I’m 50yrs old, married for 15yrs. We were about 5-10yrs behind our friends in terms of marrying. Nobody has divorced yet and no knowledge of cheating although I’m sure it’s happening somewhere. We are pretty insulated so we don’t get that kind of gossip.

Anonymous wrote:They all have mental heath isdues

Good friend - bipolar
BIL. - PTSD
roommate from college - serious daddy issues
Coworker - sex molested by brother
Neighbor - alcoholic
H’s coworker - on the job he shot somebody started drinking and had affair

I could go on and on

He shot somebody? Wtf? Is he a police officer or in a line of work that is possible?

Anonymous wrote:The obvious answer here is that you do not know most of the time who is having an affair, so no, you only know about who got caught.

People know. The spouse might not but most people are terrible at hiding it.

Anonymous wrote:The obvious answer here is that you do not know most of the time who is having an affair, so no, you only know about who got caught.

That is indeed the takeaway, as sad as it is.

Wow. Married over 20 years and while I know a few couples who have divorced in that time (mostly when kids hit MS), I have no idea if any of them were due to infidelity. In other worlds, within my closest circles of friends, there has been no cheating partners/infidelity/divorce.

The common theme for me from what I have seen is they are attractive and women flock to them. For women, they are unhappy in their marriage

Damn sounds like the common theme among your friends is they don’t know how birth control works. Maybe give them some condoms?

They all have mental heath isdues

Good friend - bipolar
BIL. - PTSD
roommate from college - serious daddy issues
Coworker - sex molested by brother
Neighbor - alcoholic
H’s coworker - on the job he shot somebody started drinking and had affair

I could go on and on

There are no common themes. Three people I know who cheated all ended up married to their AP in way more successful marriages than their first. All of these marriages are going on 12 years plus now. (Two are 20+ years)

Yes, the common theme is infidelity.

The obvious answer here is that you do not know most of the time who is having an affair, so no, you only know about who got caught.

Only couple I know he was serially unfaithful with little flings and she kicked him out for six months then took him back he paid off her school loans and the mortgage and now they are supposedly a-ok and planning a future together.

I’ve seen plenty of cheating situations that have none of the qualities you mentioned.

In all the cases I’ve seen, there were undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues.

Common theme here is how incredibly screwed the APs are. Can you imagine being the solo parent of two kids by an AP who leaves you? Nothing worse foe the kids than to see their only parent in that position.

I know of 4 couples where one spouse has cheated on the other.
Couple A husband cheated on wife for years, they got divorced, he had 2 outside kids, they eventually remarried and stayed together to his death he continued cheating until he got too sick.

Couple B husband cheated on his wife of a few years he also had an outside baby on her, they divorced, he came back to his ex-wife, got her pregnant again then left for good. Wife was single for years nos dating her kids out of the house.


Couple C Wife cheated on husband, wasn't sure if 3rd child was husband's or AP's., it was husband, she and husband divorced, both are now in different relationships, wife is not with AP.


Couple D unfolding situation but husband cheating on wife has 2 outside kids, these kids were conceived in the same year as his wife and only months apart in age, situation is still developing don't know if they will stay together or not


In every single case the couples married young ( under 30) and had pretty much only dated each other from late teens/early 20s. Also, the cheaters were all considered family people, community leader types and/or very religious.
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