Sounds like a cultural problem. Where is your husband?

I wouldn’t respond beyond sending my well wishes. Let your DH handle his mom’s surgery and recovery.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people, myself included, have no idea what IVF involves or that it includes any physical hardship or pain.

But OP's MIL doesn't even acknowledge she's overseas. Just wants OP to take care of her .

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is extremely selfish woman. I went through 3 round of IVF and not even once she asked me how I am.
Today she sent me a text that she is getting her hip replacement surgery soon and hopes I will be there for her, while I am overseas doing another round of IVF.

How can one person be so clueless?

Just a vent. Sorry.

Sorry to hear this OP. I can relate. My own mother once called me in the hospital to find out if I could run an errand for her when I got out. Yet never acknowledged I was in the hospital or asked how I was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people, myself included, have no idea what IVF involves or that it includes any physical hardship or pain.

+1. And when you are traveling overseas to do it, I think that tends to further diminish the impression that it’s a physical hardship, because many people associate foreign travel with luxury more than physical burden.

+2 If neither you nor your husband explained to her that this involved physical hardship, she likely had no idea. And many people are reticent to talk about it because it seems so personal.

My MIL is the last person I would want to share anything about the IVF process with.

And I tend to not ask about it when I know others are going through it (unless they bring it up) so as to not be intrusive.

How open have you been with her about the process? Does she understand what it entails?

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was better not to ask about IVF bc it adds pressure? I would gladly talk to someone about it if they brought it up, but I wouldn’t keep asking them how their IVF is going. It seems intrusive.

+1 If you do not bring it up, I will not ask. It is very personal/emotional.

I thought it was better not to ask about IVF bc it adds pressure? I would gladly talk to someone about it if they brought it up, but I wouldn’t keep asking them how their IVF is going. It seems intrusive.

Was she included in your IVF experience and was it talked about openly? I have a friend who said it’s extremely personal and she only wants to talk about it when she brings it up so everyone (her extended family included) just follows her lead. Maybe your MIL felt she was being respectful of a very sensitive situation?

Anyway, I don’t see a problem with her asking for
your support. At least she’s not expecting you to be a mind reader and then talking sh*t about you behind your back.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people, myself included, have no idea what IVF involves or that it includes any physical hardship or pain.

+1. And when you are traveling overseas to do it, I think that tends to further diminish the impression that it’s a physical hardship, because many people associate foreign travel with luxury more than physical burden.

Your DH is the first problem here. Why has he not communicated to his mother that your IVF experiences have been a struggle for both of you and specifically, physically hard on you? Don't blame MIL for being clueless if she actually is clueless because she has not been adequately informed.

The second problem is your own attitude. Be honest, if your MIL asked you about your IVF journey, would you have called her questions intrusive and hurtful? Is it possible that your MIL is damned if she does, damned if she doesn't?

Lastly, starting out by calling any person extremely selfish because they have not been focused on you and your problems can also be considered ... selfish.

Lastly,

She may be trying to avoid talking about IVF because she thinks it would make you feel pressure, spark false hope, etc. Maybe she is just waiting for the good news rather than commenting on an intensely personal process to get to that good news.

A lot of people, myself included, have no idea what IVF involves or that it includes any physical hardship or pain.

“I’ll be there for you exactly as much as you I’ve been there for me with my medical struggles lately.”

My MIL is extremely selfish woman. I went through 3 round of IVF and not even once she asked me how I am.
Today she sent me a text that she is getting her hip replacement surgery soon and hopes I will be there for her, while I am overseas doing another round of IVF.

How can one person be so clueless?

Just a vent. Sorry.