Anonymous wrote:Raising kids in an open and honest atmosphere where you can discuss difficult issues vs raising them to keep up appearances and hide the bad or unflattering stuff. Supporting kids when they speak up about things that are unfair (in your family, in school, in life). Encourage them to always have a bank account for emergencies that only they have access to.

OP here. I'm a DV survivor as a kid and this sounds very helpful. Thank you for this post.

Anonymous wrote:In my circle, the people who had the “perfect” family of origins found it the hardest to leave unhealthy marriages because their families just did not understand why they couldn’t fix things or that they had married a monster with a smile.

I'm the PP who experienced abuse in college, and I think there is some truth to this. The guy in question was from a very wealthy family, well-educated, athletic, good-looking, impeccable manners, etc. Seemed perfect to everyone else, so I became convinced that there was something wrong with me. Most of my friends and family thought he could do no wrong. My mom was the only outlier to that. While it was unwelcome at the time, I'm so thankful that she pushed me to see the truth.

No way to ensure this.

Psychopaths come at all income levels. The really good ones are charming, educated and even kind. Then they turn to monsters behind closed doors.

Raising kids in an open and honest atmosphere where you can discuss difficult issues vs raising them to keep up appearances and hide the bad or unflattering stuff. Supporting kids when they speak up about things that are unfair (in your family, in school, in life). Encourage them to always have a bank account for emergencies that only they have access to.

In my circle, the people who had the “perfect” family of origins found it the hardest to leave unhealthy marriages because their families just did not understand why they couldn’t fix things or that they had married a monster with a smile.

Anonymous wrote:
Someone on another thread said that it isn't possible to domestic violence-proof your kids, but I'm sure there are some things that I could do to make it less likely.

I'm thinking confidence-generating things. Not sure exactly what.

Maybe team sports?
Treating them well, both parents treating them well and treating each other well?
Financial stability
Any correlation with education?

Other thoughts?

Maybe. I grew up in an environment with all of these characteristics, and yet I still ended up in an emotionally and physically abusive long-term relationship in college. Fortunately, I got myself out of it before it was too late.

Someone on another thread said that it isn't possible to domestic violence-proof your kids, but I'm sure there are some things that I could do to make it less likely.

I'm thinking confidence-generating things. Not sure exactly what.

Maybe team sports?
Treating them well, both parents treating them well and treating each other well?
Financial stability
Any correlation with education?

Other thoughts?