Reply to How to get her back? "The one that got away" recently divorced w/ 2 DC, messaged me.

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Reply to " How to get her back? "The one that got away" recently divorced w/ 2 DC, messaged me."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dude WTF? You are PATHETIC. There are thousands upon thousands of 30-something attractive single women in this area who do NOT have baggage or kids. Go find one.

Remember: she dumped you the first time and went and had kids with someone else. THIS WAS NOT MEANT TO BE.[/quote]

Haha, your ferocity is admirable if not telling.

Personally, I'm not the type to rush in and think with my little head. Her kids are amazing and well behaved.

I'm planning to take it slow, no idea what the future will hold. [b]What I'm looking guidance on is how to set the ground work so she'll consider me.[/b]

Also, it's been more than 10 years, I rounded down. [b]There was no chance the first child was conceived "on my watch".[/b] [/quote]

1. It is WORSE that the first kid is not yours, not better. You want to raise some other man's spawn? That makes you a de facto willing cuckold.

2. "So she will consider me" is NOT the way to think about it at all. "What can she do so that I will consider her" is the proper attitude. Single mom with kids and baggage = UNDESIRABLE, AVOID. What is she going to do for you to make herself more desirable than any one of the many thousands of no kids, no baggage single women in this area?[/quote]

OP, while this advice may not be termed as nicely as it could have, it's spot on.  Let me try to help clean it up for you.

In any relationship, you should be looking for how that person adds to you.  They should be looking for the same.  Thus, asking for advice on how to set groundwork so she will consider you is misguided.  You should be setting the groundwork for her to prove that she will be an asset to you long term.  (And she should be doing the same as to you.)

On raising another man's children, you have to look very long and hard at this.  You could find yourself in a situation where you pay all of their expenses and as the father, he still gets to be in their life.  Setting aside the obvious financial inequity, you should consider what kinds of resentments that this could build over time.  It has the potential of dooming your relationship with the mother.

In short, I think you may be looking at this past relationship with through rose-colored lenses.  As the PP states, what makes this person (objectively) a better mate than the other single women in your age range that don't have all of the complications that this one does?

Good luck.[/quote]

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