I lost a parent last year - they were diagnosed with terminal metastatic cancer a week before Halloween and died a week before Christmas. I didn’t think it would affect how I feel about this time of year, well I was wrong. It’s like a second round of grief coming up. I’m faking it for the kids. Does it get better?

My father died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 weeks ago and I am still in a huge fog. I adores my father and he was such a kind and decent person. My mother isn’t mentally well (before or now) and my siblings are total deadbeats so I haven’t had any time to really grieve.

I will probably cry the entire time. I miss him so much.

I’ve found my people . We’re just having our nuclear family this year. It’s what we usually do, actually. Dh’s parents are both nuts, and mine are gone. Next year is the year I outlive my mother. My mom died the week before Thanksgiving, many years ago. We still gathered as a family that year, but no one was in the mood for the traditional meal so we just had pasta. This year I’m recovering from cancer treatment, so we’ll let Wegman’s do the cooking. Hugs to everyone who’s feeling low this year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was our universe, and that came out especially at holidays where she would decorate, have gatherings, and cook the most amazing food. She LOVED to do it, too. I feel like we will be faking it our first holiday season without her.

First Xmas eve after my Mom died I definitely picked a fight with my now husband and passed out drunk on the couch near the tree. It wasn't pretty

Aww, hugs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was our universe, and that came out especially at holidays where she would decorate, have gatherings, and cook the most amazing food. She LOVED to do it, too. I feel like we will be faking it our first holiday season without her.

First Xmas eve after my Mom died I definitely picked a fight with my now husband and passed out drunk on the couch near the tree. It wasn't pretty

He stuck with you and married you! That’s a comfort. Grief is insane.

My brother died suddenly at 50 a few days before Thanksgiving. My mom died two days after Christmas three years later.

It definitely makes these holidays a lost less fun.

I do miss my parents the most at Christmas. It’s never been the same. If I could pick one day to go back in time, I would pick Christmas Eve when parents were alive and healthy and still in my childhood home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband died last year so Christmas is heartbreaking.

OP here. Damn PP. How are you doing? I am so sorry this is going to be so tough. We may need to hold you this entire time. What are your Thanksgiving plans to start?

+1. I’m so sorry! One of my best and oldest friends died on December 23rd last year. His wife is dreading the holidays. My heart breaks for both of you.

Anonymous wrote:My mom was our universe, and that came out especially at holidays where she would decorate, have gatherings, and cook the most amazing food. She LOVED to do it, too. I feel like we will be faking it our first holiday season without her.

First Xmas eve after my Mom died I definitely picked a fight with my now husband and passed out drunk on the couch near the tree. It wasn't pretty

Anonymous wrote:My husband died last year so Christmas is heartbreaking.

OP here. Damn PP. How are you doing? I am so sorry this is going to be so tough. We may need to hold you this entire time. What are your Thanksgiving plans to start?

My mom was our universe, and that came out especially at holidays where she would decorate, have gatherings, and cook the most amazing food. She LOVED to do it, too. I feel like we will be faking it our first holiday season without her.

Anonymous wrote:My husband died last year so Christmas is heartbreaking.

I am so sorry.

I used to have very small celebrations with just me, my mother and father, and they weren't into decorations or cooking or presents or having much fun at all. I am so happy now to celebrate somewhat larger with my husband and my children - our families are in Europe and Asia. I decorate a bit more (still looks spartan by American standards), buy more presents for each than I ever had (they probably get 10 times less stuff than their friends), and I do my best to cook a full Holiday meal. My husband remembers Holidays with his warring brothers and bipolar father who was liable to go off the deep end at the drop of a hat. In short, and despite the fact we loved/love our parents dearly, this is much nicer.

My husband died last year so Christmas is heartbreaking.

Come my fellow orphans and gather round.

Ugh I do hate this time of year. My parents weren't perfect -- well my Mom was. She died at 50 so pretty perfect in my mind. We all came home for every Thanksgiving and Christmas. She decked the house out and we just had the best time. We still would come home for Christmas with my Dad, but he has now been gone 6 years. I use their china for the holidays which is both wonderful and heartbreaking. Estate stuff ripped my siblings apart so we are all splintered but I am close with two of them though we don't generally get together for the holidays. My inlaws are far so we don't see them for the holidays and just hang with friends or by ourselves which can be nice.

This time of year always creeps up on me. I love it but hate it. So how are the rest of you doing? Any special traditions you carry on?