How old is your son? BTW I totally agree about SMART vs AA sponsor. This is also painful for him (I was the spouse who would find the hidden bottles). You'll have to think about how to approach this with him, especially if he is old enough to know what rehab and hidden bottles mean and young enough to need an adult to talk through it with him.

Call your sponsor. Now.

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. You do not suck. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe this is a push you needed to try again. Don’t give up OP.

+1. OP

And don't wait until tomorrow. This very moment is a new start. Throw the bottles out and start doing better today.

It’s 3:34, new start for you starting at 3:35!

OP, what’s your support? Can you go to a Zoom meeting or attend one in person? I know you feel ashamed, but don’t spiral out. You can get through this.

Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

You messed up and it was not a good day. Look ahead to tomorrow and start from right now. Tomorrow will be better. Your son is seeing you are not perfect and let him see how you can take responsibility for your mistakes. Reach out for support and let him see that too. One day at a time, mom.

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. You do not suck. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe this is a push you needed to try again. Don’t give up OP.

+1

Recognize that different things are going to work for different people. Just because this round of rehab didn’t work doesn’t mean nothing out there will. This is a painful moment but don’t lose hope.

One day. Try again. You are worth it and your child worth it. Be clear with son so does not become secret that he some day will absorb. Show him you can and how one does get help for self when needed. Take care.

Do you have a sponsor or therapist you can reach out to?

It’s ok, you can start again. As PP said, be gentle with yourself and keep going.

It sucks. You do not suck. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe this is a push you needed to try again. Don’t give up OP.

I guess rehab didn’t work?

I'm so sorry, OP. Holidays can be really rough.

No advice except be gentle with yourself. Calling yourself names doesn’t do anybody any good.

I just got out of rehab a week ago. I was hiding bottles in my room and my son and I were on Zoom with my parents and brother and he ran up to my room and found my bottles. I suck.