Anonymous wrote:If you just got divorced then doesn't that mean your son probably had a pretty sucky home life for a couple of years? Cut him some slack.

He is allowed to have his own interests and desires. Give him some options and input. If starts to feel listened to and respected he will be easier to get along with. He is growing up. He does need to be polite though, but don't set him up for failure.

Eh, we’ve been separated for almost 4 years, and his homebody tendencies started even earlier.

If you just got divorced then doesn't that mean your son probably had a pretty sucky home life for a couple of years? Cut him some slack.

He is allowed to have his own interests and desires. Give him some options and input. If starts to feel listened to and respected he will be easier to get along with. He is growing up. He does need to be polite though, but don't set him up for failure.

Op Here.
DS prefers screens to everything but I do make him put them away when he is home. But he would rather stay in and read (sometimes draw or play) than go out.
We walk to school (about a mile) and he has PE there - that’s his exercise for now (he used to do gym or dance or swimming but honestly I am tired of paying and listening to his whining and him doing a half a**ed job so we are taking a break).
He talks to friends at school and sometimes to another friend on weekends and it seems like it’s enough for him.

As to where I’d like to “drag” him: I would love for him to like an activity, any activity outside the house that is not videogames; and to see interesting stuff an enjoy it - museums, landmarks, amusement parks, anything! Just something outside the house really. I felt an obligation to do family outings with him - but I don’t want this anymore.
I want to go to the city for some Christmas spirit for example, and I would want him to come, but he probably won’t enjoy it much and will want to go home ASAP so I am very tempted to leave him home. However wouldn’t it be a sort of “abandonment”? For lack of a bette word. That’s what I am concerned about: not giving him enough exposure to the world.
As for the trips, yes he gets to choose activities but he would rather just stay at a hotel or Airbnb so anything involving going out is already a chore. He may enjoy it later but no guarantee and it’s 2-3 hrs max.

I have a homebody and he truly hates going out and doing things. At 11 I force one activity and leave him be other than that.

Anonymous wrote:What does he do while home? If it 100% screens, this is a problem.

If he reads, our builds things, or messes around on an instrument, or bakes, or paints, or writes, or shoots hoops, or plays with the dog, etc.I’d be less concerned especially if he gets out some and his homebody tendencies aren’t unaddressed anxiety.

+1

Yes, but sunlight and exercise are extremely important. Vitamin D supplement will be good too.

Anonymous wrote:As long as he is not on screens the entire time he is home it’s fine.

This is the key.

What does he do while home? If it 100% screens, this is a problem.

If he reads, our builds things, or messes around on an instrument, or bakes, or paints, or writes, or shoots hoops, or plays with the dog, etc.I’d be less concerned especially if he gets out some and his homebody tendencies aren’t unaddressed anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:So it’s clear by now that DS11 is a homebody and while he can enjoy an outing, especially with a friend, he gets tired/bored after a couple hours and he never wants to go (I tell him we are going and we go and he does or doesn’t have fun).
I have been dragging him places for years, with mixed success. I am glad we built memories but this year I am stressed because all the covid changes, job loss, finalizing divorce, etc. I don’t really want to take him anywhere.
We will be doing a couple of big trips a year but mostly because I need to take care of my parents and have nobody to leave him with (his dad is not up for the task). I will sneak in some sightseeing around these trips. Otherwise I think I will call it a day in terms of taking him to amusement parks, nature spots, or really anywhere.
I will sign him up for maybe 1 or 2 activities in January- May but that’s it.
Do you think it’s horrible or can I just let it go? He is welcome to go with friends when he is older, I will pay for it. But I don’t want to be disappointed again if I take him and he doesn’t even appreciate it.

What sort of places have you been "dragging" him to? What interests does he have? Maybe present him with several options and let him pick the activity. For example, with your upcoming trip, present him with what sightseeing options there are and see what he chooses or help him investigate the area's things to do and let him be part of the planning from the start.

Being a homebody and/or not liking to be in crowds and having interests and friends is very different than not want to be around people and just be alone with no interests or hobbies. My son was/is very much a homebody. He enjoys going out occasionally, but mostly has people over here ALL the time. Sometimes they stay for days and I have to tell my son to send them home. He has a few restaurants he likes to go to but prefers to either takeout food or getting groceries and cooking for a group. He would rather have 3 or 4 friends over to play video games than go to a party. After prom was out our house, homecoming was at our house, etc. He just feels more comfortable here and doesn't like crowds.

He’s 11. You don’t need to drag him out on a regular basis for nature walks, etc. My extroverted 11 yo DD also doesn’t want to do all that with the family. Your plan is good. Sign him up for a couple of activities where you can drop off. Any chance he would join a rec sport in the spring? It’s more about getting out a little and being around others. Off the top of my head, there are soccer, flag football, baseball or lacrosse. Rec soccer and flag football would probably be the least time intensive for both of you.

As long as he is not on screens the entire time he is home it’s fine.

I am okay with a homebody, but what is he doing with his time?

I have an 11 year old boy, and when he’s refusing to go places it’s because he would rather be home on screens. Screen addiction is very real and so we do force him to come with us even when he would prefer not to. Just yesterday his sibling had other plans so we proposed a hike with him and me and spouse. He pushed back hard for half an hour, but we made him go for a shorter hike (one hour) and the three of us had a lovely time. In my opinion it’s worth it to push a little to keep them from letting screens rule their brains. But also keep it reasonable so they don’t resent you for doing it too much

I have an introverted home body child, and there's really no point in forcing it.

So it’s clear by now that DS11 is a homebody and while he can enjoy an outing, especially with a friend, he gets tired/bored after a couple hours and he never wants to go (I tell him we are going and we go and he does or doesn’t have fun).
I have been dragging him places for years, with mixed success. I am glad we built memories but this year I am stressed because all the covid changes, job loss, finalizing divorce, etc. I don’t really want to take him anywhere.
We will be doing a couple of big trips a year but mostly because I need to take care of my parents and have nobody to leave him with (his dad is not up for the task). I will sneak in some sightseeing around these trips. Otherwise I think I will call it a day in terms of taking him to amusement parks, nature spots, or really anywhere.
I will sign him up for maybe 1 or 2 activities in January- May but that’s it.
Do you think it’s horrible or can I just let it go? He is welcome to go with friends when he is older, I will pay for it. But I don’t want to be disappointed again if I take him and he doesn’t even appreciate it.