nephew even if she doesn’t want to cause drama. They won’t find out until it’s too late.

“hey aunt larla! Not sure I’m following. Did you mention niece and notary to me as a message to pass on to my mom? You will need to tell her yourself.”

I don’t think your concern should be your mothers inheritance. My concern would be, can you trust these people with your aunts assets during her lifetime? What if they take all the money and then she’s left with nothing?

^^ She told *me* that nephew and wife will not be responsible for her.

Anonymous wrote:If the other family has all the financial control, maybe it’s time for your mom to step back. If your aunt really wants to relinquish control.

Is your aunt mentally compromised right now? I would be concerned about coercive behavior. If this niece is so involved, why has she not been doing any of the care?

My aunt has asked all the medical workers to contact us - plus, mom is next of kin. She told us flat out that nephew and his wife (the person added to the account is actually the wife of her nephew by marriage, if that makes sense) have said they will not be responsible for her. So we’re not butting in; aunt has either asked us to do things for her or we are being contacted by the doctor, the hospital workers, even the social workers, and told that our aunt has designated by mother or me to handle certain things.

None of the diagnosis are psychological or psychiatric but aunt is 81.

If the other family has all the financial control, maybe it’s time for your mom to step back. If your aunt really wants to relinquish control.

Is your aunt mentally compromised right now? I would be concerned about coercive behavior. If this niece is so involved, why has she not been doing any of the care?

There’s no reason my aunt can’t tell her - but it looks like she’s not going to.

And your aunt can't tell her because why? Seriously F that, you're not her secretary.

My mother’s sister is in the hospital and will be going into a nursing home. She lost all her immediate family (husband and one child) to covid. My mom and her sister have always been very close, and my mom has helped her financially throughout the years: most of the furniture in their house was given to them by my mom, and my mom even took in my (now dead) cousin for over a year while my aunt was undergoing cancer treatment and in rehab. (This was a long time ago - my aunt recovered, my cousin went back home, grew up and years later, died of covid.) They don’t live close to us but we have been traveling back and forth and in daily contact with the medical team. My aunt just told me that just before I got to the hospital, a niece from her husband’s side brought a notary public and two witnesses (friends of their family) to the hospital to add her to all the bank accounts and the house title.

I do not know if my aunt will have any money left if and when she passes but I know my mom will be hurt, not because of the money but because, as the next of kin, she is deliberately being written out. It sounds like my aunt wants me to make sure my mom knows. I’ve got to say I don’t fully understand the reasoning: the family involved is very nice but they don’t need the money and they are not helping out my aunt at all (not financially and not logistically). All of the logistics - finding a facility, home health aide, etc - is falling on us.

How would you tell your mom or would you just let her find out eventually? I don’t appreciate being put in this position.