Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:57
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:We have the his/hers/ours system. Each have separate accounts and a joint account as well as separate credit cards and a joint credit card. Most of the expenses are joint (food, mortgage, daycare, etc.) and separate expenses include our own clothes, trips with our friends and other personal items such as electronics. Everything for the kids is joint.
We each contribute to the joint account pro rata by income and replenish the joint account as needed. Our separate money is generally ours to spend as we wish although obviously we would discuss if it was something that would impact the household (i.e. neither of us would go out and buy three cars that would take up the whole driveway).
I really love this system and it works great for us.
Do you agree to max out your retirement accounts, and contribute to additional taxable savings?
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:55
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
This is us, almost exactly. We’ve never actually sat down and done a strict accounting, but it’s roughly equal, or at least commensurate with our incomes. We have the same approach to money and have never had an argument about finances. Only difference is that every account, except for some inherited $$ on both sides, is in a joint account, and visible to the other. However, I use some accounts for my spending, and DH uses others. We occasionally do some transfers between accounts for specific things, like at tax time, or if we choose to make a large joint charitable donation. So, it’s separate, but all still “ours,” if that makes any sense. Neither of us is on a budget, but I wouldn’t, for example, buy a car without discussing it with DH.
IME, how you set things up isn’t as important as being on the same wavelength on spending.
We have completely combined accounts, and I think there's a lot of truth here.
Also, one of the keys to not arguing about money is having enough of it. At a minimum, it makes it easier!
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:55
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
We have the his/hers/ours system. Each have separate accounts and a joint account as well as separate credit cards and a joint credit card. Most of the expenses are joint (food, mortgage, daycare, etc.) and separate expenses include our own clothes, trips with our friends and other personal items such as electronics. Everything for the kids is joint.
We each contribute to the joint account pro rata by income and replenish the joint account as needed. Our separate money is generally ours to spend as we wish although obviously we would discuss if it was something that would impact the household (i.e. neither of us would go out and buy three cars that would take up the whole driveway).
I really love this system and it works great for us.
We each contribute to the joint account pro rata by income and replenish the joint account as needed. Our separate money is generally ours to spend as we wish although obviously we would discuss if it was something that would impact the household (i.e. neither of us would go out and buy three cars that would take up the whole driveway).
I really love this system and it works great for us.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:53
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
+1 I literally could have written this
I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.
As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over.
How do you deal with retirement savings?
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:51
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
This is us, almost exactly. We’ve never actually sat down and done a strict accounting, but it’s roughly equal, or at least commensurate with our incomes. We have the same approach to money and have never had an argument about finances. Only difference is that every account, except for some inherited $$ on both sides, is in a joint account, and visible to the other. However, I use some accounts for my spending, and DH uses others. We occasionally do some transfers between accounts for specific things, like at tax time, or if we choose to make a large joint charitable donation. So, it’s separate, but all still “ours,” if that makes any sense. Neither of us is on a budget, but I wouldn’t, for example, buy a car without discussing it with DH.
IME, how you set things up isn’t as important as being on the same wavelength on spending.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:50
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
We have separate checking and savings, and joint checking and savings. All family expenses throughout the month (groceries, diapers, target runs, dining out) go on the joint credit card. At the end of the month we look at the credit card bill, car payments, day care tuition, utilities, and divide that number 60/40. Money gets moved into the joint checking and bills are paid from there. Anything that is just for us (my gym membership, his fantasy football league, my new work clothes) come out of our personal accounts.
We are very transparent about how much is in each of our personal accounts and a few times a year we take a look at all of the accounts and review where we stand financially. DH is a bigger spender than I am, we usually run big personal purchases by each other even though we’re spending “our own” money for those.
We are very transparent about how much is in each of our personal accounts and a few times a year we take a look at all of the accounts and review where we stand financially. DH is a bigger spender than I am, we usually run big personal purchases by each other even though we’re spending “our own” money for those.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:46
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
+1 I literally could have written this
I'm glad that other people are like this. My brother and SIL itemize each bill in their household and I feel really badly for them. They're constantly fighting about money and expenses. They make nearly identical salaries, have identical loans, and are both physicians so I don't know why the stress.
As long as you can come to the understanding that your end goal is the same, you should consider it the same pot. DH and I have both decided that we're much happier when we don't have someone breathing down our necks re: expenses. We don't like to spend much, though, so guess we don't have much to fight over.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:43
Subject: Re:Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
We have separate finances, just because we were older when we got married I think and it was easier. Joint expenses go on a joint credit card. We usually split it but when one of us got a lower paying job we adjusted. We each have all the log in info for each other. I guess we could have one brokerage account instead of two, and one checking account instead of two, but I feel more independent this way and truthfully, we both have enough money and we don’t track stuff that carefully. We should, probably. I think if we had a really good budget and tracked and were careful, that would matter more than if we just combined our accounts.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:43
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
+1 I literally could have written this
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:41
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
^^ if one of us was a much bigger spender than the other, for the sake of peace we would then add separate discretionary checking accounts with an agreed-upon X% of individual salary going into each account.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:38
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
Obviously, you have compared. What would you do if somehow one person paying x2 or x3 more? How would you handle that?
I do pay 2x or 3x more than DH and I'm not bothered. The baseline monthly payments is not really that big a deal but I pay for nearly $100K more in savings plus all home renovations/housing needs, and whatever big vacations we opt to take. It's not an issue. At the end of the day, we have the same goals and retirement needs so we don't nitpick. I am self employed, though, so my salary will fluctuate more which makes the larger expenses more easily paid on my end.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:38
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
One joint checking/savings account, separate retirement accounts. That's it. I stand to get a fairly large inheritance at some point, not sure what I'll do about that though. Probably just dump it in a separate account and leave it.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 09:35
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Anonymous wrote:We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
Obviously, you have compared. What would you do if somehow one person paying x2 or x3 more? How would you handle that?
Anonymous
10/01/2021 08:49
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
We may be oddities here but we don't really have major discussions about finances. We have 100% separate finances - banking, credit cards, savings, etc. and never thought to merge. It's just easier this way. I have my privacy in spending and DH has his.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
I (wife) pay nanny/childcare costs, sports fees, music, academics, and most kids activities. I save for the kids 529s and pay vacations. We never discussed why but it naturally evolved because I do the scheduling.
DH pays for mortgage (though house is in both names), auto insurance, and cable/internet. Family insurance taken from DH's pay check.
We'll pay for groceries as each one goes.
Our expenses ended up being relatively equal as far as monthly is concerned, though because I'm the greater earner I put more into savings accounts. Neither one of us is a huge spender.
This has never been an issue and we've never fought about money.
Anonymous
10/01/2021 08:32
Subject: Yours, Mine, and Ours finances-- how does it work in your house?
Not interested to hear from those who "share everything" and wouldn't consider this.
Looking to hear from those who have a good system of joint and separate, especially if there is a difference in income or spending habits between spouses. Thanks!
Looking to hear from those who have a good system of joint and separate, especially if there is a difference in income or spending habits between spouses. Thanks!