Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

He admits to teasing her and you think she’s the problem? Maybe tell your son not to tease people.

At 10, I wasn’t too involved in my kids friendships. Let the kids figure this out. When the mom messages you, just reply “message received.” We don’t need to handle every little thing involving our kids. It’s good to let them figure it out also.

Honestly, it sounds like your son is kind of a jerk. If she doesn't like him, there will be no friendship. Saying they are good friends "but I just think he doesn't 'like him" is actually enough for any parent to terminate a friendship unfortunately.

No, Life this too short for this nonsense. Let the friendship go, the moms sounds like a piece of work no matter where the truth lies.

She sounds nuts, but you’re not going to change her mind. I’d tell your kid to keep being friends at school and maybe after some time has passed that he can invite the kid over. You should also emphasize that he is NOT to say anything to the sister beyond a polite hello.

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

The mom doesn’t sound ok. Just have the boys to your house most of the time and tel him to steer clear of the sister and the mom.

I’m sorry about all of this. I’d be inclined to let the friendship fade. Your son can find other friends. Maybe the two boys will reconnect at a later point. Maybe not.

Regardless of who's at fault, you need to let the friendship fade. Grey rock mom.

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

This is crazy. A 10 year old saying the symphony is annoying is a bit rude but not a big deal.

There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

Let the friendship fade. You son cannot do any thing right and will always be blamed.

My 10 year old (5th grade) son is friends with a boy who has a twin sister. My son and the boy have been close since kindergarten, they live a few blocks away, and ride the same bus. The boy is a super sweet and pretty amazing kid. His sister is prone to more drama and difficulty (whining, crying when she doesn't get her way, etc.) but is also a generally nice kid. My son is also a good kid but can be stubborn and is strong-willed. He has really never been in trouble at school or on the bus besides things like talking during quiet time and that sort of thing. Nothing major.

Over the years I have received several complaints about my son's behavior from the mom of these twins. I don't mind hearing from a mom about something my kid has done so that I can talk to them about it but it seems like every single time this mom doesn't quite have the narrative correctly (according to my son and his siblings in several cases). For example, the girl's name is Emily but she goes mostly by "Em". My son and her brother and some other kids started calling her M&M. The mom was livid because Em was upset about this and she texted me and told me that my son was the ringleader of all of this and it needed to stop. I was horrified and talked to my son about it. He (and his older sister) said that most of the kids were calling her that and my son wasn't the one who started it at all. And my son doesn't really pay much attention to her...he likes her brother and ignores Em for the most part. Regardless...I asked him to stop and to just be kind to Em since she is his really good friend's sister.

There have been 5-6 other similar incidents and primarily they follow a common theme where my son is blamed for some group behavior or blamed for targeting her when he hasn't intentionally. If I thought my son was the ringleader type, I'd feel differently but I really don't think he is. He's definitely more of a follower and his stubborn streak means he digs his heels in when someone accuses him of something he doesn't think he should be responsible for.

Today I got a text from her about my son saying that my son had been taunting Em. Saying Em's violin was annoying when they were on the bus earlier this week. Em was very upset and crying, etc. As I usually do, I said sorry and I'd talk to my son. Well...according to my son he said he thought that the sound of the school orchestra was annoying vs. the sound of the band. Like "I think the band sounds better than the orchestra. The orchestra sounds annoying." Not targeting Em specifically and just being a bit of a jerk but expressing his opinion (his sister plays the violin and he is NOT a fan. He doesn't do any kind of music). I do not find this a big deal given these kids have literally had 4 weeks of band/orchestra at this point and it's not like being a supreme violin player is a major part of Em's identity. She needs to toughen up and my son wasn't directing it at her anyway.

The mom said she's getting to the point where she doesn't think my son and hers can be friends if "these behaviors" continue. I don't know what to do about this because I genuinely think she just doesn't like my kid and is overracting to every thing he does and takes out her daughter's frustrations with her brother's friends solely on MY son. There is no other family that has had any issues with my son like this, it's irrational as far as I can tell.

My son loves this kid, though, and would be heartbroken if they couldn't be friends. He says he thinks that the mom just hates him and she's being sexist and likes girls better. I think the first part might be true but the second is probably not haha.

I think once they are in middle school mom is going to have to take a step back from getting involved in this stuff anyway...but in the meantime I'm not sure what to do. I coached my son that he should just be kind to Em and understand that Em and his friend's mom is a bit sensitive about Em's feelings so just to be extra nice. He's agreed to this but given that he hasn't really been targeting her to start with...not sure if this will work.

And before you flame me...I accept that my son's "truth" may not be the whole story but this is a pattern with one specific family that doesn't exist with other friends AND with several of these incidents my son's siblings back up my son's story (and they don't normally!!)