Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the last gasp of parenting superiority. Certain parents have spent the last 18ish years justifying their own worth and validating their own choices through the accomplishments of their children. They are wildly insecure and emotionally broken. Where their kid gets into school is the last big opportunity to hold their child up as proof of their own relevancy and success, rather than being relevant and successful in their own. Part of that is dysfunction diminishing others and the children of others.

These parents may do this more subtly or not at all in real life to not ostracize themselves from society with such narcissistic behavior, or maybe they have no one to subject this too in real life because they’ve already driven everyone away, so they come to an anonymous forum where it can be done without consequence.

Doubt it. Parent’s success and accomplishments are typically positively correlated with their children’s, not negatively. You’re saying it as another toxic person who is jealous and thinks negatively about people who have more success than you.

Wow. You just proved the PPs entire point.

I can’t figure out why people also don’t answer the questions and instead just belittle others. There is so much smug assumption that this board is veering into being completely unhelpful.

Anonymous wrote:It’s the last gasp of parenting superiority. Certain parents have spent the last 18ish years justifying their own worth and validating their own choices through the accomplishments of their children. They are wildly insecure and emotionally broken. Where their kid gets into school is the last big opportunity to hold their child up as proof of their own relevancy and success, rather than being relevant and successful in their own. Part of that is dysfunction diminishing others and the children of others.

These parents may do this more subtly or not at all in real life to not ostracize themselves from society with such narcissistic behavior, or maybe they have no one to subject this too in real life because they’ve already driven everyone away, so they come to an anonymous forum where it can be done without consequence.

Doubt it. Parent’s success and accomplishments are typically positively correlated with their children’s, not negatively. You’re saying it as another toxic person who is jealous and thinks negatively about people who have more success than you.

Anonymous wrote:Yes and they only care about elite top 20 or schools. Not about the major, or about the fit, cost , location etc. As long as the college name can impress others .. that’s all that matters.

You’re the one who is toxic. People can care whatever fits their needs. Just because your kid couldn’t get in top 20, doesn’t mean others won’t benefit from it.

It’s the last gasp of parenting superiority. Certain parents have spent the last 18ish years justifying their own worth and validating their own choices through the accomplishments of their children. They are wildly insecure and emotionally broken. Where their kid gets into school is the last big opportunity to hold their child up as proof of their own relevancy and success, rather than being relevant and successful in their own. Part of that is dysfunction diminishing others and the children of others.

These parents may do this more subtly or not at all in real life to not ostracize themselves from society with such narcissistic behavior, or maybe they have no one to subject this too in real life because they’ve already driven everyone away, so they come to an anonymous forum where it can be done without consequence.

Yes and they only care about elite top 20 or schools. Not about the major, or about the fit, cost , location etc. As long as the college name can impress others .. that’s all that matters.

Anonymous wrote:Probably insecurity is the right answer..
This forum is really toxic. It’s definitely not good for advice. It’s only for bragging and tearing down other parents for their choices.

If you weed through the junk it's useful as a starting point. I've assembled what I think is a pretty good list of schools that are generous with merit and this site has been pretty useful

Yes yes yes. This is such a problem on this forum. I guess some people get their jollies from cruelty, denigrating others and their kids. And, others don't realize how rude they are sometimes because they are too absorbed in a God complex. I don't know. But there are definitely ones who say deliberately unkind things, like on the current MIT/disabilities thread. What does slamming someone's mental difference or disability add to the discussion or net them? I guess they think that somehow anonymity allows it? Or the rest of us aren't real people? I just don't get it.

Probably insecurity is the right answer..
This forum is really toxic. It’s definitely not good for advice. It’s only for bragging and tearing down other parents for their choices.

If you think this forum is bad, clearly you haven't been to the soccer forum here. I find this whole site to be about 50% toxic. The other 50% sometimes contains useful information. It's pretty easy to spot the toxic threads in this forum though...anything comparing schools like, "Is X school elite?"

That's what makes this area so great.

Everyone is full of crap with their finances, their kids, and their accomplishments.

They all realize it when their kids get smacked down about this time of year when colleges make their decisions and then they create posts on here about how bad this school is and that school and how happy their kid is at a school they suddenly deem a great fit for their kid.

It really is alarming awful and not a good look. I think it’s a combination of insecurity and entitlement. These parents act like it’s a zero sum game and if your child succeeds it means their child won’t. They also do seem to love tearing down certain schools or lower ranked ones, again - insecurity? Snobbery? Frustration that a kid who in their eyes didn’t achieve as much as their kid now has options and is happy with them? Many people in this area have spent a lot of time and money with this one goal in mind (private school, tutoring, lessons and activities and travel sports) and I think are weirdly obsessive about this one outcome. They also seem to expect a comparable return on their investment. Would love to hear others’ thoughts.

Because they’re insecure. Insecurity is the reason for most cruelty in general.

I agree and it’s getting worse.

Honestly, it’s really alarming to me. What do you get from berating a family or young adult and their choices, etc? It’s awful.