Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? Why are you making them decide? Just decide without asking and tell them that’s what you’re doing or where you’re going.

This reminds me of how my sister used to ask her three or four year old, “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I remember my niece pointing to a bottle of syrup in the refrigerator. My sister looked at me with an exasperated expression like can you believe she wants her for dinner? I wanted to be like, don’t ask your three-year-old what she wants for dinner. Just give it to her.

OP here. That's not what I ask them. It's not that broad. Instead of “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I ask- Would you like broccoli or green beans?

Don't ask that. Ask "Would you like to set the table or feed the dog her dinner?" You're giving too many choices. If they complain about broccoli and say they wished it was green beans say "Yeah, maybe it'll be green beans tomorrow. But for tonight, it's broccoli."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? Why are you making them decide? Just decide without asking and tell them that’s what you’re doing or where you’re going.

This reminds me of how my sister used to ask her three or four year old, “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I remember my niece pointing to a bottle of syrup in the refrigerator. My sister looked at me with an exasperated expression like can you believe she wants her for dinner? I wanted to be like, don’t ask your three-year-old what she wants for dinner. Just give it to her.

OP here. That's not what I ask them. It's not that broad. Instead of “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I ask- Would you like broccoli or green beans?

Just serve dinner. It's still a question. Which means it's still something that allows them to pick the opposite and pout when they don't get what they want.

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? Why are you making them decide? Just decide without asking and tell them that’s what you’re doing or where you’re going.

This reminds me of how my sister used to ask her three or four year old, “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I remember my niece pointing to a bottle of syrup in the refrigerator. My sister looked at me with an exasperated expression like can you believe she wants her for dinner? I wanted to be like, don’t ask your three-year-old what she wants for dinner. Just give it to her.

OP here. That's not what I ask them. It's not that broad. Instead of “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I ask- Would you like broccoli or green beans?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what is a time in?

OP here. I remove the child from the situation. We go to another room and talk about it. It actually works a lot better than a time out. I read this in some parenting book. It does work better than anything else.

I also give a lot of choices because I was having massive tantrums (mostly from DS) when he didn't get choices. He was a late talker and was so upset that he couldn't say what he wanted, so that's what we started doing. Normally I give two acceptable choices- blue or green cup? Ice or no ice? Even now, when I don't give choices he is pretty grumpy about it. "I didn't want the yellow cup!" and then he won't get anything else to drink during dinner (I am not getting a new one after I've sat down) and then it spirals from there.

This is why all our cups are the same color.

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? Why are you making them decide? Just decide without asking and tell them that’s what you’re doing or where you’re going.

This reminds me of how my sister used to ask her three or four year old, “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I remember my niece pointing to a bottle of syrup in the refrigerator. My sister looked at me with an exasperated expression like can you believe she wants her for dinner? I wanted to be like, don’t ask your three-year-old what she wants for dinner. Just give it to her.

Yes, this is the solution to the playground issue.

Re: the rest of it, I think some of it is normal. Sibling Rivalry is a great book though, and definitely worth a read.

My kids fight all the time too. I just separate them mostly and make them play by themselves in their rooms when they fight.

Anonymous wrote:what is a time in?

OP here. I remove the child from the situation. We go to another room and talk about it. It actually works a lot better than a time out. I read this in some parenting book. It does work better than anything else.

I also give a lot of choices because I was having massive tantrums (mostly from DS) when he didn't get choices. He was a late talker and was so upset that he couldn't say what he wanted, so that's what we started doing. Normally I give two acceptable choices- blue or green cup? Ice or no ice? Even now, when I don't give choices he is pretty grumpy about it. "I didn't want the yellow cup!" and then he won't get anything else to drink during dinner (I am not getting a new one after I've sat down) and then it spirals from there.

It’s good to seek advice and try to incorporate it, but don’t assume you’re doing something wrong. Some kids will just fight no matter what.

I will say that you should be sure each kid is getting individual attention. It will set you up for a good king-term relationship and give you the peace of mind that you really aren’t playing favorites.

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? Why are you making them decide? Just decide without asking and tell them that’s what you’re doing or where you’re going.

This reminds me of how my sister used to ask her three or four year old, “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I remember my niece pointing to a bottle of syrup in the refrigerator. My sister looked at me with an exasperated expression like can you believe she wants her for dinner? I wanted to be like, don’t ask your three-year-old what she wants for dinner. Just give it to her.

+1

what is a time in?

What the heck? Why are you making them decide? Just decide without asking and tell them that’s what you’re doing or where you’re going.

This reminds me of how my sister used to ask her three or four year old, “what do you want to eat for dinner?” I remember my niece pointing to a bottle of syrup in the refrigerator. My sister looked at me with an exasperated expression like can you believe she wants her for dinner? I wanted to be like, don’t ask your three-year-old what she wants for dinner. Just give it to her.

Stop giving so many choices. Instead of which playground do you want to go to, say "We're going to Golden Gate Park - what are you looking forward to doing first when we get there?"

When my oldest two were fighting a lot, I gave them each a dirty toothbrush, shoved them into the downstairs bathroom and told them they couldn't come out until they both agreed the floor was clean. They wound up giggling. I used that bathroom floor thing for over a year and then their fighting phase passed.

I read Sibljngs without rivalry a while back and thought it was great. You’re not necessarily doing anything wrong by the way. But impossible to diagnose without knowing the full picture. You can try pep classes or something.

We aren't in your home seeing the dynamic so its impossible to say.

My kids are 3.5 and 5.5 and they fight nonstop. For instance I ask what playground we should go to. They both immediately think of what playground the other hates the most, and they’ll pick that one. Which causes both of them to tantrum and whine. (Playground is just an example. Everything is like this!!) they’re both convinced I play favorites. I try to switch off who gets to choose, but that goes horribly too. The one who doesn’t like the activity is exceptionally grumpy and makes it miserable.

I’ve always done 123 magic, lots of talking about what we’re doing beforehand. And my younger kid likes options before they feel comfortable. I do “time ins” where I take them aside and discuss the grumpiness. But nothing is working.

Recently I’ve taken a hard core stance- fine no playground at all since you couldn’t agree. But then they just make my life miserable and I feel punished because the playground would have let out energy and given me a break.

Heeelllppp. What am I doing wrong?