Sorry... it was caregiver who was verbally abusive, but to be honest while care-receiver could still talk , care-receiver was pretty nasty and resentful to caregiver and much nicer when in the care of strangers or other family members.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well one of the threads on here nails one of the many reasons we could have a nervous breakdown...


delusional parents determined to age in place in houses that need tons of upkeep and have crazy steps and few of the amenities needed to age in place....and we live closest and they don't hesitate to call for every "emergency." Mention a fancy assisted living or continued care and tantrum city.

Oh, and add to this those 'well meaning' people who call YOU cruel for even SUGGESTING a change in living arrangement

OMG...Amen to that. I had one parent who was behaving in a severely mentally ill manner from dealing with the other's decline. The caregiver was becoming verbally abusive on a regular basis to the caree. We got lots of help in the house and found day programs which helped, but as the care-receiver declined it was just too much...really for anyone and clearly for the caregiver. I was DEMONIZED for pushing for Memory care. The entire family was informed of how horrible I was. I have enough class that I could not bare to reveal just how outright abusive the care-receiver was which was observed and noted by professionals. I didn't not want to start the drama. Things declined more and finally the caregiver was ready to consider memory care, but by then it was too late and the caregiver refused to accept a nursing home was the only option. it was a mess and let me tell you the care-receiver was MUCH happier and calmer when away from the caregiver. Oh and don't get me started when the care-receiver was toward the end unable to do anything independently and at the hospital on a feeding tube. Caregiver refused to listen to hospice and let care-receiver go peacefully. Nope, care-receiver was kept alive in misery until the last moment. And I am the bad guy for pushing caregiver to listen to hospice-the experts who believed in humane treatment at the end.

Anonymous wrote:Well one of the threads on here nails one of the many reasons we could have a nervous breakdown...


delusional parents determined to age in place in houses that need tons of upkeep and have crazy steps and few of the amenities needed to age in place....and we live closest and they don't hesitate to call for every "emergency." Mention a fancy assisted living or continued care and tantrum city.

Oh, and add to this those 'well meaning' people who call YOU cruel for even SUGGESTING a change in living arrangement

If I didn't have a therapist helping me set boundaries, I would have had the nervous breakdown already. Jugging our own health issues, raising kids, especially wacky teens, our wacky parents, work, life stress and the pandemic is no joke. I never thought middle age would be like this. Thank goodness for still having a sense of humor.

Well one of the threads on here nails one of the many reasons we could have a nervous breakdown...


delusional parents determined to age in place in houses that need tons of upkeep and have crazy steps and few of the amenities needed to age in place....and we live closest and they don't hesitate to call for every "emergency." Mention a fancy assisted living or continued care and tantrum city.

Anonymous wrote:I think it hasn't been written because we are all too busy being sandwiched to write a book!

Good point! And...when it's over we'll be too burned out or old to write it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It should definitely include a storyline about having almost grown teenagers but still having to let your ILs host Christmas and how you never get to have your own chunk of time where your kids are young and you host.

Did you live near your in laws or parents? If so, why did you never move away and live on your own? If you wanted your own holiday with your own kids, why didn’t you just stay home and have your own time together?

I just don’t get why people have to “host” for it to be a good holiday instead of it being enough to just have a cozy holiday with their own immediate family.

yeah we have never hosted family because both sides already had established routines by the time my DH and I got married. But we do stay home some years and either just do a big meal for immediate family or invite friends over. It is great.

I think it's one of those thing you don't realize it will happen to you -- until it does. So we are all too in the thick of it to write about it! Just what a PP wrote.

Anonymous wrote:It should definitely include a storyline about having almost grown teenagers but still having to let your ILs host Christmas and how you never get to have your own chunk of time where your kids are young and you host.

Did you live near your in laws or parents? If so, why did you never move away and live on your own? If you wanted your own holiday with your own kids, why didn’t you just stay home and have your own time together?

I just don’t get why people have to “host” for it to be a good holiday instead of it being enough to just have a cozy holiday with their own immediate family.

I think it hasn't been written because we are all too busy being sandwiched to write a book!

I would read! I had my kids late though so I went through this with preschoolers/elementary kids. Similar weird juxtapositions though. My older DD coached my dad with dementia through more than one tantrum! I bet you have a ton of great stories. It is so important to find the humor (and not my strong point, so better you than me).

It should definitely include a storyline about having almost grown teenagers but still having to let your ILs host Christmas and how you never get to have your own chunk of time where your kids are young and you host.

Anonymous wrote:You need to read this graphic novel “Can We Talk About Something More Pleasant” by Ron Chast. It’s all about taking care of her elderly parents. It’s fabulous.

Next Amazon order, I am adding this. Thank you!! Oh and to be clear...didn't even have them live with me which to some might mean I did/do nothing, but it's exhausting.

You need to read this graphic novel “Can We Talk About Something More Pleasant” by Ron Chast. It’s all about taking care of her elderly parents. It’s fabulous.

Did I miss the book and movie or is it just too depressing? I mean you could make it funny. Nothing like elderly parents with dementia and teenagers who do their thing to add some humor to pain right? Every new thing...emergencies/elder tantrums/teenage meltdowns/death/pandemic/spouse surgery/child's cancer scare/school shutdown/inlaw tantrums and so, so much more makes me think...the next one, the next stressor will be the one that gives me the nervous breakdown, but nope...it hasn't happened yet. Where is our harried and disheveled, but still standing female heroine (or male hero) to help us laugh through the pain. Who would play her in the movie version?