Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could take the job, but presumably you'd need to leave the kids behind.

I can't imagine doing that as a parent, but other people feel differently.

Oh no - I’m not leaving them behind.

Then you stay. Being a parent means putting your kids first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

If your ex-husband has 50% custody, he is an involved Dad and it would be terrible to take them from him. A few visits a year isn't enough for the kids to have a relationship with their Dad.

You leave the kids with Dad and move. You get visitations and/or travel to see them. Problem solved.

I can’t do that… he is an absentee dad and goes nuts if he babysits too much.

Then you stay and figure out a career path for the next 18 or less years that doesn't destroy your children's relationship with one parent.

Yes, you are stuck in the same location and have to decline the job.

Or you can take the job and give ip some custody. If your husband is willing the kids can live in the US with him and visit you at Christmas and in the summer. Your husband would have to be able to trust that you would send the kids back.

Or you can be the one to come back - using all your vacation time to come back to the US. If you plan carefully, you can probably get back for 1 week every 3 months.

I had to give up my career because I could no longer work overseas. I would never give up custody of my kids and I would never refuse my ex 50% custody if he wanted it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

If your ex-husband has 50% custody, he is an involved Dad and it would be terrible to take them from him. A few visits a year isn't enough for the kids to have a relationship with their Dad.

You leave the kids with Dad and move. You get visitations and/or travel to see them. Problem solved.

Say what? How is it not enough time for them kids to have a relationship with their dad, but if the mom leaves them behind it is enough time??? Makes no sense.

OP, I would work on getting the job offer first. Talk to your lawyer about options and then talk to your ex. Yes, in that order. If you don’t end up getting the job, there’s no point to doing any of this.

You’ll need a new custody agreement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

If your ex-husband has 50% custody, he is an involved Dad and it would be terrible to take them from him. A few visits a year isn't enough for the kids to have a relationship with their Dad.

You leave the kids with Dad and move. You get visitations and/or travel to see them. Problem solved.

I can’t do that… he is an absentee dad and goes nuts if he babysits too much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You can go if you want to. You do the right thing and leave the kids with him. Problem solved.

With kids that is.

Anonymous wrote:If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

If your ex-husband has 50% custody, he is an involved Dad and it would be terrible to take them from him. A few visits a year isn't enough for the kids to have a relationship with their Dad.

You leave the kids with Dad and move. You get visitations and/or travel to see them. Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

Anonymous wrote:You could take the job, but presumably you'd need to leave the kids behind.

I can't imagine doing that as a parent, but other people feel differently.

Oh no - I’m not leaving them behind.

You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

If you had this problem, what was the resolution?
Talk your spouse into letting you pursue your career somehow?
My DH was not that much into being family mane anyway… so I am hoping he won’t mind if we agree on visit-travel schedules several times a year…

You could take the job, but presumably you'd need to leave the kids behind.

I can't imagine doing that as a parent, but other people feel differently.

Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?