Reply to Unhelpful MIL- whose job to tell her?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn't even need to read your whole post. Yes, of course you bite your lip! In the end, she is your guest, not your employee. In the future, don't expect that she will be helpful when she visits.[/quote]

WTF? No, she is not just a guest! The OPs family asked if she'd be willing to come help while OP recovered from surgery. If the MIL did not want to help, she was not obligated to say yes. However, if she agrees to come help and then wants to be waited on and treated like a guest, that's worse than doing nothing.

OP, you absolutely need to talk to DH and insist that he talks to her. She needs to help or pack up and leave. When someone is recovering from surgery, they are in no position to host house guests!

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THIS!! She is not here for a visit, she is here specifically to help out.  If she's not being helpful, your DH should absolutely talk to her.  [/quote]

+1.

DH's mom is DH's job to handle.

But can you step back from the anger just a bit, OP? There are some people who truly lack initiative and/or just can't get past the idea that they're somehow in the way if they dive in and do stuff at someone else's home. That is not an excuse but might be an explanation. So DH -- it needs to be DH so you need to tell him to get a grip and not be so afraid to be direct with mommy -- he needs to write out a schedule for her day by day, sit down with her and present it to her as "I've put this together so you can do certain daily tasks that I and DW need done." Emphasis here on how it's DH telling her this, not you. He and you should not bring up anything she hasn't done up to now -- please do not dredge up how she didn't empty the trash once, etc. DH should tell her, "I know you've said you prefer to cook after the kids are home but I'm finding it hard to get the kids settled and it will help to have dinner as soon as they walk in" ( or whatever the issue is with dinner timing).

DH handles it. Present as his ideas. Write it out and post on fridge. Make her feel vitally needed. Don't bring up past stuff. Sounds like she needs very specific directions and may need to be told that it is OK to take initiative.

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