This is our situation currently and it works great.

I think her choice of the word "refuses" is needlessly harsh, but I totally appreciate the value of separate choices. I went for several years apart from my spouse for a month at a time. I wanted to live some of the Winter near my elderly Mother, to help out. It was time apart we would manage.

I think once your own children are grown, it's time to make sure you're living the life you wish to live. And that doesn't always look exactly the same, 100% of the time.

I'd absolutely have a second home, even if a studio apartment, to get away a few days here and there if I could. I work from home, and DH goes to the office 3 days a week. He's retiring at the end of the year, and I'm already saying, only 8 more days of having the house to myself. Ha! (we also get along great, but I'm definitely one who needs alone time to rejuvenate).

This may be my future. I don't really want a divorce but my husband and I are in kind of a rough spot and I think want different things for retirement. I can't spend the summer where it's ungodly hot.

That sounds like a great compromise! My parents have really struggled with being together 24/7 and they like each other. It's been too much in retirement. They have 2 homes (one where I grew up and one where I live now) and my dad has started to stay behind in my city while my mom goes to the other house. It works better that way and my dad likes being near my kids.

I know many people that do this. My MIL lives in an over 55 community.

Many have a FLA home H stays at but W want to be near grandchildren do they are apart multiple months a year.

I think my husband will want to retire in Florida. I can see myself visiting in the winter, but there is no way I am moving there.

A semi-retired doctor bought a place in New York, where she delivers babies, while her husband stays in Maine.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/12/02/realestate/02hunt-holt.html

“We have a family place in Maine, and my husband refuses to budge from Maine,” Dr. Holt said. “I don’t have any interest in wintering in Maine.” She heads there for summers and holidays. (Mr. Holt is glad for her to be close to the children and grandchildren, but dislikes traveling.)

I would love this. I love my husband, but I only need so much togetherness.