If the parent pays for college, the parent has not only the right but the duty to know.

Anonymous wrote:How much do you need to know about the person your college kid is dating or in relationship with at their college town? When do you need to visit campus meet them? When do you invite them for a visit? Do you check their social media if you are curious?

Never, to all. I ask "what do you like about him/her?" and listen and ask to see a picture and then say "he/she's cute!" Then I say "I'd love to meet him/her when you're ready." My DD is 18 and each year I get her flannel holiday-themed pj pants from Old Navy. This year I'm going to get her and her boyfriend matching ones, because she'll find it funny. I still haven't met him yet. My kids have good heads on their shoulders. We have open communication.

I grew up else where in a different culture and in a different era, hence the inquiry about the do’s and dont’s.

Anonymous wrote:You let your adult child introduce you to their significant other in their own time and when they are ready? This is not hard. Ensure they know they have an open invite to bring them to meet you and then wait.

+1.

Curious? It's hard not to be curious but it's not polite.

You aren't owed any information. Unless they are about to get married, you aren't owed the opportunity to meet them. It's always nice when people share their lives with others, and want people in their lives to meet. But just because you are parents - no special privileges

As a parent, I will ask about and show interest. To show interest, without expressing any expectation.

I leave my college student alone and allow him to share whatever he wants to share. I probably know too much about his dating behavior but it’s up to him whether he wants to tell me things. I wouldn’t make a special trip to visit him to meet a girlfriend.

I don't need to know anything. They are adults. I don't subscribe to the belief you are a kid if I'm paying tuition-- over 18 and graduated HS is an adult. I stay out of their relationships until they are ready to bring a person home. I'm polite and friendly but not overbearing.

I have a sophomore in college, he brought his girlfriend around during winter break his freshman year. At the time she was "just a friend". Now she visits once a month or so.

I have a freshman in college. We visited him for parents weekend a few weeks ago. He said there isn't anyone he is ready for us to meet. It sounded like he's dating, but doesn't have a girlfriend.

Both are perfectly fine. I don't pry, nor do I get attached like they will be staying around long term. They know how to have a safe, healthy, consensual relationship.

Anonymous wrote:How much do you need to know about the person your college kid is dating or in relationship with at their college town? When do you need to visit campus meet them? When do you invite them for a visit? Do you check their social media if you are curious?

I can not believe you aren't being checked hard. You don't need to know anything.

Don’t intervene unless you are very concerned. The kid usually comes around to the correct view: woman was too needy, not a good match, etc.

That said I have many Jewish friends that “made” their college age children break up with their non Jewish SOs at some point.

They are not adults until they are independent without parents help. Age doesn't make you an adult

Anonymous wrote:Any other do’s and dont’s wisdom on this topic?

Don't assume they either are or aren't the one.

Any other do’s and dont’s wisdom on this topic?

Not much, whatever they tell us. Once we met them at graduation or our other child did when visiting. Obviously if they decide to visit us there’s that…

You let your adult child introduce you to their significant other in their own time and when they are ready? This is not hard. Ensure they know they have an open invite to bring them to meet you and then wait.

How much do you need to know about the person your college kid is dating or in relationship with at their college town? When do you need to visit campus meet them? When do you invite them for a visit? Do you check their social media if you are curious?