Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I feel icky thinking of all the money people blow on weddings.

I had a very modest wedding and I am watching two of my friends plan their weddings this year. And one wedding will cost about 100k and the other 70k.

And the brides are obsessing over minute details such as ordering custom napkins with the bride and grooms initials, to custom cups for drinks to multiple outfits on the day of the wedding.

So much self indulgence. So much privilege!

<endrant>

I'm sorry... you feel "icky?" Could you please use a more grown-up word to describe your emotion?

I suspect the word you're looking for is "envious."

We are Indian-Americans and multi-day, multi-event lavish weddings is the norm unfortunately. Yet, the many multi-day "events" in actuality were just domestic rituals and traditions that typically happened at home and without any guests invited and it certainly did not cost too much money. Mostly a nice meal was served but not a formal environment. They were usually an intimate gathering of friends and family and a part of the preparation for the actual wedding. These domestic gatherings (relatives singing, everyone putting on henna, friends making sweets) they all have been taken out from the realm of the home, and now been put in the hands of event planners and in hotel settings. Frankly, a lot of unique regional variations of Indian weddings are lost and how weddings take place is very much influenced by Bollywood and Indian small screen. Social media has also played a part in making these rituals so lavish. There is a huge difference between an average wedding that happened 10-15 years ago and today.

Median cost of Indian weddings in US is 150K. MC or even UMC families can go as low as 75K, as high as 500K.

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no.

I try to balance thinking how much 100k in a donation directly to children starving in Afghanistan/Yemen/Syria/etc. and the impact it would have compared to the impact of 100k providing jobs and supporting an industry.

IMO there is a middle ground and I would love to see couples who have this amount of money ask for cash gifts or give those cash gifts to a charity of their choice.. I assume most of the people who can spend 100k on a wedding are hiding their money or their parents have to avoid paying "too much" in taxes. I also assume they dont need 25k in cash gifts if they can afford a 100k wedding. That goes into my calculation as well.

Its self-serving and indulgent but if thats who they are then thats who they are.

My DD had a $90k wedding and I can assure you we do not "hide" any money from taxes. Spending money on a wedding has nothing to do with taxes in any event. What a weird assumption. We also already donate to charities - these are not mutually exclusive.

My wedding was pretty basic and in retrospect I wish we had spent a little more. Generally the more expensive weddings are more fun and have better food.

Well, if they could put all of that money in the bank and spend it on a financial planner, relationship and sex counselors - the marriage success rate might be higher.

Or hell, even a housekeeper and a nanny!

It doesn’t upset me, but I have never understood it. Especially for people who have any kind of debt like student loans, or grown adults who expect their parents to pay for their wedding.

Do you also get mad if you see someone driving a Porsche?

Yes and no.

I try to balance thinking how much 100k in a donation directly to children starving in Afghanistan/Yemen/Syria/etc. and the impact it would have compared to the impact of 100k providing jobs and supporting an industry.

IMO there is a middle ground and I would love to see couples who have this amount of money ask for cash gifts or give those cash gifts to a charity of their choice.. I assume most of the people who can spend 100k on a wedding are hiding their money or their parents have to avoid paying "too much" in taxes. I also assume they dont need 25k in cash gifts if they can afford a 100k wedding. That goes into my calculation as well.

Its self-serving and indulgent but if thats who they are then thats who they are.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I feel icky thinking of all the money people blow on weddings.

I had a very modest wedding and I am watching two of my friends plan their weddings this year. And one wedding will cost about 100k and the other 70k.

And the brides are obsessing over minute details such as ordering custom napkins with the bride and grooms initials, to custom cups for drinks to multiple outfits on the day of the wedding.

So much self indulgence. So much privilege!

<endrant>

Why would I care? Yes, it would be nice if they donated it to charity, but it's not my business.

If they were the type who hoards money, and does things like not donating to charity or saying things like “if people want more money they should just work harder,” it would bother me. But not any more than other massive indulgent expenses.

Crypto Guy weddings are the best. It’s like all FU money flying around !

Why does this bother you OP? Especially if they can afford it / aren’t going into debt.

You sound jealous.

It doesn't upset me -- it's their business.

But if I could do ours over again, I'd scale it down a bit. It wasn't even lavish ... just a nice church wedding with a small-town country club reception ... but I'd trim the guest list and the bridal party and certainly would not register for ridiculous things.

Why would that upset me?

As a wise television theme song once said,

Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.

But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

No. It's none of my business what other people do with their money. Being obsessive and judgmental about other people's choices is unhealthy.

Sometimes I feel icky thinking of all the money people blow on weddings.

I had a very modest wedding and I am watching two of my friends plan their weddings this year. And one wedding will cost about 100k and the other 70k.

And the brides are obsessing over minute details such as ordering custom napkins with the bride and grooms initials, to custom cups for drinks to multiple outfits on the day of the wedding.

So much self indulgence. So much privilege!

<endrant>