I think mental health can impact this a lot. Also, how you live in middle age will determine a lot of how you live in old age.

My mom has serious mental health issues that have been around for decades but have gotten much worse in her 70s. I have started to read a bit about how history of depression or anxiety can impact dementia, and I think that is what is happening with my mom. I don't think it's just that as you age, you lose brain function. Some quickness perhaps, yes, but I don't think it's automatic. But I think my mom has been fighting with her brain for most of her life, and rather than getting treatment for depression that might have helped rewire her brain towards greater functionality, she lived with the disfunction. I think that's become really apparent in the last few years. She's started engaging in all these really troubling behaviors -- lying, childish attempts at manipulation, etc. It is disturbing to watch as her child. I feel it must be connected to her neglect of mental health issues for many years.

And that is linked to lifestyle and health choices. She's always been a very sedentary person (I think very influenced by the depression) and eaten a diet high in sugar and fat. That of course has had a really negative impact on her in these later years -- diabetes, plus she's very heavy now and that impacts her body comfort and joints, only further diminishing her willingness to get up and move (which is what she needs!).

It is very sad to see and has created a very large burden on my siblings and I. My dad does a little better but only moderately, and they feed off one another.

I am very committed to taking care of my body and my brain so that I can age as gracefully as I can, for both my sake and for my children. Of course there are things you can't control, like cancer. But all the more reason to control the things you can. I don't want to wind up angry, overweight, bitter, lying to my children, lying to my doctors, behaving like a difficult child. I don't want my later years to look like they do for my parents.

I'm happy for you OP and truly wish your mom continues like this to the end. A happy old age is truly a blessing. However your post sounds like and elementary forum parent chiming in on the teenage forum. When things go bad, they go bad quickly. Also, a lot of the people who complain about needy parents leave out the physical and mental issues their parents have always had but were exacerbated by aging. And might I add, it's sometimes the really independent ones that fight modification to their lifestyle that are necessary due to age and declining health. You should knock on wood OP.

Both my parents are 77, but my Dad looks 10 years older and my Mom looks 10 years younger. My Dad is sedentary, eats soda and ice cream everyday. My Mom is always moving and eats a very Asian diet.

Anonymous wrote:On this forum, I read about a lot of people whose parents are in their late 70's, and seem to be kind of a mess, or very needy.

Not trying to rub it in at all, but age 79 should not mean that a person is a hopeless mess.

My mom is 79, and she still works (elected politician), looks great, works out daily, dresses really nicely, has done of friends, and is just a very strong person. (My mom has been widowed since at 59, but she has a big group of friends who like to travel together, go to symphony concerts, etc.)

She is not needy AT ALL.

My mom went to her high school reunion recently (high school class of 1960). She sent me a photo of her with all of her classmates. Her classmates all look old and kind of like they have let themselves go. My mom (without ANY plastic surgery) looks so much younger than they are -- she is slim and always dresses in a stylish way.

When I hear about other peoples' parents who are kind of a mess at this age, it seems like it does not need to be that way.

You are lucky. My mom has been physically disabled for almost 30 years.

I get it, OP. I'm watching my parents, in-laws, and peers' parents age and the difference between ones who eat garbage and spend time watching tv/on their phones vs the ones who walk daily and are engaged in life is stark. It's a constant reminder to me to lift weights, eat a bit better, and do NOT give up. It's like my mother decided at 60 that she wasn't going to try to improve her physical health when she started becoming disabled and now she's walking with a walker at 75 and is very frail. It's like she's 95.

Anonymous wrote:On this forum, I read about a lot of people whose parents are in their late 70's, and seem to be kind of a mess, or very needy.

Not trying to rub it in at all, but age 79 should not mean that a person is a hopeless mess.

My mom is 79, and she still works (elected politician), looks great, works out daily, dresses really nicely, has done of friends, and is just a very strong person. (My mom has been widowed since at 59, but she has a big group of friends who like to travel together, go to symphony concerts, etc.)

She is not needy AT ALL.

My mom went to her high school reunion recently (high school class of 1960). She sent me a photo of her with all of her classmates. Her classmates all look old and kind of like they have let themselves go. My mom (without ANY plastic surgery) looks so much younger than they are -- she is slim and always dresses in a stylish way.

When I hear about other peoples' parents who are kind of a mess at this age, it seems like it does not need to be that way.

Would you like a medal?

Well, your dad didn't make it to 79, so you know that sometimes that's not how things work out. Your mom has been blessed with good health but also stays active mentally and physically which helps a lot and some people can't or won't do that. She's very lucky.

Anonymous wrote:Yea for you? Obviously there are a wide range of outcomes for the end of someone’s life. I’m glad your mom is doing well. She probably ate healthily and exercised and is now reaping the benefits of those efforts.

I will say that in my experience, that can change on a dime. My dad did great until his 80th year. Things turned, he clearly wasn’t doing well, and passed away just before his 81st birthday.

Obviously I hope your mom lives many more years, but just a note of caution on assuming everything will stay great just because they are good for her today.

My dad is the same age as OP’s mom and is also doing great. My FIL is younger and seems 10 years older than my dad. My mom died 15 years ago. A lot of it is attributable to lifestyle, but a whole lot of it is luck. And when that luck turns, it really sucks. So enjoy your mom, OP — i hope she has many more good years. My mom would be the same age and I miss her ever day.

Good for your mom! A relative lived at home until she was 100, and good for her, too!

That said, I have several relatives in their mid-70s who are having health issues that make it harder for them to live independently. When you say "it seems like it does not need to be that way," what are you suggesting they should have done differently?

It's funny, I'm 50 and I have no medical issues at all, and yet I have peers with breast cancer. It doesn't need to be that way.
It's almost like ... people are different.

You are lucky. My father was great at 79 too. At 85 he got cancer and quickly became very high needs. He is beating the cancer but he has other health issues now, he lives in an area without Uber and his driving is questionable. He doesn’t want to move to an assisted living facility so it’s been tough to help him long distance.

I hope your mom continues to do well. Mine is in her early 80's, looks young, is independent and active. She has been complaining lately about cognitive decline so it's starting.

Same here Op.

I think there's a lot more/majority of old people are doing fine overall, but you just read about the problems here on this Forum (and all the other forums especially the parenting ones). Kinda like the news - you only hear the bad stuff .

Yea for you? Obviously there are a wide range of outcomes for the end of someone’s life. I’m glad your mom is doing well. She probably ate healthily and exercised and is now reaping the benefits of those efforts.

I will say that in my experience, that can change on a dime. My dad did great until his 80th year. Things turned, he clearly wasn’t doing well, and passed away just before his 81st birthday.

Obviously I hope your mom lives many more years, but just a note of caution on assuming everything will stay great just because they are good for her today.

On this forum, I read about a lot of people whose parents are in their late 70's, and seem to be kind of a mess, or very needy.

Not trying to rub it in at all, but age 79 should not mean that a person is a hopeless mess.

My mom is 79, and she still works (elected politician), looks great, works out daily, dresses really nicely, has done of friends, and is just a very strong person. (My mom has been widowed since at 59, but she has a big group of friends who like to travel together, go to symphony concerts, etc.)

She is not needy AT ALL.

My mom went to her high school reunion recently (high school class of 1960). She sent me a photo of her with all of her classmates. Her classmates all look old and kind of like they have let themselves go. My mom (without ANY plastic surgery) looks so much younger than they are -- she is slim and always dresses in a stylish way.

When I hear about other peoples' parents who are kind of a mess at this age, it seems like it does not need to be that way.