Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:42
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Sounds like your husband addressed the issue pretty well. Although I would suggest that if they come visit you that you recommend a hotel so they won't be woken up, even if your basement area is pretty sound proof. And obviously stay in a hotel if/when you choose to go visit them again. It's not like you can only sleep in each others' homes. Babies cry and little kids still wake up in the night for whatever reason, and if she can't deal with the sleep disturbance it's better for everyone to have separate space at night.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:40
Subject: Re:MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
I don't understand what your problem is with your MIL getting up in her own house. Did she complain to you about noise? Did she yell & turn on lights? Did she offer parenting advice? Now you will probably come back and claim she did all of those things.
Maybe you feel self-conscious and/or uncomfortable, own that as your issue. Don't displace it on her.
Maybe you feel self-conscious and/or uncomfortable, own that as your issue. Don't displace it on her.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:40
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.
Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:39
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Let it blow over. She probably wanted to help. You were annoyed and sleep deprived, and everyone struggled with the change of routine related to overnight travel/hosting.
+1. Unless she's normally a horrible person, she's a grandmother and excited the baby was there and of course distressed by the tears.
My parents let me CIO from the time I was born, that was the 70s and it was what was expected. However, my mom shared when my own kids were infants that it was awful to hear them cry and it always woke her and pulled at her heart. No malice, just a desire to help since she was awake.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:38
Subject: Re:MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Walking around your own house isn’t “prowling”.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:37
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
It's childish she is mad at your for not being friendly IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
I'd explain: the more commotion, the harder it is for all of us to fall back asleep. So we try to keep things calm and quiet, no conversations, just doing our routine and getting us all back to bed. Because we are exhausted. So if you hear us up with the baby, we do not need help. We just need quiet. You kept interrupting that quiet, and I thought I'd explained it to you and I'm sorry I did a poor job. Like I said, we are pretty exhausted. I am sorry I hurt your feelings.
I'd explain: the more commotion, the harder it is for all of us to fall back asleep. So we try to keep things calm and quiet, no conversations, just doing our routine and getting us all back to bed. Because we are exhausted. So if you hear us up with the baby, we do not need help. We just need quiet. You kept interrupting that quiet, and I thought I'd explained it to you and I'm sorry I did a poor job. Like I said, we are pretty exhausted. I am sorry I hurt your feelings.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:37
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:35
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Let it blow over. She probably wanted to help. You were annoyed and sleep deprived, and everyone struggled with the change of routine related to overnight travel/hosting.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:33
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Don't stay there until.baby sleeps for the night. If there is an option for a hotel room locally, do that instead
Obviously MIL can't stand any noise at her age and is set.in her ways, even though she is not that old.
Obviously MIL can't stand any noise at her age and is set.in her ways, even though she is not that old.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:33
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:My mother always woke up and prowled around when we were similarly situated, but she WANTED TO, and never gave us grief for it. What exactly is yours pissed about? The wake-ups or that you seemed annoyed at her presence?
Also my parents never close their door at night or want a white noise machine. They’re very rigid and set in their ways.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:32
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:We drove 5+ hours to visit ILs with our 4mo baby over Thanksgiving. We stayed in a back bedroom and were as quiet as possible, but of course baby cried a bit at night, especially in a new environment.
EVERY single night, MIL would get up and prowl around and full-voiced ask questions and "check in" when we told her all was under control and to go back to bed. Our routine is that DH changes the diaper while I go to the restroom, and then I breastfeed while DH goes to the restroom and goes back to sleep, then I put the baby down and go back to sleep. The most the crying ever lasted was four minutes. And baby only woke once each night.
ILs sleep with their door open and refused to close it, and also refused my offer of a white noise machine that I brought along, as I could also just use the app on my phone.
Both before the visit and after the first night, we explained our routine and that the crying would only last for a few minutes during the diaper change. Each night, MIL would be walking down the hall toward our bedroom as I went to the bathroom, and I would whisper to her all is well, go back to bed, we've got this.
