Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They are often rational actors.  The marriage is bad, no sex for example.  The cost of divorce might be hight--financial and loosing custody of the kids.  By cheating they can have their cake and eat it too.

If it works out they win.  If it doesn't, they are no worse off than if they just got divorced.[/quote]

Except that’s not true for most men.  They don’t want a divorce.  They often are still having sex at home, but her greedy and want some variety as they face down middle age.  They get caught and life implodes and they cause great hurt to those they love.  They seriously fk up a good thing.[/quote]

It wasn’t such a good thing for him. There is no delusion greater than that of the 3 DCUM betrayed wives who didn’t leave despite “having the great job and insurance we rely on,” who were having “great sex multiple times a week,” who of course are far far hotter than the slut he found plus no doubt 99% of all women —— and then, record scratch, this Adonis hero dad and DH bafflingly started acting like the whore he is. Just give it up! You’re wrong, you never knew him fully, and if he was patiently plotting and scheduling times to screw for YEARS, even with “no feelings,” his feelings for YOU were full of contempt. You choose to stay, because you have no dignity and want to be the victim til you croak. And now you are a victim by your own compliance with his lies. Just be honest here for once.[/quote]

What inspires people to write such cruel things?  Did you leave a cheating husband, pp?  Your feelings are obviously very strong but I don’t understand this judgment for other people’s choices.  Leaving is HARD, staying is HARD.  Betrayed spouses are in a situation where they can’t win.  And everyone in the situation is complicated with complicated feelings, the cheaters, the betrayed spouses.  Maybe we can’t ever truly “know” anyone, even ourselves.[/quote]

There is a specific poster who has rampaged on this board accusing all SAHMs of sleeping around in their own marital beds with innocent men like her DH — who engaged in this affair for 3 years. 1, 2, 3 years - not weeks, not months. She constantly, viciously, slurs and freaks out at SAHMs and writes out metric s-tons of vitriol at them — when she’s not busy screaming about how hugely old and ugly 45-50 year old women are — all because the role and age are two elements partially describing the woman her husband pursued and CHOSE to sleep with for years. She accused every poster who told her to cut the extra-vicious sh!t of being the other woman, said she was going to destroy them, and was as cracked-out vicious about the cheating woman’s husband and kids who were also victims of her own smelly cheating stuck every appendage into another woman husband! She goes into threads where wives worry about their low-sex marriages and brags about how desirable her husband finds her even though he was balling this allegedly inferior also married woman so really she’s the top victim. She grinds down other victims of infidelity here, not by accident and not rarely.

….If she didn’t pull any of this sh!t that would be one thing. But she deliberately attacks frequently when her slutbag husband issue is clear. This particular betrayed wife is a smug, stupid, pure fool and POS and will always be sniffing his clothes and rage-crying about her victimhood, but the good thing is she actually deserves it. [/quote]

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