I have a 10 year age gap with my kids. They love each other, but agreed that they definitely aren't growing up together. My eldest was basically an only and now has a "toy." As the one approaches teenage years, I doubt there will be anything meaningful. Sad but true. But I didn't have another kid so there was a sibling. It was for myself and my husband.

I personally wouldn't want to become a parent at 45. I'd like to retire by 55.

At 45, DE is very common. The vast majority of women who get pregnant at that age are using DE. Not all, but certainly most.

The process for frozen de is pretty quick. I had my second at 45. No regrets but I would not want to be any older than that.

If you are in good health no reason why not. A clinic may ask for a Sign off from a maternal fetal medicine specialist as part of their protocol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say go for it. Had my first at 44 and looking now at our second at 48. And I am not the oldest parent I know by a long shot! I agree with others that as long as you're generally in good health, and especially if you have the money and lifestyle to support another little one, there's no reason not to if you want to!

FWIW (which is really nothing, because this is such a personal decision, but I'll say it anyway) I would also go for donor egg over adoption. I think it'd be easier and faster.

Good luck, OP. Infertility really sucks, sigh. Sending you lots of good wishes.

Just a side note: pp you are not infertile, you are just 44! Stop selling yourself short.

Haha, true enough now, especially since I'm actually 48 - but I did consider myself infertile when we started trying in our 30s and spent nearly a decade trying to get me pregnant with no success. Now if only I'd just hit menopause and not have to still deal with those apparently totally useless but annoyingly regular menstrual cycles. Get with the program, nature.

One thing is that you don't want your DC growing up as an only child. If I am reading correctly, they are already about 10 years old, and if you successfully have a baby they could be 11 or 12 when that child is born. So they would still have a sibling, but won't really have that experience of growing up with a sibling close in age. I'm sure they would enjoy a younger sibling though and probably more when they are adults.

Another vote to go for it. I had both of my kids in my 40s using IVF for the first and then transfer of a frozen embryo for the second in mid-40s. Both pregnancies were uneventful. I also know a handful of women who have used donor eggs in their mid-40s with no issues. If you want another child, donor eggs or embryos will likely be a faster route than adoption.

Anonymous wrote:I say go for it. Had my first at 44 and looking now at our second at 48. And I am not the oldest parent I know by a long shot! I agree with others that as long as you're generally in good health, and especially if you have the money and lifestyle to support another little one, there's no reason not to if you want to!

FWIW (which is really nothing, because this is such a personal decision, but I'll say it anyway) I would also go for donor egg over adoption. I think it'd be easier and faster.

Good luck, OP. Infertility really sucks, sigh. Sending you lots of good wishes.

Just a side note: pp you are not infertile, you are just 44! Stop selling yourself short.

I say go for it. Had my first at 44 and looking now at our second at 48. And I am not the oldest parent I know by a long shot! I agree with others that as long as you're generally in good health, and especially if you have the money and lifestyle to support another little one, there's no reason not to if you want to!

FWIW (which is really nothing, because this is such a personal decision, but I'll say it anyway) I would also go for donor egg over adoption. I think it'd be easier and faster.

Good luck, OP. Infertility really sucks, sigh. Sending you lots of good wishes.

IMO your baseline state of health is the biggest factor here

If you want another baby go for it now w DE

I had the third of three donor egg babies when I was 43. I didn’t feel it was that different from the pregnancy and babyhood of the baby I had at 36. I am sure that I would have had more energy at 22 but I have more money now and can outsource things I couldn’t have when I was younger. We will be active parenting into our late 50s, but that’s fine with us.

I know someone who did it at your age but with donor embryos. Seemingly easy pregnancy, and they are happy they did it.

I’m that boring PP that says don’t roll the dice. It could be twins. It could be high maintenance etc etc. You are old for these surprises. 65 and still paying for college myself.

I got pregnant right away at 35, had a healthy and easy pregnancy and healthy baby. Started TTC #2 when I was 37. We tried for 5 years, including infertility treatments and surgery, and I was never able to get pregnant again. We gave up after TTC for 5 years. I have never been able to accept being one and done, not by choice, and continue to be sad about this every day. Therapy has not helped. I am an only child myself and personally think it is not an ideal way to grow up.

Lately I've been thinking about donor eggs or donor embryo. Before I was not open to this but now I am. I had a perfect pregnancy with no problems the first time around but that was many years ago. I have no health issues and take no medications but I am almost 45 and worry about being very advanced maternal age now.

Would it be a bad decision to try to pursue a DE pregnancy now? DH wants to adopt but I really don't think any birth mother would choose us due to age.