Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not rocket science. What would a child want if he or she could choose? It doesn’t mean the alternative is horrible. But no child would choose separation at 3 months or even 12 months. The problem is kids have no lobby, no voice. [/quote]

My child would choose to eat ice cream for every meal. So I should do that too?[/quote]

Poor analogy. Ice cream every meal is unhealthy. Having a loving, caring SAHM is not.  [/quote]

It’s not a poor analogy at all.  Who cares what a kid would advocate for if they had a voice?  And if you think it’s a bad analogy, you’re also saying it doesn’t matter what the kid wants (the kid definitely wants ice cream). The parent is making the decision in the end… you said kids have no voice and no one to lobby “for them” as if it mattered?

And, please, show me convincing outcomes based evidence that a “loving, caring, SAHM” is superior to not staying at home.  [/quote]

I'm the PP above this, but not the PP above that. I didn't say that a loving caring SAHM is superior to not staying home. But if a woman desires it, and a child desires it, and its possible for the family, I don't know why any family would not choose it if they could. I'm very thankful that it worked out for us, and for that my husband will have my eternal gratitude. [/quote]

How the F does a 6 month old desire a SAHP vs a working parent?  Seriously.  How deluded are you that you think there’s some complex cost/benefit analysis being done by a newborn?[/quote]

I'm a working parent and this is a weird comment to me. My kid has definitely always preferred me or my DH over daycare. It was one of the reasons I decided to switch to a nanny share -- DD was able to develop a stronger bond with the nanny than she could with the daycare workers and that made her clearly happier to be there than in the daycare.[/quote]

Got it.  Your kid “preferred” you or your husband to a third party and to remedy this, you enlisted a… third party?  Maybe the problem was the daycare you went to?[/quote]

No. I'm saying it was self-evident to me that at that age kids need to bond fairly closely with their caregivers and that a daycare environment made this harder because it was not the same person all day. This was a daycare I'd happily send an older child too but it just seemed obvious to my DH and I that drop off would go better if our DD was going to someone who they had a more secure bond with than one of 4 daycare workers who worked with infants in a daycare. When we switched to a nanny DD fairly quickly came to recognize our great nanny as a loving and caring caregiver and was totally comfortable going to her in the morning.

Thus it's fairly intuitive to me that she also would have preferred to stay with DH or I rather than got the daycare. While a nanny (or grandparent or au pair) can become like a parent stand in I don't think a daycare worker can (maybe in a very small daycare with only a few kids and just a couple workers?).

It just seems weird to say an infant can't express a preference in caregiver or that if they did it doesn't matter. If your infant was crying the entire time they were at daycare would you be like "whatever I've decided this is what is best for you" or would you take that to mean that something about the situation was not meeting your child's needs and make a different choice? I don't know a single working parent who wouldn't change care providers in that situation.[/quote]

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