Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:51     Subject: No ring
Red flag. I didn't want an engagement ring and would not have married my DH if he had insisted I wear one. This is the same issue in reverse. He knows it's important to you and has decided his preference takes precedence.

That said, would it be a problem if you bought yourself a ring? Or do you need it to come from him to complete the symbolism?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:50     Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd marry someone who insisted on a ring.


But why?


A ring is a shallow and stupid thing to insist on in order to get married. There are plenty of legit and good reasons not to get one-- ethics, cost, etc. So OP is contemplating not marrying someone who won't buy her a piece of jewelry? If that's a dealbreaker for her, she must not have much love or commitment for him.

It just seems crazy.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:48     Subject: No ring
I did marry someone who refused a ring, and it was a big mistake. Like PP said, it's shows they won't do something that is important to me, which was a theme in our marriage. It's not fun being married to someone who holds you in such low regard that they refuse to do anything at all to make you happy.

My current partner and I have been discussing marriage and he knows I want a ring. However, I do have issues with diamonds (plus I don't even like them), and I don't need a ton of money spent on me. My favorite ring is under $1k. He's got great taste and I know he'll put in a ton of effort finding the perfect one, which means far more to me than spending thousands of dollars.

Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:44     Subject: Re:No ring
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It depends upon the reason.

Rings were made up as an emblem in order to sell diamonds by the De Beers Consolidated Mines to make money. I don't put much stock in a ring that was invented as part of a marketing plan to sell more diamonds, yet others do.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/


PS: The idea that a rock from the dirty ground worn on my finger means anything is awfully strange. The fact the size of a rock can impress someone (or not) is pretty funny. De Beers controlled the supply and demand of diamonds in order to make them seem more rare and, therefore, more valuable.

Their "value" is all made up!





It’s specifically about an engagement ring.

Is this question about mined diamonds or a ring? I don’t care about a diamond, I would want a ring.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:44     Subject: Re:No ring
If you have articulated to your future husband why this is important and he is dismissive, then i would see that as a big red flag. And I say that as a woman who didn’t want a ring, my future husband insisted and so it sits in a drawer. It isn’t about the ring. It is about whether he takes into account what is important to you.

I’m also assuming you are not insisting on something insanely out of his budget.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:43     Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd marry someone who insisted on a ring.


But why?


I'm a NP and a woman, but I definitely agree with this sentiment. to me, somebody who insists on a ring shows that they value superficial things over other, more important things we could spend $$ on (a house, paying off loans, etc) and that doesn't line up with my values. if I was a man and my fiancee demanded a ring, I'd rethink if that's a person I want to tie my future to. (and for what it's worth, I am married and did not want a ring because I thought the money would be better spent elsewhere. my fiance really wanted to get me one, so we compromised and got a small moissanite for $300).
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:42     Subject: Re:No ring
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It depends upon the reason.

Rings were made up as an emblem in order to sell diamonds by the De Beers Consolidated Mines to make money. I don't put much stock in a ring that was invented as part of a marketing plan to sell more diamonds, yet others do.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/


PS: The idea that a rock from the dirty ground worn on my finger means anything is awfully strange. The fact the size of a rock can impress someone (or not) is pretty funny. De Beers controlled the supply and demand of diamonds in order to make them seem more rare and, therefore, more valuable.

Their "value" is all made up!





Is this question about mined diamonds or a ring? I don’t care about a diamond, I would want a ring.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:41     Subject: Re:No ring
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It depends upon the reason.

Rings were made up as an emblem in order to sell diamonds by the De Beers Consolidated Mines to make money. I don't put much stock in a ring that was invented as part of a marketing plan to sell more diamonds, yet others do.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/


PS: The idea that a rock from the dirty ground worn on my finger means anything is awfully strange. The fact the size of a rock can impress someone (or not) is pretty funny. De Beers controlled the supply and demand of diamonds in order to make them seem more rare and, therefore, more valuable.

Their "value" is all made up!





I am aware of this history. It has no bearing on the fact that it is an important symbol and milestone (ugh, pun) for many adult women, or the fact that I want one. I love the idea of a ring that I wear and admire for the rest of my life that reminds me of the sparkling promise of these days, that my kids associate with me, and that will outlast us both.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:39     Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'd marry someone who insisted on a ring.


But why?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:38     Subject: Re:No ring
Anonymous wrote:It depends upon the reason.

Rings were made up as an emblem in order to sell diamonds by the De Beers Consolidated Mines to make money. I don't put much stock in a ring that was invented as part of a marketing plan to sell more diamonds, yet others do.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/


PS: The idea that a rock from the dirty ground worn on my finger means anything is awfully strange. The fact the size of a rock can impress someone (or not) is pretty funny. De Beers controlled the supply and demand of diamonds in order to make them seem more rare and, therefore, more valuable.

Their "value" is all made up!



Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:37     Subject: No ring
Probably not. Less about the jewelry than the fact that they refuse to do something small for them but that I really want/am excited about. I’d be completely fine if they didn’t want to purchase a natural diamond for ethical reasons.

I’m not sure what the reasoning behind refusing to buy one would be.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:35     Subject: Re:No ring
It depends upon the reason.

Rings were made up as an emblem in order to sell diamonds by the De Beers Consolidated Mines to make money. I don't put much stock in a ring that was invented as part of a marketing plan to sell more diamonds, yet others do.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:33     Subject: No ring
I don't think I'd marry someone who insisted on a ring.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:32     Subject: No ring
I guess it depends on why they won't offer a ring? Are you asking for a diamond or are you willing to accept a token ring?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2021 10:30     Subject: No ring
Would you marry someone who wants to marry you but refuses to offer a ring, even when they know you want one?