I can't remember how old my DD was, but about that same age, and she was doing a terrible job of washing her hair. So once a week I washed her hair so at least it got one good washing. I also emphasized shampoo was for the scalp/roots, and had her apply conditioner only from her ears down (she had/has long hair). But she got it finally and at 14 I'm not still washing her hair.

This thread is making me smile. When DD was this age, I thought I was the only one with a daughter with this problem. I found it super baffling, actually.

And then I realized I had no memory of anyone showing ME how to shampoo my hair. So how did I know how to lather and rinse thoroughly?

I suspect a sensory issue is at play, not a problematic one per se, but just that they are not connecting the sensation of foaming and rinsing with something good, yet. Or something like that?

I have had to watch my son through the glass door and coach him off and on since he was 7 and started taking showers. LOL. He smells clean now every time (12)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get her to go in the shower in a swimsuit and show you what she's doing with her hair.

I would also explain that shampoo is for cleaning your scalp - all of it, and that the hair getting clean is a bi-product of that.

Why would she have to wear a swimsuit in front of a PARENT?

Look, I remember being 10 and I didn’t want my dad seeing my naked body.

+1 not everyone is a born exhibitionist

Get a shower head that lowers. The biggest issue is lack of water pressure on the head. Showers need to be a foot or so above the child’s head, not 3-4 feet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get her to go in the shower in a swimsuit and show you what she's doing with her hair.

I would also explain that shampoo is for cleaning your scalp - all of it, and that the hair getting clean is a bi-product of that.

Why would she have to wear a swimsuit in front of a PARENT?

I would certainly offer that to a pubescent child as an option that way you take away any of their potential concerns about not wanting to show you how the shampoo because the problem is they don’t want you to see them naked. Even if the kid grew up in a really body positive household they can still feel uncomfortable that they’re changing bodies

Anonymous wrote:We stopped with conditioner. Double shampoo. This will work itself out on its own once they are a teen.

We had to do the same because she was just not effectively washing her hair and I did observe her washing her hair and she was just like lazily smoothing the shampoo on the top.

We stopped with conditioner. Double shampoo. This will work itself out on its own once they are a teen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:get her to go in the shower in a swimsuit and show you what she's doing with her hair.

I would also explain that shampoo is for cleaning your scalp - all of it, and that the hair getting clean is a bi-product of that.

Why would she have to wear a swimsuit in front of a PARENT?

Look, I remember being 10 and I didn’t want my dad seeing my naked body.

Anonymous wrote:get her to go in the shower in a swimsuit and show you what she's doing with her hair.

I would also explain that shampoo is for cleaning your scalp - all of it, and that the hair getting clean is a bi-product of that.

Why would she have to wear a swimsuit in front of a PARENT?

There are "hair influencers" like people on YouTube/TikTok that have videos about hair care and of course promote products. Maybe get her some custom stuff (prose is the one I like you take a quiz and you get stuff made just for you) and you can have her watch videos. I'm 30 and I've learned a lot online about haircare too

BTDT!
Tell her it’s note about washing her scalp, my DD was focusing on the rest of the hair and not paying attention to the scalp which is really the important part
Get one of those shampoo massager brushes on amazon. They feel REALLY great and help with the “wash everything” bit.
Also, check the water pressure. I seriously think half if DD’s issue is that we werent aware of how craptastic the water pressure was in the kids bathroom. New showerhead, suddenly the issue became much less!

I have had my 10-yr-old mimic the actions of the entire process with me on dry hair. Then, once he was in the shower I sat on the toilet offering reminders and asking questions. His scalp was constantly stinky and this helped.

get her to go in the shower in a swimsuit and show you what she's doing with her hair.

I would also explain that shampoo is for cleaning your scalp - all of it, and that the hair getting clean is a bi-product of that.

No matter how many times I explain or show her, it seems like she still doesn’t know what to do! If she’s not properly rinsing, she’s forgetting to wash the back of her head all together. Too much conditioner. Forgetting shampoo. I’m sure it gets better with age, but I feel like we should be here already. Help!