Everything here is spot on. Have set times for eating and that is it. She should not get the cupcake 30 minutes later - time for cupcakes was over. She will eat when she's hungry and she will learn that she has to do it faster.

My similar child didn't catch on until Kindergarten when the lunch time was only 20 minutes and she either ate quickly or was starving by the end of day.

Are there any negative outcomes from her not eating much - lack of energy, unusual tantrums, etc? If not, I would let it go. If you’re really worried about her weight, maybe sneak in as many high fat foods as you can? And I would probably do some snacks on the weekends.

Anonymous wrote:Meal is 'x' minutes long. She eats in that time frame or not. Little to no prompting beyond one or two reminders "It is time for eating."

Your role is to decide what food to offer, plus when and where. Her job is to decide when and if to eat.

Make breakfast nutrition rich if that is your best bet for getting quantity in.

Remove the negativity and stress associated with meal times.

This, exactly. Give her a reminder that this is meal time. If she doesn't feel like eating, that's fine, she can have a snack in two hours or whatever your time frame is. And then stick to it. If she's hungry 40 minutes, tell her snack will be at X and then distract. Believe me, she will eat the next snack/meal.

Don't cajole, argue, or cater to her every whim.

You say she's eating breakfast. My DS would eat a ton at breakfast and then a little lunch and almost no dinner. It all balanced out in the end. I would serve meals and she eats or not. if you just continue to serve her another meal later when she wants then she's not going to eat with everyone else, because she knows she'll get it later. Don't give her the cupcake later. it's a simple, time for eating is done, I'll put your cupcake away for tomorrow after you've eaten your dinner.

She is not going to starve. She will eat when she's hungry. Put out healthy snacks, invite her to eat with you and if she chooses not to, ok.

I would stop with the coaxing. It's teaching her to ignore her own hunger signals. She clearly eats when she is hungry.
If her pediatrician is concerned, then they can give you recommendations. But otherwise I would leave it alone.

Throw some pediasure at her?

Since she is at a decent weight, I would back off and not cajole for a month and see what happens.

Double check portion sizes for her age range and make sure your expectation for food intake for the day are reasonable.

Offering smaller portion throughout the day work better for some. Some are overwhelmed by a full plate of food before them.

Anonymous wrote:Unless she is failure to thrive or can’t keep up with other kids her age I would try and take a step back and stop worrying about it. I know it’s hard, but offer 3 means a day, 2 snacks and what she eats she eats. I would not allow dessert tho like any cookies, candy, etc unless a certain amount is eaten. I always did my kids age in bites and that worked well. Stop cajoling and bribing. Don’t give crap “ just so she will eat something” so many people fall into that and then you have a kid who only eats nuggets, hot dogs etc.

+1

She may not be hungry and may not need a lot of food. Two year olds can out-eat four year olds.

She is very distracted and that may be part of the issue. But the other part of the issue is that she may not need more than a couple bites of food.

Unless she is failure to thrive or can’t keep up with other kids her age I would try and take a step back and stop worrying about it. I know it’s hard, but offer 3 means a day, 2 snacks and what she eats she eats. I would not allow dessert tho like any cookies, candy, etc unless a certain amount is eaten. I always did my kids age in bites and that worked well. Stop cajoling and bribing. Don’t give crap “ just so she will eat something” so many people fall into that and then you have a kid who only eats nuggets, hot dogs etc.

Meal is 'x' minutes long. She eats in that time frame or not. Little to no prompting beyond one or two reminders "It is time for eating."

Your role is to decide what food to offer, plus when and where. Her job is to decide when and if to eat.

Make breakfast nutrition rich if that is your best bet for getting quantity in.

Remove the negativity and stress associated with meal times.

No advice, other than my daughter (turned 5 this week) basically doesn't start eating until everyone else is pretty much done. Same...just has a million things to do before she starts eating. It's annoying. She will then eat a lot, though.

I'll add that we mostly don't do snacks on the weekends, although she does get two small snacks at school. She still doesn't do meals on weekends, even with no snacks.

Her body weight is 20% for her age, while height is around 50%.

DD has always required coaxing to eat food off her plate, no matter what I make, and I try to make foods that she likes. It's not that she is picky and doesn't like the food- she just barely picks at it and would rather do anything- literally anything else- sing, tell stories, prat fall off her chair. And she therefore takes FOREVER. We had birthday cupcakes for my son's 2nd last night, and took so long waiting for her to take just 3 bites of food that we finally gave up and she didn't get a cupcake with us (she eventually got one 30 minutes later). I'm not forcing her to finish her plate, or even trying to make her try every food on her plate. I just want her to have a bare minimum of food so she doesn't starve. At school she is the same way- her lunch box always returns 1/3 eaten, and she complains that there isn't enough time to eat (there is absolutely enough time to eat). Her one good meal is breakfast, which she eats most of, probably every other day, I assume because she is hungry from the night before.

I am exhausted by this constant struggle and I don't know how to break this cycle. It triggers me unlike anything else- every meal is just a series of threats, cajoling and bribery and nothing works. Last night I snapped a little and threatened to tell Santa she was being naughty and she wouldn't get presents (which, yes, I realize was insane). It didn't work anyway.

I already know I am doing this wrong, and I also don't want to be this parent. All advice welcome.