Anonymous
01/06/2022 09:35
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:Everyone in my family is estranged from each other, ha. LOTS of drama. Here’s how it happened:
- My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.
- When I left my NPD husband, my mom and siblings all sided with him against me. He’s very charming and persuasive. They gave him a ton of info to use against me to gain custody (which didn’t work, judges don’t care I took SSRIs as a teen) and xH convinced them to sabotage my job and any relationship I tried to have after him. Things like contacting clients to tell them I don’t know what I’m doing and harassing a man I was dating by calling repeatedly, calling his job, etc. So I don’t talk to mom and siblings anymore.
- Mom’s sister hooked up with her husband, so my stepdad. They obviously don’t talk anymore.
- Mom has 4 sisters (5 girls total) who were all very close their whole lives. Then 2 of the sisters left their husbands after the kids were grown. Mom went crazy on them for divorcing - thought it was the wrong thing for them to do - everyone else was pressured into picking sides and eventually just stopped talking to each other because of all the drama.
- Mom and stepdad are still married but basically estranged/separated. She got tired of his crap and bought him a house in another state so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.
So the only people I talk to are my dad (who is awesome), and one aunt who calls me about once a year when drunk, rambles on, then hangs up without saying bye.
First off, your dad could have lost his license. You do NOT do counseling with family members. Totally unethical.
Anonymous
01/06/2022 08:31
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Everyone in my family is estranged from each other, ha. LOTS of drama. Here’s how it happened:
- My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.
- When I left my NPD husband, my mom and siblings all sided with him against me. He’s very charming and persuasive. They gave him a ton of info to use against me to gain custody (which didn’t work, judges don’t care I took SSRIs as a teen) and xH convinced them to sabotage my job and any relationship I tried to have after him. Things like contacting clients to tell them I don’t know what I’m doing and harassing a man I was dating by calling repeatedly, calling his job, etc. So I don’t talk to mom and siblings anymore.
- Mom’s sister hooked up with her husband, so my stepdad. They obviously don’t talk anymore.
- Mom has 4 sisters (5 girls total) who were all very close their whole lives. Then 2 of the sisters left their husbands after the kids were grown. Mom went crazy on them for divorcing - thought it was the wrong thing for them to do - everyone else was pressured into picking sides and eventually just stopped talking to each other because of all the drama.
- Mom and stepdad are still married but basically estranged/separated. She got tired of his crap and bought him a house in another state so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.
So the only people I talk to are my dad (who is awesome), and one aunt who calls me about once a year when drunk, rambles on, then hangs up without saying bye.
- My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.
- When I left my NPD husband, my mom and siblings all sided with him against me. He’s very charming and persuasive. They gave him a ton of info to use against me to gain custody (which didn’t work, judges don’t care I took SSRIs as a teen) and xH convinced them to sabotage my job and any relationship I tried to have after him. Things like contacting clients to tell them I don’t know what I’m doing and harassing a man I was dating by calling repeatedly, calling his job, etc. So I don’t talk to mom and siblings anymore.
- Mom’s sister hooked up with her husband, so my stepdad. They obviously don’t talk anymore.
- Mom has 4 sisters (5 girls total) who were all very close their whole lives. Then 2 of the sisters left their husbands after the kids were grown. Mom went crazy on them for divorcing - thought it was the wrong thing for them to do - everyone else was pressured into picking sides and eventually just stopped talking to each other because of all the drama.
- Mom and stepdad are still married but basically estranged/separated. She got tired of his crap and bought him a house in another state so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.
So the only people I talk to are my dad (who is awesome), and one aunt who calls me about once a year when drunk, rambles on, then hangs up without saying bye.
Anonymous
01/06/2022 07:27
Subject: Re:what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
All dead now, but in their 30s my grandmother didn't talk to my aunt for about 2 years because grandmother thought aunt was wrong about her (the aunt's own) date of birthday by four days. Even when the parents & birth certificate proved her incorrect. My mother was telling me the story to brag about how strong willed her mother was, like it was a good thing - explains so much about my mother.
Anonymous
01/06/2022 07:20
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My family, two generations back, money and land were split between two cousins (and families). One cousin had two kids and one cousin had seven kids. Everything was split 50/50 but there were those who thought it should be split into 9ths.
