57 year old lesbian here and I never liked the word lesbian. It's not a pretty word. Gay is so much nicer, although it encompasses more than women loving women these days.

Your niece may feel the label "lesbian" is too confining.

She has social stigma attached to word. It might be generational, which is why you don’t get it (I’m a 44 year old gay man and don’t get why she finds it offensive either). But I try to never offend anyone and in this case that is very easy.

My 20-something niece has come out as gay, but takes strong offense to the term lesbian.. I am fine to go with the flow (and this is not directed at me in any way - my sister told me this)…just want to try to understand. Love and support my wonderful niece completely. Thx.