My DH didn’t want the dynamic of a SAHM being dependent on him and looked for someone who would significantly contribute to household finances. Importantly, he has always been willing to put in the work at home to help make that happen. I have never packed a school lunch or had to keep track of any bills. We both make a lot but I’m on track to surpass him in the next few years and then he wants to retire and be a full time SAHD lol.

It's mostly the middle-income earners who care about this, because life looks a lot different (better) with a partner making a similar salary than one making peanuts. High earners already make enough to afford a nice life, so they don't really care, and low earners have no room to be picky on that.

That said, assortative mating is real, and the biglaw partner marrying the cute secretary, barista, or hairdresser is the exception and not the norm.

I think my DH cared that I was career focused before we got married.

Once we got married and had kids, he definitely preferred I stay home, and couldn’t care less

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of men who don't want to marry someone who works in a tanning salon.

But there are plenty who will marry a teacher, a nurse, someone who works for the feds as a gs12 or 13 job in a not particularly impressive path. I think many men want a woman with a middle class or higher job.

But I don't think many care if a woman isn't, say, making 150 or 300 or 500k. 70 or 80 is fine. Whereas for many women, 80k is a big drawback if that is a man's salary.

I just posted but yeah I completely agree with this.

hhaaa. You realize GS-13s-14s make $150. GS-14 in STEM here who made $176k last year working from home.

Neither one of those is the most important thing to me, as a man. Being hot is nice, but it will fade if you're going to spend your life with someone. Money is useful, but you don't need to both be making six figures to live a decent middle class life. I'm married now, but what hooked me was personality and how well we could live and work together as a team.

This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

In my circles, men marry the hot women with the great career. If you are in a highly educated professional group, you will see many of these women have it all: smoking hot, athletic, smart as a whip and a career to match (even if they mommy track or step back a bit when kids come along).

Those are the type of genetics intelligent men look for in a mate.

Now--if we are talking about a no-strings thing or frivolous temporary girlfriends, they don't care if they are as dumb as a bunch of rocks.

My husband got both.

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of men who don't want to marry someone who works in a tanning salon.

But there are plenty who will marry a teacher, a nurse, someone who works for the feds as a gs12 or 13 job in a not particularly impressive path. I think many men want a woman with a middle class or higher job.

But I don't think many care if a woman isn't, say, making 150 or 300 or 500k. 70 or 80 is fine. Whereas for many women, 80k is a big drawback if that is a man's salary.

I just posted but yeah I completely agree with this.

The career doesn't have to match mine but at the same time I want someone that was a college graduate that was gainfully employed. I also did not want someone that works in a job that requires 60 hours a week (my job doesn't either).

I think there are a lot of men who don't want to marry someone who works in a tanning salon.

But there are plenty who will marry a teacher, a nurse, someone who works for the feds as a gs12 or 13 job in a not particularly impressive path. I think many men want a woman with a middle class or higher job.

But I don't think many care if a woman isn't, say, making 150 or 300 or 500k. 70 or 80 is fine. Whereas for many women, 80k is a big drawback if that is a man's salary.

Mostly true. Your job is where you spend 8 hours a day, details unimportant. Looks and personality matter much more.

Depends on how much money the man makes.

But one complicating factor is that being competent can be attractive. For some men, if a woman has a job like working at a tanning salon, it might not matter how attractive she is otherwise and he might choose somebody objectively less physically attractive but more competent, even if he makes a lot himself.

Mostly true. I am sure there are outliers, but most men care more about what your a$$ looks like than your career.

How true is it that men would rather marry a hot woman with no career of her own than marry an average woman with a career that matched his?