They still don't talk, though one side does drive-bys at family events.
They still don't talk, though one side does drive-bys at family events.
Anonymous
01/06/2022 00:33
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My MIL has been estranged from her former SIL (widowed, then remarried) for almost 20 years. Apparently there was jealousy over the amount of time MIL spent with her best (local) friend and former SIL felt left out (although she lived an hour away). Then there was competition over their respective daughter’s weddings.
Anonymous
01/06/2022 00:31
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My dad posted some joke on Facebook that involved a reference to OCD. My cousin, who is like over 50 and was diagnosed with OCD before the pandemic, commented that it was hurtful and offensive. My dad apologized in a response comment, and then apologized to him privately. My cousin replied if my dad was really sorry then he'd delete the joke. My dad decided not to do that. So now my cousin spends a lot of energy pointedly not talking to my dad when they're both at family events.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 23:25
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My bff’s mom and her sister are estranged. My bff has a brother-cousin. Enough said.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 23:19
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
One aunt tried to pursue her sister’s husband, who was not an entirely innocent party. The aggrieved aunt divorced him and my grandmother cut off the errant daughter. Almost everyone sided with grandmom . All this happened when everyone was still young and thankfully before any kids. The estranged aunt would sometimes come to family events but was always treated like a pariah.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 22:52
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Me! I got offended at something my sister said about my weight, I de-friended her on Facebook, now we haven’t spoken in 10 years. I apologized soon afterward for de-friending her and I have sent birthday texts and gifts throughout the years, but no response. She will, however, talk to my husband.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 22:44
Subject: Re:what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
This doesn’t happen in healthy families. I am estranged from my three siblings who are also estranged from each other who are also estranged from cousins aunts uncles etc. There were estrangements in the generation before us as well, or at very least distant very cool relationships, so we come by it honestly.
I participate in support groups for adult children of alcoholics and for adult children of narcissists. In my own experience and from observation of others, most true estrangements don’t happen for crazy reasons. They happen because people reach a breaking point with sick family dynamics and to preserve/improve their mental health they have to remove themselves from further exposure to a toxic family atmosphere, from ongoing emotional abuse.
I participate in support groups for adult children of alcoholics and for adult children of narcissists. In my own experience and from observation of others, most true estrangements don’t happen for crazy reasons. They happen because people reach a breaking point with sick family dynamics and to preserve/improve their mental health they have to remove themselves from further exposure to a toxic family atmosphere, from ongoing emotional abuse.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 22:43
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:my aunt (mom's sister) took their mother's wedding dress and cut it up and sewed the fabric onto ornaments which she proceeded to hand out to everyone at our family Christmas gathering. (They were really ugly, and I'm a neutral party so I can say that) She consulted with no one about this plan, and her three sisters are PISSED. Maybe estranged isn't the right word because it's been less than two weeks, but they haven't talked to her since.
Wow. I can see where she thought it was a nice memento, but to cut the dress up without asking us just cruel.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 22:30
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
I think the "crazy reason" is just the straw that broke the camel's back and not the full picture. There is usually a long period of erosion without repair and then that final incident breaks things.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 22:27
Subject: Re:what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Sibling relationships fell apart after widowed mother’s death. Everyone was bossing everyone else around regarding arrangements. Mother was the glue that held us together over years. I think sibling rivalry and jealousies and sadness about losing her just split us all apart. It has been years now and all 6 of us never got fully back on track. Not sure most care, but I do.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 21:04
Subject: Re:what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
That’s sad. It sounds like she was trying to do something nice.
Anonymous
01/05/2022 20:12
Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
my aunt (mom's sister) took their mother's wedding dress and cut it up and sewed the fabric onto ornaments which she proceeded to hand out to everyone at our family Christmas gathering. (They were really ugly, and I'm a neutral party so I can say that ) She consulted with no one about this plan, and her three sisters are PISSED. Maybe estranged isn't the right word because it's been less than two weeks, but they haven't talked to her since.
) She consulted with no one about this plan, and her three sisters are PISSED. Maybe estranged isn't the right word because it's been less than two weeks, but they haven't talked to her since.