Reply to Divorced parents late in life drama

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd love to hear what the mom's perspective is. Maybe her ex-husband made her miserable for years, and did things that she doesn't want to disclose to her daughters, because she knows they love their father. There are more cases like this than you'd think. How is it that he has absolutely no friends or anyone else other than the daughters who will have anything to do with him?

I think people judge women too harshly when they can't meet expectations of being supportive. Maybe it's painful for OP's mom to be too involved in any of this, for reasons OP doesn't understand. She's not telling you not to take care of your dad, or that you can't love him or grieve this loss you're going through. She feels a need to keep her distance, for some reason. Maybe you'll understand some day, when you're older.

Ideally she would be more supportive, if she could be. But as an adult, you have to accept that you can't always lean on people, because they can't always stand strong enough for you to lean on. And if your mom has never been a casserole-toting, babysitting grandma type, then it's unrealistic to expect her to change now.
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fine for mom not to be actively supportive.

not fine for mom to be guilt tripping OP about her selfish wishes.[/quote]

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