Finally, on the last night, I had had more than enough of MIL prowling around, speaking loudly and just generally being a nuisance. So when I was walking down the hall, as she loudly asked "What's wrong? What's going on?" I simply brushed past her, said nothing, went to the bathroom, and ignored her again on my way back to the bedroom.
She is now pissed at me, and I'm just as pissed at her. DH is sticking up for me, saying "Mom, we kept telling you it was fine, we asked that you close your door and even offered you a white noise machine." He then added (without asking me) that we won't be visiting again until baby is solidly STTN, that they can visit us if they want because they'll be in our finished basement guest suite and won't hear us upstairs if there is noise in the night.
WWYD?
I think you made a big deal over nothing. MIL was most likely excited to have the new baby in the house and wanted to make sure you had help. Just say you are sleep deprived and apologize if you were rude last night. Pick your battles.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:32
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
My mother always woke up and prowled around when we were similarly situated, but she WANTED TO, and never gave us grief for it. What exactly is yours pissed about? The wake-ups or that you seemed annoyed at her presence?
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:30
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Does she have declining mental capacity?
She is in her mid-60s and is in perfect health.
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:29
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
Does she have declining mental capacity?
Anonymous
12/08/2021 11:23
Subject: MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?
We drove 5+ hours to visit ILs with our 4mo baby over Thanksgiving. We stayed in a back bedroom and were as quiet as possible, but of course baby cried a bit at night, especially in a new environment.
EVERY single night, MIL would get up and prowl around and full-voiced ask questions and "check in" when we told her all was under control and to go back to bed. Our routine is that DH changes the diaper while I go to the restroom, and then I breastfeed while DH goes to the restroom and goes back to sleep, then I put the baby down and go back to sleep. The most the crying ever lasted was four minutes. And baby only woke once each night.
ILs sleep with their door open and refused to close it, and also refused my offer of a white noise machine that I brought along, as I could also just use the app on my phone.
Both before the visit and after the first night, we explained our routine and that the crying would only last for a few minutes during the diaper change. Each night, MIL would be walking down the hall toward our bedroom as I went to the bathroom, and I would whisper to her all is well, go back to bed, we've got this.
Finally, on the last night, I had had more than enough of MIL prowling around, speaking loudly and just generally being a nuisance. So when I was walking down the hall, as she loudly asked "What's wrong? What's going on?" I simply brushed past her, said nothing, went to the bathroom, and ignored her again on my way back to the bedroom.
She is now pissed at me, and I'm just as pissed at her. DH is sticking up for me, saying "Mom, we kept telling you it was fine, we asked that you close your door and even offered you a white noise machine." He then added (without asking me) that we won't be visiting again until baby is solidly STTN, that they can visit us if they want because they'll be in our finished basement guest suite and won't hear us upstairs if there is noise in the night.
WWYD?
EVERY single night, MIL would get up and prowl around and full-voiced ask questions and "check in" when we told her all was under control and to go back to bed. Our routine is that DH changes the diaper while I go to the restroom, and then I breastfeed while DH goes to the restroom and goes back to sleep, then I put the baby down and go back to sleep. The most the crying ever lasted was four minutes. And baby only woke once each night.
ILs sleep with their door open and refused to close it, and also refused my offer of a white noise machine that I brought along, as I could also just use the app on my phone.
Both before the visit and after the first night, we explained our routine and that the crying would only last for a few minutes during the diaper change. Each night, MIL would be walking down the hall toward our bedroom as I went to the bathroom, and I would whisper to her all is well, go back to bed, we've got this.
Finally, on the last night, I had had more than enough of MIL prowling around, speaking loudly and just generally being a nuisance. So when I was walking down the hall, as she loudly asked "What's wrong? What's going on?" I simply brushed past her, said nothing, went to the bathroom, and ignored her again on my way back to the bedroom.
She is now pissed at me, and I'm just as pissed at her. DH is sticking up for me, saying "Mom, we kept telling you it was fine, we asked that you close your door and even offered you a white noise machine." He then added (without asking me) that we won't be visiting again until baby is solidly STTN, that they can visit us if they want because they'll be in our finished basement guest suite and won't hear us upstairs if there is noise in the night.
WWYD?