Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:45     Subject: Re:Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?


I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.


So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:45     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
We were having an argument and he called me the b word. I basically lost it and started yelling at him to stop calling me that. He told me to shut up which infuriated me even more. He closed the door in my face and I got angry and threw his shoes at the door. He called me crazy and left the house.

I am so embarrassed at behaving that way. But he often calls me a b-word when things get heated. And I’ve told him multiple times to please not call me that. I recently had a miscarriage and he has been so supportive through everything that I was so shocked and hurt when he resorted to demean me by using that one ugly simple word.

I feel so embarrassed to have acted so crazy. Ugh.

So horrible!


When you've asked him to stop calling you that word, what does he say?

Obviously, you two need ground rules for arguments.

What's happening OP, is that your DH is saying something disrespectful, you're responding by flying off the handle, he then has the high ground to divert attention to your lack of self-control, and *not* where it should be-- the fact that he started it by calling you a demeaning word. I bet this is a pattern.

Sit him down calmly, tell him that if he calls you names or disrespectful during an argument, you're going to remain calm and leave the room. If he doesn't get the message, you might leave the marriage. Mean it.


+1.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:44     Subject: Re:Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?


I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.


See if your employer will cover part of the cost.

Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:43     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Anonymous wrote:
We were having an argument and he called me the b word. I basically lost it and started yelling at him to stop calling me that. He told me to shut up which infuriated me even more. He closed the door in my face and I got angry and threw his shoes at the door. He called me crazy and left the house.

I am so embarrassed at behaving that way. But he often calls me a b-word when things get heated. And I’ve told him multiple times to please not call me that. I recently had a miscarriage and he has been so supportive through everything that I was so shocked and hurt when he resorted to demean me by using that one ugly simple word.

I feel so embarrassed to have acted so crazy. Ugh.

So horrible!


When you've asked him to stop calling you that word, what does he say?

Obviously, you two need ground rules for arguments.

What's happening OP, is that your DH is saying something disrespectful, you're responding by flying off the handle, he then has the high ground to divert attention to your lack of self-control, and *not* where it should be-- the fact that he started it by calling you a demeaning word. I bet this is a pattern.

Sit him down calmly, tell him that if he calls you names or disrespectful during an argument, you're going to remain calm and leave the room. If he doesn't get the message, you might leave the marriage. Mean it.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:43     Subject: Re:Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?


I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:43     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
If you so have kids, next time he says *anything* inappropriate to you or yells, tell him it’s not acceptable and leave the room. Just don’t engage no matter what he does.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:42     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
I love there questions with no context. No, it isn't acceptable that he called you a B. But there are myriad things that could have preceded that that, while not justifying it, at least add some understanding.

But, that's not what you want, OP. You want people to tell you that it's terrible. So here you go.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:41     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
If it don't have kids leave now.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:41     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Anonymous wrote:You know that is not healthy behavior. Time to call it quits or enter therapy.

This.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:40     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Your husband sounds like he sucks.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:40     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
You know that is not healthy behavior. Time to call it quits or enter therapy.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:39     Subject: Re:Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Were you being a b?
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:38     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Does your husband feel embarrassed for calling you the b-word? Because he should.

If there is a next time he does it, take a deep breath and walk away. End the conversation. Leave. It is not acceptable.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:38     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word
Anonymous wrote:
We were having an argument and he called me the b word. I basically lost it and started yelling at him to stop calling me that. He told me to shut up which infuriated me even more. He closed the door in my face and I got angry and threw his shoes at the door. He called me crazy and left the house.

I am so embarrassed at behaving that way. But he often calls me a b-word when things get heated. And I’ve told him multiple times to please not call me that. I recently had a miscarriage and he has been so supportive through everything that I was so shocked and hurt when he resorted to demean me by using that one ugly simple word.

I feel so embarrassed to have acted so crazy. Ugh.

So horrible!


Don't be embarrassed. It's not OK that he used slurs against you. But, try to control yourself and not throw things or yell at him. It's much more effective with men if they believe that you have control of yourself, your actions, and your life. If he does it again, I would suggest a little smile/laugh and then acknowledging that it sounds like he is upset, and you will not engage in conversation until he can treat you with respect. However, you should evaluate if you want to be with this person. He is doing this because he knows that you will put up with it.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 12:33     Subject: Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word

We were having an argument and he called me the b word. I basically lost it and started yelling at him to stop calling me that. He told me to shut up which infuriated me even more. He closed the door in my face and I got angry and threw his shoes at the door. He called me crazy and left the house.

I am so embarrassed at behaving that way. But he often calls me a b-word when things get heated. And I’ve told him multiple times to please not call me that. I recently had a miscarriage and he has been so supportive through everything that I was so shocked and hurt when he resorted to demean me by using that one ugly simple word.

I feel so embarrassed to have acted so crazy. Ugh.

So horrible!