Anonymous wrote:Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?

Additional red flags on an adult child's SO-significant other:

NO medical insurance. The individual might have opted out of an employer group plan or never bothered to get ACA. Anyone can get a dread disease or be in a car accident. If either happens and your adult DC shares a household with them or was married to them ...Medical expenses occur but there is no back dating on enrollment for coverage even when pre-existing conditions get covered.

No Covid-19 vaccination.
Pressure from the DC SO and/or their family to do or participate in risky Covid-19 behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Original post mentioned adult kid. Any parent would object to red flags in any SO for an under 18 minor child.

I missed the word "adult." Sue me.

Anonymous wrote:Signs that the individual is a gold digger. Plans to quit working as soon as she is married, expensive hobbies and unrealistic expectations about life together and living standard.

I am now describing my brother's wife. Buyer beware.

We may have the same brother. Our brother's wife didn't indicate SAH tendencies as much as we always felt she was casing the joint when she was at someone's house. The first time my dad met her he told us when she left that the girl was a gold digger. I was glad he saw it. She is extremely envious, and very status conscious. She will only go to restaurants or events that she thinks are appropriate for her status. She is very concerned with what is "proper."

My husband is significantly older than me, and that was an issue for my parents. His country of origin was also a problem for my father, but he got over that...

As for my children, I hope I've raised them well enough that they're not going to pick people with moral, mental or significant physical issues. The last two are not obviously something the person can control. However, as the child of a parent with a severe chronic illness, I know it's a LOT to take on, and so is mental illness. Since we are doctors and scientist, my kids know that medical history is very important.

Marrying someone who wishes to stay home is not a problem, however, if both partners find a way to make it work. I don't view that as a moral failing

Original post mentioned adult kid. Any parent would object to red flags in any SO for an under 18 minor child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does SO mean?

significant other

Thanks! I knew that actually but I was thinking "children" in terms of a little kid so I was confused. Appreciate the clarification!

Someone with debt and credit issues?

Anonymous wrote:Signs that the individual is a gold digger. Plans to quit working as soon as she is married, expensive hobbies and unrealistic expectations about life together and living standard.

I am now describing my brother's wife. Buyer beware.

Present day gold diggers doesn’t want to quit work, paid or even token volunteer job works as a social currency too.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing unless adult child asks you, assuming you want to maintain relationship with your adult kid and be someone they can come to for help when needed.

Never mind, I did think of one - abuse.

Nothing unless adult child asks you, assuming you want to maintain relationship with your adult kid and be someone they can come to for help when needed.

Signs that the individual is a gold digger. Plans to quit working as soon as she is married, expensive hobbies and unrealistic expectations about life together and living standard.

I am now describing my brother's wife. Buyer beware.

Anonymous wrote:What does SO mean?

significant other

What does SO mean?

Would you object to race, age, religion, looks, education, jobs, income, medical history, messed up family etc.?

Obviously abuse, drugs, criminal history are clear signs but what other issues do you consider a red flag in an adult child’s SO, worthy enough to voice your concern?