Anonymous
Post 12/15/2021 13:12     Subject: 3.5 year old hates daycare/preschool-

Anonymous wrote:My son is like this. First off, he doesn't hate school it turns out. "Hate" has more of a meaning for adults than for kids -- just like when a 4 year old uses the word "stupid," they have no idea what it truly means. It turns out he prefers to stay home with me and likes that better. He gets 1 on 1 attention and is pampered all day, of course he loves it.

What's helped is reframing -- "you don't hate school, you'd just rather be home with me. I'd rather be home with you than go to work, but I have to go to work and you have to go to school." I try to empathize.

We also write stories about how he feels in school. Turns out he hates lunchtime because it is loud and the other kids eat in a messy way. But talking through that helps. Other parts of the day he loves. Then we can talk about the good things too.

Also, on Mondays and Wednesdays he gets to watch a movie. I tell him Mondays are hard for everyone and we deserve a treat for getting through Monday and Hump Day. But he only gets it if he goes to school. If he stays home he doesn't get the treat.

This only will work if the school is good and a good fit.

PS -- MANY kids have meltdowns at drop offs. Unfortunately. Then are fine 5 minutes later. That's just a fact of life for some kids I think. So you may have to give up fighting it and make peace with it (sorry).

PPS -- 3.5 seems young to be doing letters/numbers, but that's just my opinion. I like play based better.


Yeah, it may not be a good fit. Anecdotally, we moved my DS from a large in-home daycare around that age that was strangely academic for an in-home daycare- once the kids moved up to the "preschool" cohort they spent a lot of time tracing numbers and letters. Kids who stayed until kindergarten often knew how to read before K, which some parents liked but my DS needed more free play and run around time. We moved him to a play-based center and he is happier overall.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2021 11:44     Subject: 3.5 year old hates daycare/preschool-

My son is like this. First off, he doesn't hate school it turns out. "Hate" has more of a meaning for adults than for kids -- just like when a 4 year old uses the word "stupid," they have no idea what it truly means. It turns out he prefers to stay home with me and likes that better. He gets 1 on 1 attention and is pampered all day, of course he loves it.

What's helped is reframing -- "you don't hate school, you'd just rather be home with me. I'd rather be home with you than go to work, but I have to go to work and you have to go to school." I try to empathize.

We also write stories about how he feels in school. Turns out he hates lunchtime because it is loud and the other kids eat in a messy way. But talking through that helps. Other parts of the day he loves. Then we can talk about the good things too.

Also, on Mondays and Wednesdays he gets to watch a movie. I tell him Mondays are hard for everyone and we deserve a treat for getting through Monday and Hump Day. But he only gets it if he goes to school. If he stays home he doesn't get the treat.

This only will work if the school is good and a good fit.

PS -- MANY kids have meltdowns at drop offs. Unfortunately. Then are fine 5 minutes later. That's just a fact of life for some kids I think. So you may have to give up fighting it and make peace with it (sorry).

PPS -- 3.5 seems young to be doing letters/numbers, but that's just my opinion. I like play based better.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2021 11:38     Subject: Re:3.5 year old hates daycare/preschool-

OP here- some mornings are easier than others, but often we have to physically lead him/ get him through the door to get in.
the teachers say once he's there he's fine except maybe 1-2 more outburts at set transition times (from lunch to nap, or from playtime to lunch time)- those seem to be the biggest triggers for break downs. But he says he hates the "school" part to where they practice letters/ numbers.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2021 11:37     Subject: 3.5 year old hates daycare/preschool-

Is it just the drop off and pick up times that are chaotic? Is he okay the remainder of the day?
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2021 11:31     Subject: 3.5 year old hates daycare/preschool-

My 3.5 yo will say he hates school. He doesn’t, though! He walks in willingly every day and is so happy there when I pick him up. He just prefers home, is my best guess.

Is he happy during the day? What do his teachers say?
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2021 11:29     Subject: 3.5 year old hates daycare/preschool-

So we switched daycares back about 2 months ago, because our 3 year old hated the daycare center he was in. He would say he didn't like it, didn't want to go, only liked the playground, etc.
We are now at an in home and he still hates it.

Do some kids just hate daycare/preschool? How do you fix that? My husband and I are so exhausted and frustrated fighting over who has to take him in the am, because it's such a struggle. It's leading to a lot of marital fights and tension. I don't want to keep bouncing him from 1 daycare to another...