Anonymous wrote:I'd forgive it. If that's the worst transgression in a long and otherwise good marriage, you are doing better than most.

OP here. We've been married 7.5 years and dated 4 years before that. He's genuinely a good and honest guy which is why I'm so baffled by this. He's a good husband, the kind that calls when he's on his way home from work, brings me flowers because I like them. I don't have to beg him for help around the house or with the kids. I've always thought of him as my best friend. To the pp who asked, The friends get together ever so often the last time was preCOVID . They decided to meet up again and have a Halloween party. I have gone in the past, but didn't feel like it, but told him to go because it had been a while since he had seen them and I believe we both deserve to have fun.

He's already deleted her from his phone and social media. I have access to those anyway. He's offered to get tested and go to therapy basically anything I want. I do believe he's sorry. I'm just so hurt, and I think more disappointed and shocked than angry, and while I'm not thinking about leaving him over this or anything. I don't think I can forgive him. either.

No, only because I did this once (with a fiancée', not husband) and it permanently altered our relationship. I was no longer "care-free" and was always fretting on where he was & what he was doing. It turned me into someone I did not like. He gave me the password to his phone/email, but he forgot to delete his sent messages so I got to read the set-up for the next affair. Anyway, not saying this will happen here OP but I'm super surprised that he told you honestly. Did he mention why?

Edited to add: Even with everything I just said, I would probably try one more time for the kids' sake. I would simultaneously be figuring out an exit plan though.

No. Cheating is unforgivable. I told DH back when we first started dating, if he wants to cheat just break up with me instead. It’s in our prenup that it’s grounds for divorce.

I'd forgive it. If that's the worst transgression in a long and otherwise good marriage, you are doing better than most.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would forgive, but not before making him clean up his mess. He would have to do all the STD testing and I would need to see all his social media and texts without letting him have time to delete. He would have to earn the trust back and it would take a long time. Therapy, figuring out why he did it, etc.

I’m guessing there are some fears about being locked down with all those kids and possibly some resentments too. Not going to get easier once the kid comes. I’m sorry OP.

This plus friend would be permanently blocked from phone and all other forms of contact. No more partying with friends. Time to grow the f up for real.

Any sniff of a second time or an affair and I’d be gone. I’d prepare for that possibility.

I’m PP. The reason I would be this strict is because there’s a big gap between thinking about doing something and actually doing something. The fact that it got that far means in some part of his mind he was fine with it, and I think he needs to understand why.

Anonymous wrote:I would forgive, but not before making him clean up his mess. He would have to do all the STD testing and I would need to see all his social media and texts without letting him have time to delete. He would have to earn the trust back and it would take a long time. Therapy, figuring out why he did it, etc.

I’m guessing there are some fears about being locked down with all those kids and possibly some resentments too. Not going to get easier once the kid comes. I’m sorry OP.

This plus friend would be permanently blocked from phone and all other forms of contact. No more partying with friends. Time to grow the f up for real.

Any sniff of a second time or an affair and I’d be gone. I’d prepare for that possibility.

I would forgive, but not before making him clean up his mess. He would have to do all the STD testing and I would need to see all his social media and texts without letting him have time to delete. He would have to earn the trust back and it would take a long time. Therapy, figuring out why he did it, etc.

I’m guessing there are some fears about being locked down with all those kids and possibly some resentments too. Not going to get easier once the kid comes. I’m sorry OP.

Oh OP.

Why is he getting drunk with high school friends while you are pregnant with 2 kids at home? Is there more to this story?

If I loved him, I would forgive 100%

At the very least wait two months and make him get std tested, including herpes, and don’t sleep with him in the interim.

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to take a wild guess that he got really cuddly with his buddy and you aren’t getting the full story. Maybe gaslighting you a little bit to make it seem less bad than what it is.

Where did this take place?

It took place when he got together with some old friends. I didn't attend. I really want to believe he's being totally honest because he's never lied to me or been dishonest , but I also never would have thought he'd fool around with a friend.

As long as he used protection and won’t have a child knocking on our door I’m okay with a one time reality check.

It’s more likely that they slept together and this wasn’t the first time.

I’m going to take a wild guess that he got really cuddly with his buddy and you aren’t getting the full story. Maybe gaslighting you a little bit to make it seem less bad than what it is.

Where did this take place?

Female friend, they don't see each other regularly usually just once a year or every other year if that when the old high school friends meet up

You have never had an issue with DH before or suspected anything inappropriate between them.

DH confesses to you. They did not sleep together more like making out and heavy petting. They had been drinking. DH is apologetic and horrified at his own behavior. Has already removed her from his phone and social media.

You have 2 kids and 1 on the way.