Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:11     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:I know what you mean. There are about 1000 different ways to ruin your marriage and hurt your partner, and cheating may be just one of them... or it may not be a big deal. I don't understand people who are willing to go through absolute hell in order to "save" their marriage, but are ready to drop everything they built in a second, because OMG CHEATING.


Then don’t marry me. It was an expressed deal breaker before I said “I do”.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:10     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure you can say this with certainty until you have been through it.


+100

The reality of it is so much different, especially with a large investment and kids.


This is exactly why it SHOULD matter.


This is exactly why you SHOULDN’T cheat.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:10     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
I know what you mean. There are about 1000 different ways to ruin your marriage and hurt your partner, and cheating may be just one of them... or it may not be a big deal. I don't understand people who are willing to go through absolute hell in order to "save" their marriage, but are ready to drop everything they built in a second, because OMG CHEATING.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:09     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:No. I don't think like you. Cheating does evoke a strong emotion for me and part of the reason is that I connect in all ways to my spouse and so I would feel betrayed. Maybe it's that expectation of what you want from a spouse/marriage that makes a difference? Not sure but I'm not able to dissociate as you do.


Yep. I give myself 100% to my spouse and I am a person that does not trust easily. If you gave my unconditional trust and every part of me physically (the monogamy and trust let’s me open up in so many ways sexually and emotionally) and you lie and betray me like that? Done. Once someone betrays me that deeply. It’s over. Nothing you can say or do will ever let me have any trust in faith in you ever again. You are dead to me.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:09     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure you can say this with certainty until you have been through it.


+100

The reality of it is so much different, especially with a large investment and kids.


This is exactly why it SHOULD matter.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:07     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
I’d go fully bunny boiler, DEFCON 5. I don’t know why these losers think married people are a safe bet “mutual destruction” and all that BS. F that. I’m blowing everyone up!
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:07     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:
I’ve been happily married for many years. My spouse isn’t perfect and neither am I but we are happy with our lives and have great kids as well as our own separate hobbies/friends etc. I honestly wouldn’t care that much if I found out he had ‘cheated’ on me. It doesn’t take away from what we have together, and I’m imperfect too. I think he feels the same way. It’s not something that is is so important to me the way it seems to be in a lot of other posts cue the realizing whole life was a lie, abuse etc. I also don’t think I have low self esteem as many will crow. Physical intimacy is just not the only measure of love in my opinion and not something I’d divorce over


Waiting for all the replies of wait until it happens to me I’m in denial etc or I have low self esteem and he’s already cheating. Anyone else know what I mean?


I feel the same way but have not been cheated on so no first hand experience.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:06     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
No. I don't think like you. Cheating does evoke a strong emotion for me and part of the reason is that I connect in all ways to my spouse and so I would feel betrayed. Maybe it's that expectation of what you want from a spouse/marriage that makes a difference? Not sure but I'm not able to dissociate as you do.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:04     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure you can say this with certainty until you have been through it.


+100

The reality of it is so much different, especially with a large investment and kids.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:03     Subject: Re:Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Nope. The affair - holy crap- NO. Romancing another woman on our time and doing all kinds of sexual acts unprotected while still sleeping with me. Any spouse can tolerate all that an affair entails (even the NSA ones require them to invest, say I love you if they go on long enough). Nope. It’s a huge deal and if our teens had found out I would have severely messed them up. If our community had found out it would have been a disaster.

Getting screened for STIs because you were blindsided and finding out the types of lies to cover up the encounters which often means you were pulling double duty on the home front for them to get that time.

No way in hell. I think too highly of myself to ever let someone treat me that way. It would be a huge f——ing deal. I find cheaters or polyamory folks are like “so what”.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:02     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Hard telling. I'd be very unhappy with the situation, but I can't say that I'd find it nearly as catastrophic as I would have 20 years ago when we first got married.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:02     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
I agree with you, pp. I don't think my wife does though, so I won't be cheating.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 13:01     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
Can't relate to this at all. Marriage is a promise between you as individuals and to your family.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 12:58     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?
I'm not sure you can say this with certainty until you have been through it.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2021 12:55     Subject: Anyone else not care that much about cheating?

I’ve been happily married for many years. My spouse isn’t perfect and neither am I but we are happy with our lives and have great kids as well as our own separate hobbies/friends etc. I honestly wouldn’t care that much if I found out he had ‘cheated’ on me. It doesn’t take away from what we have together, and I’m imperfect too. I think he feels the same way. It’s not something that is is so important to me the way it seems to be in a lot of other posts cue the realizing whole life was a lie, abuse etc. I also don’t think I have low self esteem as many will crow. Physical intimacy is just not the only measure of love in my opinion and not something I’d divorce over


Waiting for all the replies of wait until it happens to me I’m in denial etc or I have low self esteem and he’s already cheating. Anyone else know what I mean?