Anonymous wrote:We pay for everything with my MIL with also the expectation that we will take care of her in old age. We have been paying MIL about $500-1000 a month to do a date night every Friday. She only wants to stay for 2 hours and she wants us to pay for her uber there and back or pick her up because she doesn't love driving. I found out my husband gave her $1500 for Christmas as a gift. I just feel... it's excessive. We have two young kids. I am ok with about $500 a month. I don't want to use our entire childcare budget on her. I prefer to use sitters so it's not this type of situation where she wants a ride (she lives 20 min away).

Taking the babysitting issue out of the equation, I have to ask, is your DH her only child? Because if he’s not and you’re giving her all this cash every month, it really needs to turn into a formal arrangement where you keep track of what you’re giving her and get the money back as part of her estate. That’s a lot of money to give someone every month so you and DH need to agree on a set amount and stop pretending it’s for services rendered.

It also sounds like your MIL is too old to babysit and y’all should find a better babysitting solution. I would assume she’s telling the truth if she tells you that she’s not comfortable driving at night. I would also assume she has a 2 hour limit bc she gets tired. It’s better for all of you if someone else watches the kiddos.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your husband wants to give her money, just using the babysitting as the excuse to do so.

This is my theory as well. It isn't ideal, but it might be a misguided effort to preserve dignity or save face. I know someone who gets paid a great deal of money by her parents to "Do work" around their house once a week. I gather it is really just a way to give her money (that also may be tax-advantaged as she may be on an actual payroll).

My suggestion is to talk to your husband. Agree on an amount of money that you both are comfortable with. And then start looking at it is a gift or form of support, as opposed to payment for services rendered.

Anonymous wrote:We pay for everything with my MIL with also the expectation that we will take care of her in old age. We have been paying MIL about $500-1000 a month to do a date night every Friday. She only wants to stay for 2 hours and she wants us to pay for her uber there and back or pick her up because she doesn't love driving. I found out my husband gave her $1500 for Christmas as a gift. I just feel... it's excessive. We have two young kids. I am ok with about $500 a month. I don't want to use our entire childcare budget on her. I prefer to use sitters so it's not this type of situation where she wants a ride (she lives 20 min away).

Drive her as probably scary for her to drive at night but cut right back in the money - insane amount for babysitting own grandchildren.

Sounds like your husband wants to give her money, just using the babysitting as the excuse to do so.

You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. Talk to him and set a budget.

Hard no on paying a grandmother to spend a few hours with her own grandkids. If she doesn’t want to do it then get a sitter. Tell her to F off when she complains later about not seeing the kids enough.

How old is she?

I agree switching to a sitter will make life more enjoyable for you. 2 hour limit for that price and having to provide a ride (if there truly is no driving limitation, just a preference) is ridiculous.

Sounds like your DH will want to continue giving her money though. I think that is your real issue here - not on the same page about financial support to a parent.

But it really wouldn't be that much more to just give her the $800 a month but pay a separate sitter, and it would remove that weekly frustration of her high maintenance demands around your date nights

Why are you paying your MIL to spend time with her grandkids? Would she not do it otherwise?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's getting older. Why aren't you driving her back and forth.

Yeah you should not be asking old lady to drive at night. I don’t really understand what you mean about the money so it’s hard for me to have an opinion on that

Well she has a room in our home so she can stay over.
I just feel like we are giving her too much and we should cut back and use a college student or neighborhood babysitter who charges $20 an hour but we don't have to deal with the extra asks.

She is older. Drive her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's getting older. Why aren't you driving her back and forth.

Yeah you should not be asking old lady to drive at night. I don’t really understand what you mean about the money so it’s hard for me to have an opinion on that

Well she has a room in our home so she can stay over.
I just feel like we are giving her too much and we should cut back and use a college student or neighborhood babysitter who charges $20 an hour but we don't have to deal with the extra asks.

$1,000 for eight hours with her own grandchildren?

What an everloving RACKET.

I babysit my grandkids 4 times that much for free…..provide all food, crafts, etc. Why are you paying her?

Anonymous wrote:She's getting older. Why aren't you driving her back and forth.

Yeah you should not be asking old lady to drive at night. I don’t really understand what you mean about the money so it’s hard for me to have an opinion on that

She's getting older. Why aren't you driving her back and forth.

We pay for everything with my MIL with also the expectation that we will take care of her in old age. We have been paying MIL about $500-1000 a month to do a date night every Friday. She only wants to stay for 2 hours and she wants us to pay for her uber there and back or pick her up because she doesn't love driving. I found out my husband gave her $1500 for Christmas as a gift. I just feel... it's excessive. We have two young kids. I am ok with about $500 a month. I don't want to use our entire childcare budget on her. I prefer to use sitters so it's not this type of situation where she wants a ride (she lives 20 min away).