Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:19     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for these tips! The school actually asked us for input since what they're doing (telling him to stop, trying to teach empathy) apparently isn't working. I've almost never seen him try to hurt another kid, but when I have seen him get physical, I do use the Janet Lansbury approach, telling him I won't let him do that, modeling an apology, removing him gently from the situation. Should this just be continued until he's old enough for real discipline?


What is "real discipline" to you? What is on the table?


not sure! I guess time outs, taking away things he enjoys even if not immediately.

Consequences need to be immediate at this age (so if he uses a toy to hit, it gets taken away).
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:17     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Sounds like a lot is going on in his life. Maybe don't worry about consequences or punishments now. The PP had good suggestions on how to handle behavior at home. For the time being, let the staff at school handle the behavior at school, unless it escalates.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:15     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for these tips! The school actually asked us for input since what they're doing (telling him to stop, trying to teach empathy) apparently isn't working. I've almost never seen him try to hurt another kid, but when I have seen him get physical, I do use the Janet Lansbury approach, telling him I won't let him do that, modeling an apology, removing him gently from the situation. Should this just be continued until he's old enough for real discipline?


What is "real discipline" to you? What is on the table?


not sure! I guess time outs, taking away things he enjoys even if not immediately.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:12     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:Make sure your child is getting a good amount of uninterrupted sleep appropriate to their age. Watch their diet and limit added sugars and too many processed foods. Limit the screens if you do them and definitely have screeen breaks. Check if there is any stress in your life that they are feeding off. This sets up a good baseline so you don't have to unnecessarily deal with bad behavior due to tiredness etc. It's not fair to them.
Next for things that happen at school, is the staff asking you to do something or do they have it under control? When does it happen? During some sort of transition? It's not unusual for kids that age to strike out in frustration. The staff should be able to redirect or you can work with them to find strategies to help your kid handle his big feelings.


Thank you, sleep at night is good but he is barely napping at school which I think must be related to the issues, though we're told some of the behavior is happening in the morning. Diet is good, no more than ~30 minutes of screen time every other day or so. The adjustment to school has been huge but it's been almost a month, and we're also expecting a new baby later this fall. We don't talk about that constantly but it must be on his radar.

The school staff mentioned it, not like they're deeply concerned or going to kick him out, but when we asked for more details they made it sound constant and like he just doesn't listen. Not sure if he is striking out in frustration or thinks he's being playful and just not respecting personal space, possibly a little of both.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:05     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for these tips! The school actually asked us for input since what they're doing (telling him to stop, trying to teach empathy) apparently isn't working. I've almost never seen him try to hurt another kid, but when I have seen him get physical, I do use the Janet Lansbury approach, telling him I won't let him do that, modeling an apology, removing him gently from the situation. Should this just be continued until he's old enough for real discipline?


What is "real discipline" to you? What is on the table?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:04     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Why does the school think your child is hitting? Is it a certain setting or does he hit randomly?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:02     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
OP here: Thanks for these tips! The school actually asked us for input since what they're doing (telling him to stop, trying to teach empathy) apparently isn't working. I've almost never seen him try to hurt another kid, but when I have seen him get physical, I do use the Janet Lansbury approach, telling him I won't let him do that, modeling an apology, removing him gently from the situation. Should this just be continued until he's old enough for real discipline?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:55     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Make sure your child is getting a good amount of uninterrupted sleep appropriate to their age. Watch their diet and limit added sugars and too many processed foods. Limit the screens if you do them and definitely have screeen breaks. Check if there is any stress in your life that they are feeding off. This sets up a good baseline so you don't have to unnecessarily deal with bad behavior due to tiredness etc. It's not fair to them.
Next for things that happen at school, is the staff asking you to do something or do they have it under control? When does it happen? During some sort of transition? It's not unusual for kids that age to strike out in frustration. The staff should be able to redirect or you can work with them to find strategies to help your kid handle his big feelings.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:52     Subject: appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Anonymous wrote:Consequences need to be as immediately as possible.

Hitting/kicking = I leave the room, if possible. Or we leave the playground/playdate immediately. Or whatever is as close to that as possible.

Throwing a toy = that toy is taken away for the day.

Refusing to clean up toys = I pick up the toys and put them in a box and they are gone for the day.

Defiance, I actually try to work around. Redirect, defuse with something silly, etc.

And praise him for good behavior to reinforce it.


This is excellent advice. I also wanted to add that punishment for behavior at preschool is extremely ineffective and counterproductive. He is not going to connect losing a toy at home with hitting a kid 6 hours ago. It’s just going to make the behavior worse because he’s going to be more frustrated in general. In his mind he was playing nicely at home and mom took away his truck. It doesn’t matter how much you explain, he’s not going to get it at age 2.

Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:48     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
I’d be careful about doing timeouts in the crib. At 2.5, he may start trying to climb out soon.

I agree that consequences need to be as immediate as possible. For infractions at school, the teachers are the ones who can respond first. What do they recommend? You need to coordinate with them and come up with a joint plan on how to handle misbehavior at school.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:45     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Read "No Bad Kids" by Janet Lansbury. It'll help a ton.

She has excellent advice for setting firm limits in a compassionate way.

Also, 100% agree with the other poster that the preschool will handle the issues at school, and delayed consequences aren't effective at this age.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:39     Subject: appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Consequences need to be as immediately as possible.

Hitting/kicking = I leave the room, if possible. Or we leave the playground/playdate immediately. Or whatever is as close to that as possible.

Throwing a toy = that toy is taken away for the day.

Refusing to clean up toys = I pick up the toys and put them in a box and they are gone for the day.

Defiance, I actually try to work around. Redirect, defuse with something silly, etc.

And praise him for good behavior to reinforce it.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:38     Subject: Re:appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
For stuff that happens at preschool, they will handle it. A 2.5 year old can't understand consequences hours after the behavior you are trying to correct. At home, natural consequences are best, logical consequences are next best. You really should not be punishing a 2.5 year old who is till just trying to figure out boundaries and what is right and wrong.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:34     Subject: appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
none.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:32     Subject: appropriate consequences/punishment for 2.5 year old
Clueless FTM mom here. DS is almost 2.5 and starting to show a lot of defiance - normal stuff, but we're trying to draw a really firm line around hitting/kicking/disrespecting his teachers, etc. Most of it is happening at preschool, so an extra challenge to not be there in the moment, but it occasionally happens around us. He seems to understand the concept of rewards like small treats and getting to watch his favorite show.

At this age, what are appropriate (and effective) tactics to discourage this behavior? "Time out" in the crib, taking away a favorite toy? Should there be an immediate cause and effect for it to click? Open to any external resources you like as well. Thank you!