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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Jesus. First, obviously, my comment about my mother "finishing the gig" was not meant to be literal. It's a frustration venting comment that is nonsensical.  As I said, I am good with their divorce. I don't have an issue with her moving on with her life. And I absolutely do not think it's necessary for my mother to take care of my father.

What I am struggling with is the reality of losing my father to a horrific terminal illness, the demands of his care, the demands of my kids and marriage, and my career while getting complaints from my mother that we had to cancel apple picking with her because my father's health went sideways and he ended up in the ICU. I am struggling with the emotional loss and the fact that when I do bring up how hard it's been, my mother's response is less kind than my neighbor. I am struggling with the fact that despite my open invitation to come and visit with the kids, she won't do it unless I'm here, we've planned something fun because "grandmas don't babysit - they visit." Literally words, people. I am struggling because my mother is pretending that this isn't happening and expects me to live in the same strange non-reality, reality.

I had a long conversation with my sister last night. She got it even worse in terms of the guilting about not getting equal amounts of attention. We both are sort of agape at the whole thing because my father has months -- most likely -- to live. And I don't think either of us really want much to do with our mother right now because she's just being so difficult.[/quote]

It sounds like your mother still has unresolved issues with your dad and whatever happened during their marriage/divorce. Maybe she thinks being accommodating while you are dealing with your dad's issues is an indirect way of helping your dad (which she clearly does not want to do). Sure, it's petty but you don't know what really went on in their marriage. Remember, it's easy for your neighbor to be sympathetic since they have no emotional connection/history with your dad. 
[/quote]

So what?  If she wants to have a relationship with her kids then she needs to be supportive of THEM while they go through this hellish time with their dad.  [/quote]

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