She will need much more motivation to succeed in a demanding school than a safety where she is one of the most well qualified students.

That's not necessarily true. There are kids--I had one--who tend to work as hard as the other people around them. If most people on campus spend minimal time studying they don't study either. If most people take academics seriously, they will too. Peer group is very important to some kids and that can still be true the first year or two of college.

Don’t have your kid apply to a school you’re not willing to pay for. Then let them decide where to go. It’s that simple.

I let my kid decide. We were choosing between a nearly full pay at a top 10 dream school and a full ride (Stamps scholarship) at top 50 school. Before he applied, I was mentally prepared to go the expensive route and have been tightening the belt for years. If he chose the free ride, I would give the money to him for grad school or downpayment.

He chose the expensive school. It was his dream, he worked hard to get in and never asked for anything. He very much enjoyed his 3.5 years (covid was a bummer, but at least we saved like $20K on not living on campus) and is graduating soon. He is planning to go into a field that is impossible to break into without a degree from a top school (I don't have connections) and does not require a professional graduate degree, and most of his offers include a possibility of paying for MBA down the road. He is getting great offers, and if he is smart with his money (and I am sure he is), he'll get that downpayment saved in a few years, so no loss there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you know your kid, mine will not do well in a safety, she is smart but not self-motivated

She will need much more motivation to succeed in a demanding school than a safety where she is one of the most well qualified students. If the safety is a SLAC, they tend to make sure kids don't fall between the cracks. I was not talking about a big public safety.

This makes zero sense. If they fail, that is on them. If they are smart, there is zero excuse to fail. Paying for an expensive school doesn't mean a better experience or success/failure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you know your kid, mine will not do well in a safety, she is smart but not self-motivated

She will need much more motivation to succeed in a demanding school than a safety where she is one of the most well qualified students. If the safety is a SLAC, they tend to make sure kids don't fall between the cracks. I was not talking about a big public safety.

Not sure if that’s necessarily a bad thing. No hand holding is fine with me.

Anonymous wrote:you know your kid, mine will not do well in a safety, she is smart but not self-motivated

She will need much more motivation to succeed in a demanding school than a safety where she is one of the most well qualified students. If the safety is a SLAC, they tend to make sure kids don't fall between the cracks. I was not talking about a big public safety.

you know your kid, mine will not do well in a safety, she is smart but not self-motivated

Depends on the schools.

Safety and graduate school. Our goal is debt free and masters degree.

OP here. Thanks for the good ideas so far. We have told D.C. that if she doesn’t use all of the money in her 529, she can use it for grad school.

Can you share some of the benefit of the merit award, so that your kid has some stake in the matter? I.e., if you go to the full-pay school, we cover tuition and r&b, but other expenses are on you (out of summer earnings or whatever). But if you choose the school with merit aid, we'll cover everything. Just a thought.

what about choosing an affordable match instead of the free safety or too expensive reach?

I did not try to convince my kid of anything.

She did her own value calculation, and chose the safety, which actually had a lot of advantages over the higher ranked school based upon what she sought in a college (i.e., fit over status).

I was impressed by her maturity. And it has worked out well for her.

We simply said "you are covered at school A, you are not covered at school B. If you decide to go to school B, these are the implications." Also, it can be major dependent too.

If your kid had to decide between a great financial package at a safety school vs full pay at a reach school, how did you handle it? We can afford full pay but just barely. Anticipating that it will be hard to convince D.C. that a big name is not worth double the cost.