OP, don't feel bad. Among my friends, I am the last man standing teaching my kids our home language. It’s super hard, takes tons of time, and requires support from other adults (which I don’t get from my husband). The time is finite, pick your battles. If you’d instead work on their English language delays - so be it. They will probably forget your home language anyways if they don’t have any exposure to it layer on life.

My kids are trilingual because DH and I always spoke our own language to the kids since they were born. I don’t know if the kids would be ok learning it now that are in elementary school.

My kids only learned English when they started school at 3 (and even then it was only 3 hours per day). They were a little behind their peers until K or so, but my 8 year old now reads better than all her English only classmates and my 6 year old is on her way to do the same.

DH and I speak English with each other, but never to the kids.

You should start only allowing movies in your own language and start speaking with them ONLY your own language… perhaps get a nanny or an aupair that only speaks your language?

Otherwise, I would relax and realize that this is not such a big deal… focus on sports or music perhaps

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and your spouse speak the same (non English) language?

Op here. This is one big issue here as well. DH, American born, can speak some of that non-English language in simple conservation, but he cannot read or write. I am a foreigner, but I don’t speak that non-English language at my home county. That is the third language that I have learned from my home country, which I can write 100%, read 100% but I am not strong on speaking part ( maybe 30%- 40%). That’s why I have no confidence in teaching my American born children here because sometimes people do not understand me when I talk in that language. I dislike online zoom learning platform because my kids are not doing well at online, but during covid, it is the only way that I can find as of now if I want to do it.


I gave up on teaching my “real” home language which I master because there’s no support from DH ( He does not understand a word), and no support from resources ( no school that I can find in person or virtual ) . It is an uncommon and more difficult language to learn. I have tried but it is really difficult when there’s no support.

This really does make it hard. I'm bilingual (German/English) and it's just not convenient to speak German around my DH who doesn't understand it. However, because of this, I've made it a "Mommy-daughter time" language and tend to speak it most frequently when my daughter is alone with me. Of course this means that playground parents think I'm an au pair lol

Its reqlly really hard. We do one parent one language. And its on me to do it since DH is the american one. I slip into english and now that oldest has started school she wants to talk in english. We did all cartoons and screen time in home language until just a bit ago and the toddler still only has non english screen time. Lots of books and games in it and foods and holidays. You can start small and create a specific tradition that you only use the home language for. For a long time that and weekend school was our only extracurricular activity and will remain the major one for a long time. So my kids wont be doing saturday tournaments etc.

I speak to children out home language, so it was their first language. We also go back home for the summers so they pick it up there more. And this is where the interest is also coming from - so that they can interact and play with kids there.

They also go to in person classes, but that’s just so they know the basics. Last year it was online, but now they are back to f2f classes. Most kids attending have 1 or 2 parents from the home country, some speak it at home and so do not or very limited. I push them to go to the language school, similar to going to regular school. If they had an option, they’d choose not to. It’s not a “fun” extracurricular like soccer or basketball.

It’s not a must op, we all balance priorities and make hard choices. Don’t do it, just because you see your friends do it. If you think it’s useful and beneficial for your children, then go ahead.

Make more effort, OP. You think this is easy for any of us?

My oldest had a global developmental delay and had therapies multiple times a week in English when he was little. I still taught him our native language. He has learning disabilities, an IEP at school, and is taking advanced classes in high school now. He and I have had to work really hard to get him there.

You must speak and read to your kids in both languages. Programs on TV, radio, tablets can be in both languages (or multiple). You can have short sessions during the day when you actively "teach". And then the rest of the time you let the conversation flow more organically, and correct every now and then (but not too much so they get frustrated). Also sign them up for weekend classes. Our weekend school has been back in person since September, and have all my friends' weekend school (French , German, Japanese, Argentine, etc).

You will find that the younger kids push back against learning other languages, because they don't get the benefits. These are the hardest years when you have to be very consistent. Then when they hit middle school and see their classmates struggle to learn their first foreign language, they get it! And a few years later they understand being multilingual makes for a better college application, and they're totally on board.

My DH hasn’t taught out kids is home language. At all. They know zero words. He doesn’t seem to think it beneficial.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It will probably be hard to switch totally at this point - but it is possible. That would be the one parent - one language method. But maybe you could just teach them a little bit using the time and place method. Is there a time with them that it feels really natural to speak your language? Maybe cooking or some other fun activity. So you could always speak the language during that time. Don’t think of it as teaching just talk to them about what you will
Be doing and why you would like them to learn. You could also always read to them in your language and if possible start having them watch a show. Check out bilingüitos podcast - lots of good advice.

My dd has been using DuoLingo to learn a new language. My sister speaks it a bit and will practice with her. I would try something like that to give them a bit of a foundation, and you can practice what they learn on there with them. I wouldn’t stress about formal instruction on it. Use something like the app to give them exposure. If they want to study it more seriously later on they can.

Think about how kids learn English. You don’t sit down at age 2 and break it down to the individual parts of speech. You talk to them as if they already understand. Can you start by asking questions in your home language then immediately saying it in English? My mom did that with me as a kid and I picked it up easily, then started language classes around age 8.

My kids also didn’t learn my language and I feel terrible about it, but just didn’t have it in me to teach them.

We all have ideas about what we "should" be teaching our children, but then life takes over and you can't do it all. Just focus on creating well rounded good human beings. Another language early on is fantastic (even for kids with speech delays) but if it doesn't work for you in your family, it's ok. Just talk it them and love them.

Anonymous wrote:Do you and your spouse speak the same (non English) language?

Op here. This is one big issue here as well. DH, American born, can speak some of that non-English language in simple conservation, but he cannot read or write. I am a foreigner, but I don’t speak that non-English language at my home county. That is the third language that I have learned from my home country, which I can write 100%, read 100% but I am not strong on speaking part ( maybe 30%- 40%). That’s why I have no confidence in teaching my American born children here because sometimes people do not understand me when I talk in that language. I dislike online zoom learning platform because my kids are not doing well at online, but during covid, it is the only way that I can find as of now if I want to do it.


I gave up on teaching my “real” home language which I master because there’s no support from DH ( He does not understand a word), and no support from resources ( no school that I can find in person or virtual ) . It is an uncommon and more difficult language to learn. I have tried but it is really difficult when there’s no support.

Do you and your spouse speak the same (non English) language?

All of my friends have their children learning home language, and I feel terrible my children (3 and 6) only speaks and understands English.

I am trilingual and DH is bilingual. I can speak, write and understand my home language but I don’t know how to teach. Due to covid, all nearby learning school platforms are doing virtual, and not in person. I wish they can run in person, so I can enroll my kids immediately. Both of my children have mild speech disorder that doing weekly speech therapies, in English. That is my biggest reason why home language has not been introduced with full force by me when they were young. I don’t have confidence to teach to my American born children here. Many of my friends pay someone online to do virtual learning, should I copy them? But their children can speak and understand some before they started lessons, and my children are at ground zero level. My kid show zero interests as of now.

How does your children learn home language here, through parents, classes (virtual or physical), at will or by force?