Anonymous wrote:My kids behave better when they think I am not there. The refereeing is about having you pick which kid you love more (in their heads), so if you aren’t there, there is nothing to be jealous about.

Would it be unfair to just tell them you’ll take the toy so neither gets it?

When you’re at the end of your rope with the quarreling, try to incorporate activities that will appeal to both of them. Sensory activities are always popular, as is anything physical or silly: homemade obstacle course, dance party, singing silly songs, acting out different animals, water table (when it’s warm outside), extended bath time with toys. Get those soft, puffy toy snowballs and let the kids throw them all over the place.

You’re in the slog. Just know that it does get better.

My kids behave better when they think I am not there. The refereeing is about having you pick which kid you love more (in their heads), so if you aren’t there, there is nothing to be jealous about.

Anonymous wrote:Another thing is to try not viewing the refereeing as a bad thing. Try viewing it as teaching them how to get along and play well together. Which is extra challenging with a one year old involved! Exhausting work now for better days ahead.

Sometimes visible zones work. Something like them both having their own play mats on the floor. Teach them not to enter the other persons space/mat or take toys from the rug. Often it is easier to have the 3 year old up at a table and out of reach for the one year old.

OP here. Thank you! Reframing refereeing is great advice!

My 3 yr old does play with some things on the table and those minutes are blissful! But zones don’t work as both kids want to be where I am and I can’t leave the kids alone for more than a few minutes.

Anonymous wrote:Take your kids out of the house individually

And leave the other one home alone?!!

Anonymous wrote:Those ages are really hard, OP. It does get easier.

This! Mine are 2.5 years apart, and now age 7 and nearly 5 - infinitely easier. The toddler years are very tough (but cute!).

Sorry to hear this OP. I just came to basically make the same thread, only my kids are 4 and 1. The 4 year old is terrible towards his brother, and the 1 year old is the worst sleeper in the world. Im tired and out of patience.

Another thing is to try not viewing the refereeing as a bad thing. Try viewing it as teaching them how to get along and play well together. Which is extra challenging with a one year old involved! Exhausting work now for better days ahead.

Sometimes visible zones work. Something like them both having their own play mats on the floor. Teach them not to enter the other persons space/mat or take toys from the rug. Often it is easier to have the 3 year old up at a table and out of reach for the one year old.

I’ve been there. It’s hard. Now my kids are 2.5 and almost 5 and they play so well together and have so much fun. You’ll get there.

2 kids (and two years apart) was horrible for years. It got much better and now they are great!

You read with the 3 year old and the one year old can be off exploring in the same room until they become more interested in stories.

Can still do art with the 3 year old. Keep trying with the one year old, but once the crayons are tossed they are removed from the activity.

It will get better. At one they can change a great deal in 4-6 weeks.

Take your kids out of the house individually

Those ages are really hard, OP. It does get easier.

I feel like all I do with my 3 yr old and 1 yr old at home is referee fights over toys and try to stop my 3 yr old from pulling toys from my hand or 1 yr old’s hand. My 1 yr old won’t let me read a book to my 3 yr old (of course I try to read to both but she’s not interested). I’ve stopped doing art or coloring because the 1 yr old likes to throw crayons.

My 3 yr old is in five hour a day preschool and I’d love to do something fun with him between school and dinner (when I have DH’s help and we divide and conquer dinner, bath, books, cuddles) but all I end up doing is refereeing.

Any suggestions?