Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 20:15     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

2 or even closer.

I have both, first two are 26 months apart. Third is 38 months after second.

Go for the 2 year spread if you can.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 20:11     Subject: Re:Two or Three Year Age Gap?

I think 3 year age gap is easier/better. Your first is potty trained and a little more independent by the time the second one comes along. Everyone I know that does a 2 year age gap, their lives look like hell for like 3 years- then it starts to get better. But thats hard on a marriage.

You also have more time to savor and enjoy your first baby's early years before you pile another one on. I think it is harder to enjoy those early years when you have 2 back to back. Its more like you are just surviving each day, but not enjoying it.

They are also less competitive and jealous of one another because they arent so close in age. It changes the dymanic a bit, for the better IMO.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:59     Subject: Re:Two or Three Year Age Gap?

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it matters that much. I think whether they play together or get along will depend much more on their personalities than on age gap.

I had a 3.5 age gap (I was aiming for 2.5 but two miscarriages killed that plan). I didn't think they would play together but they did, quite a bit. When they did not, I attribute mostly to them being different genders and having very different interests. They get along great and almost never fight -- but again, just luck of the draw and not much to do with spacing.

For you, I think 3 will be easier in the beginning because your older will be a little more independent. But later on life, 2 may be easier because there will more years they will be in the same school and they will generally be i the same stage of childhood at the same time.


OP here. I shoulda have been more specific. I’m not asking in the sense that they get along and play together. I’m asking if they think a 2 or 3 year age gap is easier? Some have said a 2 year gap is easier because oldest is still young and you can get through all the baby phases quicker, and others have said it’s hard because you oldest isn’t super independent and it’s hard to care for both of them. Some have said the 3 year age gap is good because oldest child is older and more aware and independent, and others have said the child being older means more rejection for baby and it can make for a tougher transition.


But whether they play together is part of the answer. My kids are almost exactly 2 years apart. While it may initially have been easier if my older kid had been 3 before we had his sibling (and I have my doubts about that- I think you may be overestimating the "independence" of a 3 year old), it makes my life a lot easier when my kids can entertain each other. As someone else noted, the period of time when I had a 2 year old and newborn was way shorter than the years my kids were 4-9 (they are now 9 and 7).
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:46     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

I guess it depends on you - I didn’t feel ready when baby was 1. Got pregnant right before 2 months before baby turned 2 and it has felt really right to me. I wish they were two years apart in school not 3 though.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:43     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

I had my kids at 35 and 37. They are 20 months apart and I’m happy with the age gap.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:43     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

We starting trying at 1 year because I was 37 and didn’t want to wait. We got pregnant right away and my kids are 21 months apart. It was hard at first with trying to heal from birth, care for a newborn, and try to give my first equal attention. We managed and now my kids are 3 and 1 and things are much easier.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:39     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

Op, don't try to optimize this. Thank your lucky stars, whenever.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:36     Subject: Re:Two or Three Year Age Gap?

In my experience, it’s close to impossible to predict exactly how long it will take you to give birth to a healthy baby. It may take several months to get pregnant and then you may have a late miscarriage and need to start the process again. Or maybe you’ll get pregnant tonight and have two babies under two! Don’t over think the age difference. Start trying when you and your partner won’t be upset to welcome a baby in 40 weeks.

Good luck and happy birthday to your son!

(My kids are 20 months apart and while the first 6 months were a very cute blur, I wouldn’t change a thing because it’s my family and my experience. As I tell my kids: you get what you get and you don’t get upset.)
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:31     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

Mine ended up 3.5 yrs apart and I'm happy for that. My first would have been a total nightmare to add a baby to at age 2, by 3/3.5, he was a lot more independent and understood much more. They're now 5.5/2 and play together all the time.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:22     Subject: Re:Two or Three Year Age Gap?

There is no right answer. What worked for one parent night be a nightmare for another.

I really wanted my kids to be 2.5 - 3 years apart. It didn’t happen and they ended up four years apart. It worked out wonderfully for us. But the 3 years may have worked out just as well.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 17:15     Subject: Re:Two or Three Year Age Gap?

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it matters that much. I think whether they play together or get along will depend much more on their personalities than on age gap.

I had a 3.5 age gap (I was aiming for 2.5 but two miscarriages killed that plan). I didn't think they would play together but they did, quite a bit. When they did not, I attribute mostly to them being different genders and having very different interests. They get along great and almost never fight -- but again, just luck of the draw and not much to do with spacing.

For you, I think 3 will be easier in the beginning because your older will be a little more independent. But later on life, 2 may be easier because there will more years they will be in the same school and they will generally be i the same stage of childhood at the same time.


OP here. I shoulda have been more specific. I’m not asking in the sense that they get along and play together. I’m asking if they think a 2 or 3 year age gap is easier? Some have said a 2 year gap is easier because oldest is still young and you can get through all the baby phases quicker, and others have said it’s hard because you oldest isn’t super independent and it’s hard to care for both of them. Some have said the 3 year age gap is good because oldest child is older and more aware and independent, and others have said the child being older means more rejection for baby and it can make for a tougher transition.


There will be positives and negatives in both senses. If you think a 3 yr old will be more independent you're high. Just because they understand that you need to change the baby or nurse, doesn't mean they won't pitch a tantrum. Keep in mind you need consider their entire lives, not just the first 4 or 5 years for YOU.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 16:43     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

It is easier 2 years apart. They have friends and interests more in common.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 16:40     Subject: Re:Two or Three Year Age Gap?

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it matters that much. I think whether they play together or get along will depend much more on their personalities than on age gap.

I had a 3.5 age gap (I was aiming for 2.5 but two miscarriages killed that plan). I didn't think they would play together but they did, quite a bit. When they did not, I attribute mostly to them being different genders and having very different interests. They get along great and almost never fight -- but again, just luck of the draw and not much to do with spacing.

For you, I think 3 will be easier in the beginning because your older will be a little more independent. But later on life, 2 may be easier because there will more years they will be in the same school and they will generally be i the same stage of childhood at the same time.


OP here. I shoulda have been more specific. I’m not asking in the sense that they get along and play together. I’m asking if they think a 2 or 3 year age gap is easier? Some have said a 2 year gap is easier because oldest is still young and you can get through all the baby phases quicker, and others have said it’s hard because you oldest isn’t super independent and it’s hard to care for both of them. Some have said the 3 year age gap is good because oldest child is older and more aware and independent, and others have said the child being older means more rejection for baby and it can make for a tougher transition.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 16:35     Subject: Re:Two or Three Year Age Gap?

I don't think it matters that much. I think whether they play together or get along will depend much more on their personalities than on age gap.

I had a 3.5 age gap (I was aiming for 2.5 but two miscarriages killed that plan). I didn't think they would play together but they did, quite a bit. When they did not, I attribute mostly to them being different genders and having very different interests. They get along great and almost never fight -- but again, just luck of the draw and not much to do with spacing.

For you, I think 3 will be easier in the beginning because your older will be a little more independent. But later on life, 2 may be easier because there will more years they will be in the same school and they will generally be i the same stage of childhood at the same time.
Anonymous
Post 10/14/2021 16:28     Subject: Two or Three Year Age Gap?

My sweet baby boy is turning 1! We want a second but can’t decide if we should start trying now or wait until he’s closer to 2? I like the idea of them closer in age, but I’ve had some people tell me a 3 year age gap is better. For this if you who had a 2 year gap, did you like it or wish it you waited? For those who had a 3 year gap, did you like it or wish you had your kids closer in age? This will be our second and last child.