Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^PP again with the aunt/uncle who did this. They did have everyone going in and out of the same entry to the kitchen, but it just worked. We also didn't eat until everyone was seated, though the people who got to the table earlier inevitably snuck bites (grace had already been said anyway) Yes, it took a little longer, but your passing dishes around the table situation probably takes a longer than you realize anyway. It's family, and I assume no one is going to push anyone out of the say, so it'll somehow just work out I suspect. It always did for us growing up with a very similar set up and number of people.

Well yes, it takes time to pass all the dishes, but you're socializing with people during the time that you're passing, and you can start eating before all the food is passed.

I'm not saying our way is better, just that since I haven't been in a buffet situation with a group and house this size, I can't picture how it works.

If it’s going to be so cramped or logistically difficult that people are stressed out about it, then you should just take the advice from the other thread re your relative. Recognize that she is being controlling, unreasonable, and ridiculous and that her insecurities are not your problem. This is a good opportunity for you to work on not placating difficult people who make inappropriate demands.

I think it's possible. Obviously if everyone else on DCUM does it, they can't all have giant kitchens with islands right? So it can work with a more normal space.

I just need more than a day to wrap my mind around it.

I do think that making a change to suit one part of the family's somewhat irrational need to feed their kids a certain way, at the expense of hosting grandparents' somewhat irrational need to pray with all their loved ones isn't the answer so we do need to factor that in too.

We've got time, this is about Christmas not Thanksgiving so I can mull things for a while.

I'm not particularly religious, but the grandparents' desire to say grace with their entire family seems much more reasonable and rational than the relative asking to limit the holiday spread to her children's palates. There's really not comparison here. One is completely normal and directly in accordance with the practice of most of the world's major religions...the other is just selfish and extremely unusual.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^PP again with the aunt/uncle who did this. They did have everyone going in and out of the same entry to the kitchen, but it just worked. We also didn't eat until everyone was seated, though the people who got to the table earlier inevitably snuck bites (grace had already been said anyway) Yes, it took a little longer, but your passing dishes around the table situation probably takes a longer than you realize anyway. It's family, and I assume no one is going to push anyone out of the say, so it'll somehow just work out I suspect. It always did for us growing up with a very similar set up and number of people.

Well yes, it takes time to pass all the dishes, but you're socializing with people during the time that you're passing, and you can start eating before all the food is passed.

I'm not saying our way is better, just that since I haven't been in a buffet situation with a group and house this size, I can't picture how it works.

If it’s going to be so cramped or logistically difficult that people are stressed out about it, then you should just take the advice from the other thread re your relative. Recognize that she is being controlling, unreasonable, and ridiculous and that her insecurities are not your problem. This is a good opportunity for you to work on not placating difficult people who make inappropriate demands.

I think it's possible. Obviously if everyone else on DCUM does it, they can't all have giant kitchens with islands right? So it can work with a more normal space.

I just need more than a day to wrap my mind around it.

I do think that making a change to suit one part of the family's somewhat irrational need to feed their kids a certain way, at the expense of hosting grandparents' somewhat irrational need to pray with all their loved ones isn't the answer so we do need to factor that in too.

We've got time, this is about Christmas not Thanksgiving so I can mull things for a while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^PP again with the aunt/uncle who did this. They did have everyone going in and out of the same entry to the kitchen, but it just worked. We also didn't eat until everyone was seated, though the people who got to the table earlier inevitably snuck bites (grace had already been said anyway) Yes, it took a little longer, but your passing dishes around the table situation probably takes a longer than you realize anyway. It's family, and I assume no one is going to push anyone out of the say, so it'll somehow just work out I suspect. It always did for us growing up with a very similar set up and number of people.

Well yes, it takes time to pass all the dishes, but you're socializing with people during the time that you're passing, and you can start eating before all the food is passed.

I'm not saying our way is better, just that since I haven't been in a buffet situation with a group and house this size, I can't picture how it works.

OP, several of us have given you suggestions. It's hard to imagine something you haven't experienced and have assumed wouldn't work, so if you want to do this then you will just need to take a leap of faith and try it out. There aren't really a lot more permutations than what's been described already. If you don't want to do this, don't do this and ignore your relative's insanity (because her ask is truly bonkers).

I would split the food up and have two mostly identical buffet areas in kitchen + nearby room where people can get food. Food placed, (short!) grace said, people go up in smallish groups and get up again as needed for seconds. Also people socialize at their seats while waiting their turn to get the food or have their food delivered to them if they are older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^PP again with the aunt/uncle who did this. They did have everyone going in and out of the same entry to the kitchen, but it just worked. We also didn't eat until everyone was seated, though the people who got to the table earlier inevitably snuck bites (grace had already been said anyway) Yes, it took a little longer, but your passing dishes around the table situation probably takes a longer than you realize anyway. It's family, and I assume no one is going to push anyone out of the say, so it'll somehow just work out I suspect. It always did for us growing up with a very similar set up and number of people.

Well yes, it takes time to pass all the dishes, but you're socializing with people during the time that you're passing, and you can start eating before all the food is passed.

