Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

This is OP. I hear ya but one big issue is that my DD thinks it’s a good essay. When I am baffled by how she could think something she wrote so quickly could be good enough, I realize her high school has not served her well in terms of writing quality. Not to take the blame off of her but she has always been a responsible, good student but I’m now questioning the rigor of her classes.

Cajoling and bribing go against every fiber of my being but I think the stakes may be worth it. (Though I don’t know what to bribe her with.) I’ve already tried to persuade her by emphasizing how if she only gets into one or two of her last choice schools she will wish she worked harder on this essay. Her response was, “There’s nothing wrong with it.” I hate to be harsh but it reads like it was dashed off by a middle schooler — though at least it’s not offensive and the grammar is correct.

Good writing is so time consuming and hard. She must read it as off she is a stranger seeing it for first time. With mine we try 2 different ways to say what she is trying to say and choose the better one. And so on and so on. Is it better with a new pargraph here or no? This word or this word. Is every sentence the same structure? Is it easy or hard to follow? Is it redundant? Uggg. It is a painful process even for adults.

My kid is also burnt out. Had one more safety/target on his list, but the thought of 2 more essays was his limit. He chose not to submit. We fully support his choice. Enough is enough.

Also, what's the point of the "optional essay?" Just call it what it is, an essay you have to write. It is so silly of these schools to play these games.

I feel for all these kids. There is a point where it is all too much.

Parent of a first year college student here.

Last year at this time, my kid was so burned out; by the time she was on her last college application, her essay was pretty weak. She also thought it was good, but IMO she had missed the point of the question.

We went round and round but she was "done," psychologically. It was a safety school for her, but due to the uncertainty of how covid was affecting admissions, I was really nervous.

I ended up negotiating with her to allow me to edit it. And I sent it in.

I'm sick of sanctimonious parents going on about how our kids should do it all themselves, as if this is some life lesson. Maybe their kid is amazing, and/or maybe their kid is applying to ONE college (like, CA students applying only to the UC system).

But IMO the "usual" college application process is in a nuclear-arms-race and our kids are caught in the middle. It's complete BS to think that all kids can do this *well* all on their own while dealing with a full courseload. The lesson should not be "do it all yourselves, even though the "game" is BS." The lesson should be, "do your best and find help if you need it"

Anonymous wrote:Oh for Peet’s sake. Do what every other DCUM parent does but doesn’t have the guts to admit. Help the kid with the essay, edit it, and send it in for her.

I don’t get this. I see how parents could decide to fix grammar or improve the structure but I don’t see how parents can really improve the actual content and answer these personal prompts.

Oh for Peet’s sake. Do what every other DCUM parent does but doesn’t have the guts to admit. Help the kid with the essay, edit it, and send it in for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

This is OP. I hear ya but one big issue is that my DD thinks it’s a good essay. When I am baffled by how she could think something she wrote so quickly could be good enough, I realize her high school has not served her well in terms of writing quality. Not to take the blame off of her but she has always been a responsible, good student but I’m now questioning the rigor of her classes.

Cajoling and bribing go against every fiber of my being but I think the stakes may be worth it. (Though I don’t know what to bribe her with.) I’ve already tried to persuade her by emphasizing how if she only gets into one or two of her last choice schools she will wish she worked harder on this essay. Her response was, “There’s nothing wrong with it.” I hate to be harsh but it reads like it was dashed off by a middle schooler — though at least it’s not offensive and the grammar is correct.

Oh mine too. They seemed so…juvenile. Revise it and submit.

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

This is OP. I hear ya but one big issue is that my DD thinks it’s a good essay. When I am baffled by how she could think something she wrote so quickly could be good enough, I realize her high school has not served her well in terms of writing quality. Not to take the blame off of her but she has always been a responsible, good student but I’m now questioning the rigor of her classes.

Cajoling and bribing go against every fiber of my being but I think the stakes may be worth it. (Though I don’t know what to bribe her with.) I’ve already tried to persuade her by emphasizing how if she only gets into one or two of her last choice schools she will wish she worked harder on this essay. Her response was, “There’s nothing wrong with it.” I hate to be harsh but it reads like it was dashed off by a middle schooler — though at least it’s not offensive and the grammar is correct.

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

Eh. I understand your point however my kids ended writing 30 PAGES worth of essays and short answers between the applications and honors college applications. I would also need to bargain with myself to get that accomplished. It doesn’t mean I suck or am generally irresponsible.

I hope if you’re making these comments you have recently done the college process with your kids. If youre the parent of littles or commenting based on the process years ago, you really can’t understand.

Revise it and don’t give it a second thought. Everyone else is doing this.

Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

Anonymous wrote:I know this depends on so many factors but I need to vent! My DD has one last application that's due by Wednesday. It's one of the only match schools she has found that she would actually like but she is unwilling to put any effort into their "optional" essay. This school cares A LOT about their optional prompts and basically said at the virtual info session that writing one is not really a choice but.... my DD dashed it off so quickly and it is terrible. Her main common app essay is fine and her stats are good for this school (and she will interview) so maybe sending in an essay that shows zero effort is worse than sending none at all. ???

I just don't see being able to get her to improve it by Wednesday. (And yes, i know she should take responsibility, have accountability, take ownership of the process, blah, blah, blah...)

I would go through the painful process of bribes, threats, etc. To get a decent piece of writing to submit. The stakes are just too high to use this a way to teach a lesson.

OP, I feel your pain! I used a carrot with my DS. Told him I’d do his chores for the next week if he spent 30 min on his essay. Do I need to bargain with my child like a toddler? Apparently I do.

Well, I might ask her if she wants it as an potential option. If she says yes, then remind her what they said at the Information session.

And that is all you can do.

Can she clean up what she wrote? It doesn't have to be Pulitzer Prize worthy but as long as it has a point and no grammar mistakes she should submit it.

I know this depends on so many factors but I need to vent! My DD has one last application that's due by Wednesday. It's one of the only match schools she has found that she would actually like but she is unwilling to put any effort into their "optional" essay. This school cares A LOT about their optional prompts and basically said at the virtual info session that writing one is not really a choice but.... my DD dashed it off so quickly and it is terrible. Her main common app essay is fine and her stats are good for this school (and she will interview) so maybe sending in an essay that shows zero effort is worse than sending none at all. ???

I just don't see being able to get her to improve it by Wednesday. (And yes, i know she should take responsibility, have accountability, take ownership of the process, blah, blah, blah...)