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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Darlings!
Just me popping on to recap my week for you, just in case you missed any of my posts. HEART AND COMMENT so I know you're here. Keep scrolling because I HAVE AN EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT but you have to read till the end. SQUEE!

I have a new podcast episode up with Dr. Needa Vage who is an expert on reproductive health and alllllll the things. If you forget that she's an expert, that's OK - I got you covered because I will tell you she's an expert about 37 times just to make sure you understand the SHE IS AN EXPERT. And actually, I don't advertise this is a rebroadcast but those true blue fans will recognize that the hue of my hair is a slightly less obnoxious shade of yellow and the absence of my dazzling under eye treatment designed to mask those pesky dark circles.

Link in the comments to purchase, use code JEN for a discount. BTW, everyone has asked and the shade of my concealer is called "Cullen." Hope you love it as much as I do, droplets. It's so important for our undereye area to be a bright white. SO IMPORTANT.

Back to the PODCAST. I have a real treat for you in the 30 or so minutes before our EXPERT starts talking where I introduce my RIDE OR DIE Amy who is almost as exciting as soggy Nilla Wafers - the generic kind, not the good ones from Nabisco. I vaguely mention that you'll be hearing Amy on the podcast. I don't really explain how I know her but direct you to another episode - CLICK THAT LINK - then I give some commentary that's the perfect blend of sacharine and  snark on her family's active lifestyle where I let you know that YOUR GIRL JEN IS ALL ABOUT THE LUXURY HOTEL and that what Amy's family does on vacation is oh-so-silly tee hee and that I would never do that. 
 
Then, we introduce what we know is a sensitive topic with SO MUCH THOUGHTFULNESS AND COMPASSION and tell you a 12 different times that we grew up in the oppressive Christian church and that we are modern, woke women, as well as quasi reproductive experts and throw some alarming-yet-unsubstantiated data around. We say all this with love, SO MUCH LOVE. If you don't agree with us, we're better than you. Actually, if you do agree with us, we are still better than you. #LOVEMYCOMMUNITY
You're going to LOVE Amy. She checks all the boxes and her low-level energy and charisma aren't threatening to me in the slightest #YOULOVEMEMORE #SAYIT

Moving on, my expert talks about expert things while I murmur affirming comments that make me sound smart. She tells me GOOD QUESTION every time I ask a question because periodic verbal head pats are part of my speaker's agreement tra la la. Make sure you listen wherever you get your podcasts and share!

Moving on, make sure you catch my feel-good Instagram post - turn up the audio, bewildereds because I have used Instagram's music feature because I'm a PATRIOT. All you really need to know is that I'm better at my sisters because I can still do the splits and that I cried so many tears that half my lash extensions fell off. SO MANY TEARS. Did I mention I'm a true patriot?

Next on my agenda was packing for my upcoming river cruise while sitting uncomfortably on my knees in a miniskirt, as one does when packing. I trill about how important it is to have comfy shoes when you're traveling - and going to Target - so I show you how I put a pristine, never worn ever before pair of shoes in my bag. Jane Capstitcher is too cool to get blisters, naturally. FREE SHOES!

And, because I am such a BIG DEAL, my sponsor, Cute Shooz for Grown-Ass Wimmen, is giving all my ride or dies a pair of these shoes so we'll be taking EUROPE BY STORM and twinning the shit out of these shoes - link in comments. We can't wait to see all the quaint European markets and of course, meet the local gays. And, because I'm....well, Jane Capstitcher...there will be selfies with MY COMMUNITY members that randomly encounter me in Europe. I always get recognized, naturellement.

And now for my exciting announcement - MY TEAM and I have petitioned the IOC and they've agreed to have Professional Shilling as an exhibition sport for the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles. We're still working on the fine points but it looks like there might be team and individual shilling and you just might see some EXCITING SPECIAL GUESTS on Team Hatmaker.

And stay tuned for another announcement soon on who is designing TEAM USA'S uniforms although MEMBERS OF MY COMMUNITY who have been around here awhile can probably guess who it is and if you're in my INNER CIRCLE don't spoil it because the big reveal - complete with package wrinkles - is coming soon!

I know you can't wait. [/quote]

Lol, the package wrinkles on the mud dress KILLED ME! Even teen influencers throw it in the dryer before shilling![/quote]

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