I'm not saying our way is better, just that since I haven't been in a buffet situation with a group and house this size, I can't picture how it works.

If it’s going to be so cramped or logistically difficult that people are stressed out about it, then you should just take the advice from the other thread re your relative. Recognize that she is being controlling, unreasonable, and ridiculous and that her insecurities are not your problem. This is a good opportunity for you to work on not placating difficult people who make inappropriate demands.

Anonymous wrote:^PP again with the aunt/uncle who did this. They did have everyone going in and out of the same entry to the kitchen, but it just worked. We also didn't eat until everyone was seated, though the people who got to the table earlier inevitably snuck bites (grace had already been said anyway) Yes, it took a little longer, but your passing dishes around the table situation probably takes a longer than you realize anyway. It's family, and I assume no one is going to push anyone out of the say, so it'll somehow just work out I suspect. It always did for us growing up with a very similar set up and number of people.

Well yes, it takes time to pass all the dishes, but you're socializing with people during the time that you're passing, and you can start eating before all the food is passed.

I'm not saying our way is better, just that since I haven't been in a buffet situation with a group and house this size, I can't picture how it works.

Buffet gets set up. All get called for grace before the line up starts. The elderly get seated and food is brought to them. Then parents with young kids go through the buffet line and the rest follow.

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle hosted for years with a similar situation. The buffet was set up in the kitchen on their island. Extra quantities of the dishes were left to keep warm in the oven set low, since the serving dishes did need to be occasionally refilled. Grace was said with everyone in the kitchen before the buffet line started.

Since you have people with mobility issues, grace could be said in the dining room before people get up to serve themselves...and younger people could fix plates for those who are unable to navigate the kitchen.

If everyone fits in the kitchen and there's an island, I could totally see this working. The kitchen we have fits maybe 4 or 5 people, less if there's a wheelchair in there.

I think grace in the living room could work. I'll float that idea.

Agree with PP’s that grace should be said before the food distribution starts, and the mobility-impaired and small children are served plates and given permission to start eating while others hit the buffet line one smallish group at a time.

^PP again with the aunt/uncle who did this. They did have everyone going in and out of the same entry to the kitchen, but it just worked. We also didn't eat until everyone was seated, though the people who got to the table earlier inevitably snuck bites (grace had already been said anyway) Yes, it took a little longer, but your passing dishes around the table situation probably takes a longer than you realize anyway. It's family, and I assume no one is going to push anyone out of the say, so it'll somehow just work out I suspect. It always did for us growing up with a very similar set up and number of people.

All of our Thanksgivings have been buffet for the past 13 years. We say grace in the living room. Then people who are fixing a plate for someone else (small children or elderly) hit the line first. After they finish, the able-bodied adults and teens go next. Yes, people do get up and down if they want seconds. Whoever is hosting usually clears away empty side dishes before setting out desserts and then sits down to eat. It is not a perfect system, but it works. I’ve been the host three times.

My aunt and uncle hosted for years with a similar situation. The buffet was set up in the kitchen on their island. Extra quantities of the dishes were left to keep warm in the oven set low, since the serving dishes did need to be occasionally refilled. Grace was said with everyone in the kitchen before the buffet line started.

Since you have people with mobility issues, grace could be said in the dining room before people get up to serve themselves...and younger people could fix plates for those who are unable to navigate the kitchen.

OP here,

We aren't going to get past the grace thing on one of the holiest days of the year with some of our elderly family members. We just aren't.

I don't think we have enough counter space for that, and the logistics would mean the line going into and out of the kitchen would be through the same door. I just don't see how serving that many people off kitchen counters works in many houses.

With 25 people eating in what sounds like a average size house, I would let go of the everyone needs to be seating before eating thing.

Keep the food on the stove/in serving dishes in the kitchen, stove, kitchen counter. Have someone serve the mobility challenged and bring their plate to them (asking what they would like, of course). Everyone else, files in, fills their plate, goes to the table and eats. IMO 25 people is too many people to make a big deal about rules and saying grace. Just get everyone fed hot food. Do some toasts as you all eat

Hi,

This is the OP of the thread about my relative who thinks it's mean to serve foods that children don't like at Christmas. It occurred to me, thanks to people's responses, that perhaps part of the solution is to serve a buffet, rather than family style. Apparently that is very common, and we somehow missed the memo.

But I am having trouble picturing what a seated buffet for 20 - 25 people looks like in a regular house, with some of the people elderly, and using walkers. We have a kitchen, living room, dining room and family room. Dining room and family rooms are full of tables. There will definitely be no room in those rooms to set up a buffet because they're pretty tight. Do people set up a table in the living room for the food?

Also, timing, family is going to want to have everyone wait and say grace together. Ordinarily I'd say the elderly go through the buffet first, but then their plates will be cold. Or do we all say grace, and then maybe one table at a time goes, and then they start eating while the food is warm? How do people handle seconds? Are people constantly up and down?

I'm also not 100% sure we're doing an indoor meal this year, and if we decide to stay outside due to covid, then that will of course change things too. But we'll have everyone vaccinated except for one baby so we might go for it this year.