I also have three and can’t help but want another. We won’t be going for it, so here is my plan: focus on the fun big kid stuff I/we can do bc no baby in tow. Ski trips! Daylong outing to museums/zoo. Fit in a regular hotel room with rollaway! Etc.

I am not even sure I want another - I think I am just mourning an end to the baby years, and the end of that era comes for everyone eventually.

Anonymous wrote:It’s too old for *me*. It’s the perfect age for other people.

If your spouse is a hard no, I think it should be respected.

+1 to this, especially since you already have kids

How old are your kids, OP? I’m 45 with a 6 and 3 year old. My DH and I are tired. I mean, really really tired. Interrupted sleep, chasing a toddler, these things are hard. I was 39 when my 6yo was born and I’m surprised how much harder things were with my 3yo, who is otherwise an “easier” kid, but was born when I was 42. For me those years make a big difference. (Of course pandemic stress is also a factor I’m sure. I look like I’ve aged 10 years in the last 2!)

Anyway my point is if you’re removed from the toddler years or if you were already in your late 30s when you had your last child you might be thinking it’s NBD. But it is a big deal.

Also my second thankfully was a healthy pregnancy and I have a healthy toddler, but being pregnant in my 40s was nerve wracking, even compared to my late 30s.

Look, I wouldn’t say don’t do it to anyone, but you have 3 kids and your DH is against it and it Carrie’s more risk than your last pregnancy, whenever that was. Your OP suggests that you may be taking a very emotional approach to this. That’s understandable but maybe not helpful.

My mom had my sister at 42 and my sister is great but my momabsolutely had a rough time. She was hospitalized multiple times and had a very slow recovery.

Anonymous wrote:It’s too old for *me*. It’s the perfect age for other people.

If your spouse is a hard no, I think it should be respected.

It’s not the “perfect” age fir anyone.

How old is your firstborn? If they’re in the double digits, it’s a selfish decision. Your other children need a childhood more than you need another baby.

PP here, I also wanted to add that I'm the 3rd of 4 kids from a similar situation -- older mom, loved having kids, wanted "just one more". Fourth was born with an issue that need surgery at 12 months. I love my younger sibling but that was the beginning of a period of very high stress for our family. It is not the choice I would make for myself, based on having gone through it as one of the children.

In other words: you wouldn't just be taking a risk with your body or with a potential fetus, you are also taking a risk with the childhoods of your other children. If thinks go askew, it will become part of their story too.

Women have healthy kids at this age but the fact that your DH is not on board is a huge strike against. And there's no way to guarantee you'd have a healthy pregnancy. Despite your history (which does weight in favor of a straightforward pregnancy with minimal complications) you and your fetus will both be considered high risk. Are you prepared to terminate if early tests indicate high chance of a genetic abnormality, for instance? It sounds like your DH would be but you maybe wouldn't, which is a huge problem for both of you.

If you had no children or just one and were thinking of this as your "last chance", I might give other advice. But you have three kids. Your husband does not want more. It might be time to let go of your baby years. We all have to do it eventually! It's hard but universal -- at some point, you will have no more children.

It’s too old for *me*. It’s the perfect age for other people.

If your spouse is a hard no, I think it should be respected.

Yep. You're done. 4 kids would put you too close to the edge and if any issue came up with either of you or one of the kids, it would be really tough.

Anonymous wrote:With you having 3 healthy kids already I agree with your DH!

Enjoy fully what you already have! The risks are too great I think(?)

+100

If your DH is a hard no, then I don't think you really have an option. You shouldn't force someone to have a child.

Maybe go to counseling to revisit it, but I think you are really just mourning the end of your child bearing years and perhaps subconsciously want to pop one more out due to that.

With you having 3 healthy kids already I agree with your DH!

Enjoy fully what you already have! The risks are too great I think(?)

Just wanted to add that I'm fairly certain I could still get pregnant. We conceived all of our children on the first or second try. My cycles are very regular. We are both healthy and financially secure.

I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.