Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would make this DC’s issue and DC’s problem to address. One of the consequences of going this route is having to explain it to people. Not your responsibility

+100. Welcome to the real world. Actions have consequences.

What a nasty, punitive way to frame the matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would make this DC’s issue and DC’s problem to address. One of the consequences of going this route is having to explain it to people. Not your responsibility

+100. Welcome to the real world. Actions have consequences.

This is short-sighted at best, cruel at worst.

One of the "consequences" for trans children is the increased risk of suicide. If it was my child, I would do everything in my power to reduce that risk, including having conversations with extended family if my DC wanted me to. Those relatives might surprise you -- I know many families that have gone through this and the support from extended family has been extraordinary for many.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would make this DC’s issue and DC’s problem to address. One of the consequences of going this route is having to explain it to people. Not your responsibility

+100. Welcome to the real world. Actions have consequences.

This perspective and advice lacks understanding and empathy. What is "going this route" supposed to mean? A kid is who they are. An older teenager or young adult would be more expected to introduce themselves than say a 5 or 7 year old, but a loving parent helping their kid deal with not-so-open-minded extended family is perfectly appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:OP I would make this DC’s issue and DC’s problem to address. One of the consequences of going this route is having to explain it to people. Not your responsibility

+100. Welcome to the real world. Actions have consequences.

My teen and I had conversations together with all of the immediate family (grandparents/uncles and aunts/older cousins) and it actually went better than we expected, especially with one grandparent who blew us away with how ok they were with it. We didn't over explain anything, just told them that after a lot of work and the help from people way smarter about this than us, my child felt confident and ready to share this truth about themselves. Any push-back or questions or nonsense (and there was some nonsense) came to me later, directly and privately and not to my child, which was as it should be. I shared very little of that with my kid because they didn't need to hear it.

For everyone else in the world, my teen decided to use a milestone moment to take a great picture that left no doubt as to their gender and have me post it on social media with them tagged with their name. I simply posted it with a message celebrating the milestone, no differently than any other parent would in the same situation, and we let it all play out from there. People were AWESOME across the board, tons of congratulations on the reason for the post without any questions or comments on the obvious change in my child. Again, I got lots of private messages with questions, but as far my kid was concerned, it was exactly what they wanted it to be.

OP I would make this DC’s issue and DC’s problem to address. One of the consequences of going this route is having to explain it to people. Not your responsibility

What about a personalized t-shirt with DC’s new name across the front? And/or a name necklace, if that’s fitting?

You've really got to know your family.
My relatives are very conservative. I would NOT bring it up right before a visit. They wouldn't have time to process it, and might react in a "He'll always be Larlo to me! What do they teach at school these days? Society is perverting our kids! How can you enable this? You're a terrible parent!" kind of way. With relatives like this, I'd warn them in advance of any future meeting. If we see them once a year, then a year in advance, basically, and constantly refer to my child with their new names and pronouns, until some of it sticks. And then I'd fully expect that some would forget when they see my child, and others would still stubbornly refuse to change.

So... hopefully it goes better for your family.

Good family friends have a trans child, so I've learned a lot (we got to be friends after their child transitioned) but...

def. find other parents who've BTDT for advice. Children's hospital runs a support group, and I'm sure there are other forums.

If this were my niece/nephew/cousin/cousin's kid, I'd want to know in advance - maybe just a phone call - so I could know and help support and get used to the new chosen name, and... maybe even reach out to the kid to make sure they knew I had their back
[list]Think about offering up books/resources/pamphlets to family that has more questions. This is new to you too I imagine, and helping people help themselves is totally fair. Hopefully you've got more support than you realize!
[list]Maybe even leverage recently passed Trans Awareness Week as an excuse to bring it up if you need one...

Warmest wishes to you and your child.

My sister is gender neutral and also uses different pronouns. Sis just doesn’t bring it up with relative and it doesn’t come up. They’d correct them if it did or just gloss over it. (Grandma has dementia and she gets our names confused anyways)

I wouldn't. I rarely if ever see my extended family. If I were to see them, I'd let them know, matter of fact, in advance.

I also have racists and homophobes in my family so there you go.

OP, my sister sent out an email ahead of the holidays so everyone had some time to process and adjust without the child being stuck dealing with them. If you have family members you expect might prove difficult, I would follow up with a phone call to let the adults vent their feelings on you before they interact with your child again. My family is generally supportive although some of them slip up on pronouns occasionally and some of them didn't really understand at first. We deal with it by not making a big deal out of deadnaming/use of old pronouns; just those of us who find it easy using the preferred pronouns consistently. Best of luck to you and your kid! I hope the holiday season goes well for you guys.

Anonymous wrote:Any suggestions on how to share with extended family who may or may not embrace DC’s identity? We have some family members who we predict won’t understand or honor DC’s name/pronouns. How do you handle this at family gatherings? DH are protective of DC and won’t force family engagement with unsupportive relatives, but what do we say/do? I have no idea how to handle this.

A friend sent “It’s a boy!” announcements during the pandemic. The card had the new name and pronouns as well as a great photo of the child beaming with a new haircut and snazzy bow tie.

Does your DC want them to know? We had a conversation with DC (who granted is experimenting and still young) about who he wanted to be 'out' with and at this point he's still a she/prior name with extended family. Just wears gender neutral clothes and tunes out the name/pronouns in the roughly bi-annual visits. It might be different if we lived closer or he was more firmly set in his new gender identity.

Any suggestions on how to share with extended family who may or may not embrace DC’s identity? We have some family members who we predict won’t understand or honor DC’s name/pronouns. How do you handle this at family gatherings? DH are protective of DC and won’t force family engagement with unsupportive relatives, but what do we say/do? I have no idea how to handle this.